Stained Glass Windows
by Jerryst316
Summary: "Mom, I am going to walk into hell with the help of my friends, take the Devil's trident, and plunge it through his heart. And I'm going to do it…for Castle." This is my attempt to solve the conspiracy behind JB's murder. Now updated with a second epilogue.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

A/N: So, a couple of people asked me to edit and re-post this story as the finale comes up May 7th. I thought that was a good idea, so I've edited this story, made a few changes, and I'll repost it at a rate of two or three per day until May 7th.

I rated this T mainly because there won't be anything too explicit. However, there are a few curse words, some dirty word play, and some adult themes. Hopefully, I can dance around the T rating enough so that it won't ever need to be M.

So, a friend of mine challenged me to make sense of Johanna Beckett's murder. This is my attempt to do so fully within canon, and so this is kind of a future fic. There are spoilers for everything up to Dial M For Mayor, though they aren't specific unless the episode has aired.

There are 12 chapters to this little story and an epilogue. Buckle up folks, let's solve the murder. And while we are at it, let's solve Kate Beckett!

**Stained-Glass Windows**

_"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."_ -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Hope is a precious commodity, one that cannot be bartered or sold. Sometimes, it leaves us when we most need it, and other times, it reanimates us when life seems to beat us into submission. In those moments when darkness is close, hope can enlighten and inspire. It can also tease and torture. In some sense, that's what life is about. The ever present ebb and flow between opposites, the poles of this earth as they lie in stark contrast with the equator, and though hope is just a four letter word, it's power is undeniable.

When Richard Castle walked into the precinct early that Thursday morning, he had no idea the chain of events he was about to set in motion. The moments that lie ahead would bring him to his knees, test him, and pull him to extremes he would be sure he could not survive. We are not defined by the worst moments of our life however, we are not the sum of all that is wrong or pained with the world, we are a collection of action and reaction, of cause and effect, and our true nature is defined not by the moments which might break us but by the moments we create in response. When the world threatens to consume us, our life is defined by just how hard we fight back.

She would lead him back with her light from within and he would do the same for her.

We are all stained-glass windows.

And this is their story.

**April 26th, 2012-New York City**

**12th Precinct**

**5:27 P.M**

"So you expect us to believe that you walked into that room, picked up the murder weapon to protect yourself, and didn't kill her? Do you think we are that stupid?"

At this point, Castle had had enough. This idiot was trying to play him, trying to convince him that he hadn't killed April Travis with that knife, but the evidence spoke. It was a language that four years of 'research' had imbued within him, the evidence led to the killer, it was both the simplest and hardest trope of being a detective, and though CIA conspiracies and alien-abduction stories might be true, Richard Castle had found that most, if not all, of the cases they faced provided natural answers to the evil of the world. Ray McDonald was just another in a long line of brutish thugs who desperately held to some ill-advised moral high ground, a foundation of excuse and denial where they could somehow at first deny and then plead for absolution.

McDonald spat back, "If you think I did this then you are incredibly stupid!"

The mood in the room was uncharacteristically charged, the atmosphere was suffocating, and though that usually meant a rowdy suspect, today's climate was the product of a highly valued member of Kate's team. And she couldn't indulge, "Castle!"

The interrogation room descended into silence. Actually, it didn't so much descend as free-fall spectacularly into a silence filled with the fear of two men for the obviously enraged woman who now stood frozen behind the interrogation table. Castle's gaze finally found Beckett after what seemed an eternity, and he could do nothing but stare.

Kate placed her emotions in check quickly, unwilling to let any advantage she could gain with McDonald become a casualty of her partner, "Why don't you go check in with Esposito and see if the victim's financials have come back. I'll finish up the interview by myself."

It was unmistakably an order, though she would never say the words, but there was something else within the subtext, an understanding born from a sniper, an empathy that he had earned through years of work and toil. He knew that it pained her to say it and he cursed himself for putting her in this position, but justice demanded the book and anger would not win the day. And so he took his leave, knowing that the real battle was ahead…

_An hour later…_

"Why are you letting him go? We both know he killed April Correia."

As calmly as she could, Kate replied, "No he didn't Castle. We haven't checked his alibi just yet but my gut tells me it's good."

As the detective and the writer walked quickly back to her desk, Rick's frustration got the better of him, "If you haven't checked his alibi yet, why would you let him go then?"

"Castle, if he killed her, why are there no wounds on his hands? There were 8 stab wounds on the body, the wounds were deep and delivered with a lot of force, the knife was incredibly sharp, and it had no hilt protecting the murderer from their hand sliding up the knife when that much thrust was created. If he had done this Castle, his hands or hand would be covered in wounds. He didn't do it."

His hands…his hands were immaculate. Not even gloved hands would have come away unscathed. Castle himself had even commented on the man's obviously manicured hands when uniforms had brought him in. How had he not seen that? He wasn't a rookie.

As Castle sunk into his chair near Kate's desk, the resignation of his mistake rang true, "I'm sorry Kate."

Kate took her place across from him and leaned forward, "What's wrong Castle?"

The empathy was apparent on her face as her hands crossed in her lap, and it occurred to Castle just how far they had come in the three and half years they had been friends and partners. They were both selfless and selfish, they tried their best but the timing was never right for their moment, the circumstances of this world they chose were never aligned, and though they weren't technically in a relationship, if he really thought about it, he could see just how close they had become. Since the sniper, she had let him in bit by bit, and since the mayor, her feelings for him had become crystal clear. He sought her like a Cubs fan seeks an ace and that meant that he had to step up the investigation into her mother's murder. For the past two weeks, this drive to find the people behind this vast conspiracy had led to sleepless nights, concerned daughters, and friends who saw him lose that spark that made him uniquely Castle.

"Nothing, I just missed it. Sorry about in there."

"Oh really? You've been pissed off all day and for the past two weeks, I've hardly recognized you. C'mon Castle, what's going on?"

She asked with such concern, such empathy and compassion that his secret nearly spilled forth from a damn that had just lost its main support. He didn't quite understand how she could have such a powerful impact on him with words, and yet, he saw the power his words could sometimes have over her. Their dance had led them to a place of passion and desire but more than that, it had led them to a place of mutual respect and concern.

"What, am I not allowed to be anything but chipper?"

"You are allowed to be whatever you want to be. I'm just wondering why you went at McDonald so aggressively and why the real Richard Castle is still at home."

"It's nothing detective."

"Something is going on with you. C'mon Rick, I am here for you, what's wrong?"

When she reached for his hand, he almost pulled it away. He understood her concern, had seen the changes in the mirror and on the faces of his friends and family, but if he was to achieve his goal, he also understood that he would have to sacrifice a part of himself in the process. If he wanted Kate, he would have to go back down that rabbit hole himself and get back the part she left there the last time because he knew what even she didn't. The part Kate left down that hole when she backed away ten years ago was her heart, encased in stone, with only her able to access it. Her heart was atrophied from disuse, stained and rusted from the damp and dark place it had resided, and he know beyond question that at some point someone worthy would have to make the trek to retrieve it.

Somewhere along the path, Rick had taken a chisel and gone back down that hole to retrieve it for her, to break away the stone encasing that helped to protect her from the despair, but more than that, Rick wanted nothing more than for her to be whole once more. The surgeons may have skillfully sewn her heart back together, they may have left as little scaring as they could, but Kate Beckett was still broken, she was damaged goods, and the selfish part of him knew that he could not stand to see her like that.

The sniper had shaken him too.

"I told you, I am fine. I am perfectly fine."

"No you aren't Rick. I like to think I know you, and the person that walked into the precinct in the past two weeks isn't the man I knew. The man full of humility and compassion, but I can't find that man unless you share, unless you trust me enough to tell me what is dragging you down."

"Hmm. That's a little funny coming from you."

Deflection. Misdirection. It was magic.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Are you asking me to share? Really?"

Castle felt himself losing control of the conversation, it was spiraling to a place neither Beckett nor Castle wanted it to go, but he couldn't seem to reel in his emotions. Kate, who had begun this conversation with the best of intentions, didn't know what to make of Castle's demeanor, and she too felt her emotions bubbling to the surface.

"Quickly turning into a jackass Castle…"

"Oh so when I'm no longer the school's funniest kid, suddenly I'm a jackass?"

"Asking you to take things seriously and calling you on your bull-shit doesn't make me a hypocrite!"

"No but the world's coldest woman asking for honesty and openness is quite the picture. You've always thought I couldn't take things seriously and now that I am you want me to gather up my clown mask and do tricks for peanuts!"

What had begun as a conversation to help a friend that seemed to be on the edge had turned into something uglier and far more public than either of them cared to make it. Esposito and Ryan sat in awe at the scene playing out on this stage, they were certain that Beckett was about to destroy Castle, and they knew it wouldn't be a pretty picture.

Kate shot up out of her chair and pointed, "Break room…now!"

The electricity and fire in the room was nearly consuming, it threatened to tear this family apart, but what it did most was force a confrontation that neither Kate nor Rick had foreseen. The entire world is a stage and they wore their masks well but when their emotions brought out their worst, when the tension of three and half years was ignited, those masks would provide little protection against the ever expanding fire. No one expected the explosion to happen like this, no one thought that the tension would be relieved through anything but a night of passion and an ever-changing relationship, but here in the 12th precinct bullpen, years of regret and tension and sacrifice would nearly destroy them and make an argument in her apartment those many months ago tame by comparison.

As Beckett and Castle hurriedly made their way to the break room, Ryan turned to Esposito and asked, "How bad?"

Esposito's reply was simple and to the point, "The worst."

_Two cups of coffee later…_

"I'm not perfect, Castle."

She gave him an opening. Instead of tearing into him like he thought she would, she was opening the door, inviting him to calm down and join her, saving him from himself and from her, from the pain of unchecked emotion. He tried to walk through the door…

"I'm not asking you to be and I know you aren't, Kate."

"I've made my fair share of mistakes, you represent a few of those, but I'll be damned if this turns into another. I'm not a character in one your books Rick, I can't do or say the perfect thing when times are at their worst, and though I don't know what this is or why we are here, I am hoping that maybe we can be equals here. Let me in Rick, like I am trying to do with you." She nearly whispered her last line, a silent plea to her partner to come back and understand her motivation and desire. 

Rick sighed and allowed himself to sink into the couch in the break-room. Her empathy, her concern were the same he witnessed all week, but just as those who tried to help him before, she was ill-equipped for the job. He couldn't possibly allow her in, he couldn't let her fall victim to this dragon, and in that moment, he understood how she could sometimes close herself off to the world. He had experienced tragedy far less than she but they shared the scars of a heart torn asunder by love, and as she tried to be there for him, she placed her scars on full display.

Unbeknownst to her, those scars were the reason for his character these past weeks. He had to escape this inquisition before she was burned alive, and so, he accessed an anger he thought long dormant. The heat wasn't gone from the room, only replaced with misdirection and secrecy. He would do whatever he had to do to keep this from her, it was too important, and so he provoked, hoping that she would bite.

"Did you let me in after you got shot? Were those three months you didn't bother to even call part of 'letting me in'?"

"Is that what this is about? I told you…" She stumbled, searching for the answer that seemed right, that might justify one of her great mistakes, "I told you…I needed time to come to terms with everything…everything that happened."

"Do you know how hard that was for me? After a month, I made a promise to Alexis and my mom; I wouldn't come back. When you finally did return, I broke that promise…for you. Allowing others to be there when we need them is a mutual concern and that's a concern you never seemed to consider. Why should I let you in when you could so casually throw me away?"

Her blood seemed to boil to the surface, "You think it was easy for me, Castle? I didn't just throw you away, I could never do that, but I had to get away from the world. From everything I was trying to work out. I told you I wasn't perfect, and I thought…I thought I was doing the right thing."

His was already there, "I know you were the one that was shot but you bled out into my hands! I watched your lights go out, Kate! I thought that was the worst thing I could experience…until you didn't call."

Kate whispered her response in a desperate attempt to keep this conversation from spiraling into an abyss they might not find their way out of, "Did I make it worse by not calling or by coming back?"

And then years of frustration and tension could not be held back any longer. A dam had burst causing an explosion of unresolved tension and regret, of pain and heartbreak, of obsession and love, "I don't know, Kate. What I do know is that it gets more and more difficult to keep showing up."

His words burned and singed her fragile flesh, her sins were coming to collect on the promise they had made so long ago, and this hell she had created threatened to consume her whole. It always seemed the more she tried, the harder it became to achieve something greater.

She couldn't find the words, the words that would stop this boulder from hurdling down the mountain, she was simply at a loss, "Castle, I have to…my mother wouldn't…"

"Oh please Kate, your mother is nothing but a crutch you use to limp through life. An excuse you can so easily hide behind that you have done it for years. And I'm just so tired…of everything."

It wasn't screamed at the top of his lungs nor were her musings the product of anger, they were both just tired, both exhausted by life and circumstance, and as they stared at each other, they saw the resignation and failure which brought them to this point. It was brutal in its simplicity. Neither had seen this coming nor had warning of the conflagration that occurred in that break room, but they knew that this had been a moment neither could escape. When two good people try to do their best and fail, all they can do then is try their best to pick up the shattered pieces forged from years of turmoil. She thought she would be damned if it ever got this far.

"Then don't come back Castle."

Turns out, she was damned already.

**April 28th, 2012-New York City**

**12th Precinct**

**9:17 A.M**

Two days. Two days since everything had fallen apart. As she sat at her desk that early Saturday morning, she was grateful to be alone. Though Ryan, Esposito and Lanie had been wonderful in the aftermath, she couldn't bear to see the pain that resided in their eyes. Pain for her. She had failed once again to be the person she wanted or needed to be, she had allowed that conversation to spiral out of her control, and now she had to live with the consequences of pushing Castle away for possibly the final time. She loved him, there was no question about that, and really, her existential journey had been, in part, a product of his influence on her life. She wanted to be better and part of her knew that she wanted to do so because of him.

Two days ago, she thought she had lost him forever, and so, the bottle seemed like a natural pain killer. She didn't care that that's the way her father once fell so hard, Jack Daniel helped numb the pain, though it didn't take it away. Since then, she had fought against an urge to crawl into a hole, to shut out the world so that her fragile and barely repaired heart would have the time it needed to beat once more. Work and Lanie and Dr. Burke had helped…

Barely.

But it had helped.

She had just begun to get a footing in this world once again, she had just begun to at least function with the heavy weight that seemed to crush her heart, to brace herself against the harsh reality that Castle may never come back. Life though, tends to be cruel before it can be kind…

"Alexis?"

"Detective, can I speak to you for a moment?"

Since the shooting, Alexis had been an enigma to Kate. They had never been really close, they had never been girlfriends who spoke to each other about dating or life, but they always did seem to share a mutual respect. Occasionally, Alexis had called Kate for advice, and when the bank heist occurred, Alexis had been more than cordial the night they shared in the loft together. Yet, since the shooting she had noticed an edge to Alexis. She understood really, she had been shot right in front of her and Castle had nearly taken the bullet for her, and that didn't even take into account the three months she spent away from the world in her father's cabin. Needless to say, this was a surprise.

"Uh, sure. Break room?"

"Sure."

_Again, a cup of coffee and a cup hot chocolate later…_

"I don't trust you detective."

"Alright, so now that the pleasantries are out of the way, call me Kate?"

Kate sat on the couch in the same place Castle sat. Whether it was by choice or fate, Kate didn't know, but what she did know was that there was something about Alexis today that was far stronger than the edge she had once perceived. Was this anger?

"Yeah, I've had enough of pleasantries. You ran away from everyone for three months, you hurt him more than he lets on because you are so broken, and because of that, I'm not sure you are worthy of him. And yet, I learned something when he and Gram were taken hostage. You would do anything you could to protect them and to keep them from harm. I hope that's why you hid from us because at least then I wouldn't think of you as the coward I once did. However, I think we are at a point where things need to be said and secrets revealed."

Anger. Kate met that anger with guilt, it was a good shield that allowed her to take some measure of control, and it was a mechanism she had learned through years of practice and focus.

"Alexis…I…I'm sorry about those months. I don't think I've explained to you why I needed the time, but I can tell you that I never meant to hurt anyone. I just needed some time to come to terms with what happened. I needed time to heal."

"I can understand that I guess but that's not why I am here. The day you came back into our lives was the day I knew that there would come a point where he would lose himself and I might not be able to bring him back. I knew from the beginning that what he was doing was going to be dangerous and I begged him to live up to the promise he made over the summer. Stop going back. Stop pretending and be my father."

Though she was selfishly glad he hadn't listened to his daughter, she worried what kind of person that made her and what it meant about them given what had happened two days ago. The more pressing concern was the obvious anger that threatened to spill forth from a daughter who clearly and desperately wanted nothing more than to protect her father. Kate understood that people made choices and that those choices defined them, but what she never wanted to do was make that trek to the Castle residence and do to Alexis what had been done to her. That night thirteen years ago had produced the abomination she saw in the mirror every morning, the person who was so broken that life was beyond her grasp, and she desperately did not want that for Alexis. She didn't want that for anyone. That's what Alexis meant….right?

"He couldn't though. It was for you and he was blinded by love. It took me 100 days to realize that we really were the classic case of the blind leading the blind, and when I did, I watched you across that dinner table and wondered if you could see. If you could see what you were doing…what you have done…"

Kate was shocked, "Alexis, I'm not sure I understand."

"It was then that I saw my dad at that table. I saw the look in his eyes, and I realized that with as much as you took in those three months, in the three years prior you had given him so much more. Purpose. You gave him purpose. And meaning. Jealousy is a powerful thing, it's an emotion that rips at you, and makes you want to rip at others. I know I am the most important person in my dad's life, I know that he would take a bullet for me, but I also know that he would take one for you too. That's what he is doing now. Taking a bullet meant for you like he couldn't last May."

Kate was stunned with the realization, "You wish it was me?"

Alexis paused briefly, "Yes. I feel horrible that I wish it was you, I really do. I wish you were the one in the line of fire and I know what kind of person that makes me. I wish I could be better and I am sorry for that. It's my secret. My one great flaw."

How was he taking a bullet for her now? And how could Alexis hate her so much? What could possibly…Oh God…

"Surely that's not why we needed to talk Alexis. What bullet is he taking for me?"

Alexis steeled herself, "When you first came back to the precinct, dad received a call from a man who only identified himself as Mr. Smith. He told dad that Mr. Montgomery had sent him information on the case and that he was able to broker a deal with the people who wanted you dead."

"My mother. The same deal they made with Roy?"

"Yeah. All dad had to do was get you to back off the case, make sure you didn't investigate it, and if he was able to do so, you and Ms. Montgomery would be safe. For the time being."

It all came into stark reality for Kate, "He's investigating the case, isn't he?"

"Yes. When you broke down and when your feelings became clear, it lit a fire underneath him. It was a desire to solve the case, and though I would love to say it came from a place of love, it's now an obsession. He sits in front of that screen every night when he thinks we have all gone to bed to hide it from us, but I know he does it. I've come down on more than one occasion to see him writing furiously in his journal or making notes on his electronic murder board."

"So what do you want from me?"

"The last two days have been the worst. The worst I have ever seen him. I've tried to save him, I've talked to him, pleaded with him, but he won't see reason. He won't see me. He won't save himself until he can save you. He cannot see the danger because you block the way. So I come to you because I can't save him. But I know you can."

In some sense, it was a selfless act, an admittance that her father was even more important than the jealousy, but Kate couldn't see past the betrayal. She had once asked him who she was without this, it was the one question she sought an answer to now as she sought mental health, and it had all been based on a lie. All of it. Fuck. She wasn't the one who honored the victims, the one who could bring closure, she was the one who had been lied to once again because someone thought she couldn't make the decision for herself. Everything about them, the new and precious foundation she thought they were building was composed of nothing more than lies and subterfuge. It was the apartment all over again, only this time he went and did it without her. The anger was overwhelming. God damn him!

The rage was evident in her voice but Alexis stood her ground, "Alexis…I forgave Roy because he was about to give his life for me. I wanted nothing more than to save him from his own foolishness. Your dad knew all of this and he still held this from me. Even knowing how that betrayal nearly destroyed me last time, he still chose this. At least Roy was original, Castle should know better. Honestly Alexis, I don't even know if I want to save your dad."

Alexis was shocked, "Then you are the coward I never wanted to think you were."

As Alexis stormed out of the break room, Kate wondered whether she could carry Castle out of this hangar. More importantly, she wondered if she even wanted too.

**April 28th, 2012-Washington D.C.**

**Mr. Smith's House**

**6:15 P.M.**

He stood in his office debating whether to answer his phone or get his microwavable dinner. Damn phone, it just kept ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hello John."

"And what do I owe..."

"Let's save the pleasantries my friend. I just called to say I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?"

"Yeah. I hate to do this John but I have no choice."

"You always have a choice."

"Not this time brother. You and your friend failed to live up to our expectations. And you know the penalty."

"Well, at least you called."

He laughed, "Glib. Until the end. How bloody appropriate."

John looked out his window at a strike team that rushed to his front door, each holding a Ruger P90 assault weapon, and he knew this would be his last stand.

"So this is my last stand. Instead of causing it, you should be here."

"I wish I could John. Goodbye, old friend."

And with that he hung up.

_15 minutes later…_

'Sir, we have retrieved all of the files in question."

"Is he dead?"

"Well, he is wounded but not dead. Do you want us to terminate."

"Yes…terminate. RTB immediately."

"Yes sir."

Jorge Ramirez had been in Delta and understood the nature of an order. He knew his cause was just and he knew the greater good was always the motivation. It felt wrong though, somehow killing a fellow member of Delta seemed incongruous with the nature of his mission, but he trusted in his commander and in his judgment. With a heavy heart, Operator Ramirez returned to his fallen comrade to finish what he had started just a few moments prior.

"I'm sorry John."

As John lay dying on the floor, his only comfort was the comfort he took in her. Montgomery had told him just how special she was and he hoped beyond measure that Montgomery was correct. He hoped that she could take them down. He hoped that she could do what he was too afraid to do. But he would give her a head start, he would do his part, he would push the button…

As he coughed up blood from the wounds in his lower chest and stomach, John responded, "you know, everyone keeps…saying that to me…today. Why don't you tell him that I have a message for him."

"What is that sir?"

John knew that the two operators outside could hear his words through the com link, he knew they would survive and his message would get back to the man it was meant for, and thus, as Ramirez bent down to take in his words, he knew he had one last chance.

To be glib.

"Tell that rotten SOB that I'll see him in Hell."

They never saw the detonator John held in his hands and they were far too slow to stop him. With one quick push of the button, John's house in suburban Washington D.C exploded, taking with it one of the few remaining remnants of Delta Task Force 19.

**A/N: So what did you think? Kinda angsty, I know but it gets better. I hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Alright, they are mine, I admit it. I am Andrew Marlowe. Wait…no I'm not!

A/N: I really loved writing this chapter, and I hope you love reading it. We will go from angst to love and back again, but for now, here is the connection.

**Only Connect**

**April 29th, 2012-New York City**

**Kate's Apartment**

**1:23 A.M**

Guilt isn't a four letter word. But it should be. How many times have we yearned to be better only to be held back by a suffocating guilt we cannot escape? If we could just learn to overcome guilt, if we could just understand that being a good person means more than taking blame for past mistakes, then it might be possible for human potential to reach the dizzying heights it can. Ultimately though, their story isn't about mistakes or guilt. That's too easy for them. No, their story is about how good people rise up and overcome that which threatens to break them down.

To say she had a tough week would be like saying that politicians lied sometimes. As she collapsed into bed that night, she wanted nothing more than to sleep and try to find peace in a life of chaos. Hours of tossing and turning had yielded nothing more than quixotic attempts at sleep, but finally, in the darkest hour of the night, she found solace behind her own eye-lids.

When she woke, she found herself in a strange room bathed in white. A single table with two chairs sat in the middle of the almost clinical room with had no door. Was this a dream? What was going on? At first, she thought to panic but the white room and white table had an almost calming influence, and it helped her to regain control as she searched for answers. She wasn't cuffed to Castle and there didn't seem to be a tiger, so that was something. She guessed. And then she heard her voice…

"Katherine Beckett."

She would know that voice anywhere. She slowly turned to witness the voice and allowed the shock and joy to play across her features. She could say nothing but, "Mommy?"

The figure she saw gracefully strode forward dressed in the white of the room and wearing Johanna's face, though she was certain of its impossibility. Johanna sensed her daughter's hesitation and spoke, "Aren't you a little old to be calling me mommy?"

Johanna smiled and calmly sat in one of the chairs, beckoning her daughter to sit across from her. Kate stood rooted to her spot, unable to move. That smile…

"Honey, why don't you join me?"

Kate could hardly reign in the wild emotions which tore through her veins, her heart beat rapidly in order to keep up, and she felt herself being carried to the chair. She couldn't resist even if she wanted too, "Are you real?"

The tears could not be held back any longer but Kate fought the urge to lunge towards her mother and never let her go. This wasn't nor could it be real. Only Castle would believe in this, even with the evidence in this room. But she wanted so badly to believe. To believe in something. Magic. Whatever this room meant, she made a split decision to embrace the magic because this was her mom sitting across from her.

"Well, that depends on your definition of real actually. Are our dreams real? Are you even dreaming?"

Kate laughed, "Mom, what's with the philosophy?"

Johanna laughed in turn, "Let's just say, I've had some time to think. By the way, I told you so."

Kate's joy could not be contained, her tears were products of this gift she was being allowed, and at this point, she couldn't care less whether this was real. Her mother was sitting across from her, a loved one cruelly stolen from her had returned, and she felt it lift her to a place she had not been in 13 years. "You told me so?"

"Of course. I told you there was nothing in this world you couldn't overcome. You aren't there yet but you will be. One day soon. When that day comes I won't suddenly be proud of you because I've always been, but I will look down upon you and revel in your own happiness. It's a parent's prerogative. Now, would you like to sit?"

"I'd like to hold you and never let you go, actually. Do you think we can do that?"

Johanna smiled a solemn smile that silently told her no and held out her hand to the chair across from her. Almost reluctantly, Kate strode forward and sat across from her mother, the smile beaming from her lips and the tears stroking her face.

"I don't think forever is possible honey. At least not yet."

Kate reached for her mother's hand and reverently wrapped her fingers around a hand she never again thought she would. Both smiled. For a moment, nothing existed anywhere but Kate and Johanna Beckett. Kate could have stayed that way for the rest of her life.

Kate spoke in just a whisper, afraid she might lose this if she spoke too loudly, "I miss you so much mom. It hurts everyday."

"I know Katie, I know." Johanna squeezed Kate's hand in reassurance, "I wish I could take your pain and make it mine, but that's not how this works."

"Mom, what is this?"

"I'll let you figure that out. You were always smarter than me."

Kate couldn't hold back her laughter, "Well, duh! But you could read Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky and I could hardly get through any of them. _War and Peace_ has to be the densest book I have ever read."

Johanna returned her laughter, "I still don't know what you were thinking with Russian literature. I always thought your major was because of a boy and not because you liked reading that stuff."

"Well, it kind of was…"

"I knew it!"

"Yes, yes I know. I wasn't the best person at 19."

"Oh but you were so cute back then!"

"Uh huh, I bet the black jacket and the chain wallet really painted a picture."

"Hey, at least you took a shower every day, that boy you dated could have taken the hint. You know, after you guys went back, your dad spent three days trying to get the smell out of the apartment. I literally think he cursed with every spray of the Febreeze!"

"If I recall, he nearly got his shotgun when we first walked through the door."

"That entire meeting was one giant cliché. I had to hold him back from driving your motorcycle off a cliff too."

"Do you remember the chair?"

Johanna laughed in remembrance, "Oh God, how could I forget?"

They were both laughing and giggling then, "I remember just sitting there with you guys, and when I heard that thud and grunt, I thought something bad had happened. I will never forget his face when we raced over to where to he had fallen backwards and couldn't get out of that chair."

"It took everything we had to fight through the laughter to pull him up!"

"He was so angry and embarrassed but that was way too funny."

"Oh Katie, the look on his face was just priceless."

"Don't worry mom, I never let him forget it."

"I always poked fun at him for that or the myriad of other things he did to make us laugh."

As they came away from the moment, Kate realized she could do this forever, "Can we do this forever mom?"

With resignation tingeing her voice Johanna replied, "Honey, there are rules we have to follow. Time is not infinite here."

Like a small child about to throw a temper-tantrum, Kate began to cry in earnest, "You are going to leave me again?"

"I have to, I wish so badly that I didn't, but I have to. The rules…"

Kate cut her off rather loudly as she fought through her emotions, "I don't give a shit about the rules Mom, please don't leave me again!"

"Katie, I never really left you. I reside in your heart and in your job. I can't stay with you but I can help you."

She could barely choke out the words now, "How?"

Johanna smiled and wiped a few tears from her daughter's cheek, "By telling you that he was right. You cannot let me down, Katie. It's impossible. I am your mother and I love you unconditionally. Do you remember what I used to tell you every time we fought or argued?"

Of course she remembered, "What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."*

"You are a part of me." Johanna took Kate's hand and placed it on her heart. "And I am apart of you." She moved their joined hands to Kate's chest and rested it there.

Kate understood immediately, "It's why I can't give it away Mom."

Johanna smiled, "Yes you can, sweetheart. That's how I am going to help you tonight. I once gave my heart away and now it is your turn. Take his proffered heart and allow him the gift of yours. You must find the courage to allow yourself the luxury of love. When you do find that special form of bravery, you will come to understand that I still love you, I am still proud of you, and I am still with you."

Kate began to sob. Johanna was there in an instant to hold her child once more, and as she did, she found that she could no longer hold her emotions in check. They spilled forth, mother and daughter reunited in heart and in heartbreak, and as they sat and cried together, neither wanted this to end.

Kate forced the words from her lips, "I don't know if I can do this, Mom. I don't even know if I want too."

"Katie, I know you can. This is a lesson about life, a lesson about what it means to truly live, a trial by fire that will scorch and destroy if you allow it. This is your path laid before you like a highway to heaven. Some will tell you there are only two options: be ready or not, be complete or fractured, but that's not nor will it ever be the case. Part of healing, part of the journey that is never studied is the moment the hero realizes that they don't have to travel this path alone. For what you must realize is that love and hope are not your destination, they are the journey. They are the sand and dirt and mud that stay your feet when you land. That is my hope for you."

Johanna ached for her child and wanted nothing more than to take away her pain and fear, and so she wrapped her arms around her daughter even tighter and kept speaking, hoping that her words would act as a shield against the sometimes cruelty of the world.

Johanna continued, "Honey, I've seen how much the world has thrown at you, I've seen the effect of your trials, and I know that the world seems like a harsh playground born of pain and agony, but I also know that even the heroes who are left to pick up the shattered remnants of their own sacrifice do so because they want the life they sought to provide others. I am so sorry that I am the cause, I am so sorry that my death brought you so much pain, but more than anything, I am sorry that you are the one who must stand now. You must find it within yourself to forgive, to love, and to save those who need it most. You must rise to the occasion."

Kate reveled in her mother's touch and allowed her words to envelop her. This was a place where she could be open and honest without the fear that always followed. It felt liberating, "I don't want to bear the weight of the world any more. I've done it for so long that my chest is weak and my legs hurt. Sometimes, I don't even know where I am going."

"Katie, anyone who says they don't fear death is lying. But the thing about death is that it teaches an important lesson about life. Death is meant to show us why the journey matters so much more than the destination. Love and hope are not panacea's that cure us of the weights we bear, they aren't some ultimate goal or trophy we can win, and they certainly aren't impregnable castles in the distance that taunt us and remain elusive. They are the swords we wear to battle, the shields we wield against the darkness, and when that army seeks you out, when the ground shakes and the terror approaches, you need to know that you will never be alone. The people you love will always be there with you, and they will bear some of that weight if only you can find the courage to let them in and be honest with them. If you share your pain with them, they will not judge you, they will be the amazing friends and family you have always known them to be."

"It's just so hard. I try every day and all I seem to do is fail. My best never seems good enough for anything."

"Don't ever think that your best isn't good enough. Instead of all the things you think you can't do, focus on the things you can do. You are the best detective in the NYPD, you do bring closure to those who need it most, but more than that, you bring justice to a world of injustice. More importantly, you demand better from those around you. You saved your dad from the bottle and I could not be more grateful. Your forgiveness forces those you love to seek redemption and provides others the purpose they seek. You give so much. It's time that you allowed those who love you to return the favor."

Whatever the nature of this place, its white walls echoed the potency of her mother's words. There was no grand revelation or epiphany, there was no moment where everything seemed to fall into place, for the puzzle had always been complete. Her mother had not helped her to see, she had helped her to accept.

Kate smiled through the rapidly drying tears, "I don't want my scars to define me anymore. I want to be something greater."

"And now…now you know how."

"Thank you mom."

Johanna gently ran her hand down her daughter's cheek, "Always, my sweet baby girl."

Silence enveloped the room because they both knew their time was up. "You have to go now, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. It's time for you to wake up. But when you do, breathe in life, gulp it down, and realize the great potential that awaits you."

"I don't want you to go…"

"I love you so much Katie. I will always be with you", whispered Johanna as she leant down to kiss her daughter one last time.

As soon as her mother's lips grazed her cheek, Kate startled awake. Instantly, she sat up in bed and was overcome with the grief of losing her mother once again. She wasn't sure whether it was a dream or something less sinister, but what she was sure of was that her dream threatened to make her life the nightmare. And to Katherine Beckett, that was unacceptable.

**April 29th, 2012-New York City**

**Richard Castle's Loft**

**12:27 P.M.**

When he heard the knock at the door, he was surprised to say the least. Since his argument with Kate, Castle had thrown himself into solving her mother's murder. He knew that if he solved it, if he could just find that one loose thread, then he could make amends and be the man she needed him to be. He had only sent his mother and daughter away once before, when a dirty bomb threatened New York City, but he couldn't take the looks and the pleas anymore. They couldn't and didn't understand. He needed a break from them and they needed a break from him. When he solved this he would make it right with them, but until then, he needed to focus.

He went to the door and without bothering to see who knocked, his building had wonderful security after all, he opened the door and was stunned at the person who stood in front of him. Without so much as a word, she surged toward him with a fury he had not yet seen directed at him, she grabbed him by his shirt, threw her leg behind him and swiftly had him on his back. He hit the ground with a thud hard, it knocked the wind out of him, and she perched herself on top of him with one knee in his chest and the other resting beside him. Her hands tightened around his shirt and her eyes scorched him with anger and betrayal.

As he struggled to regain his composure and his breath, she growled, "How could you Castle?"

He sputtered, "How could…how could I what?"

"I know everything. I know about the deal. How could you do this!"

She knew. How? How did she know? He had been so careful! Did he leave a trail she had followed?

"How…what…how do…how did you know?" He struggled to regain some measure of control both over himself and the situation. He was lost and she provided no comfort or purchase.

"It doesn't matter, I do!" Tears threatened to stream down her face, "After everything. After the hangar. After Roy. How could you?"

Finally, his breath seemed to return to him as did rational thought. There was no point in denying it, "How could I not? You would be dead if I hadn't!"

"You don't know that Castle, we might have been able to end it once and for all! Did you ever think that we might have been able to finally put this behind us?"

Wait. Us? Oh God, this wasn't about the betrayal or the case. He kept them apart, "Are you angrier that I held this from you or that it kept us apart?"

She paused in her assault, he knew he had deftly countered her attack, and now it was time to go on the offensive. After Gates had forced him to take self-defense classes, no doubt in a desire to see him leave the precinct, he had relished the task. He couldn't beat her or Esposito or Ryan yet, but he did well and took to moves with a grace he didn't know he possessed. With a quick distraction, Castle grabbed Beckett's hands and lifted his torso. He lifted her off him in a quick throw and was able to turn them so that she landed softly on her back, he then used her momentum to propel himself on top of her and smiled at her surprised look.

Then she kneed him in the groin and his smile faded away.

_5 minutes and an ice pack later…_

It had been a while, hell it had been 30 years since he had been hit in the groin, and as any man can tell you, it is a pain no one wishes on even their worst enemies.

"You know, you didn't have to knee me in the groin, there are at least three counters I can think of that would have put you back on top."

"Yeah but none of them were as fun."

"You think I deserved it?"

"Yes."

"You know, you never answered my question. By the way, even under these circumstances…it's really good to see you."

She sighed. That smile could always calm her down or bring her back, and she had to admit, it was good to see him too. Even two days was too long not to see Rick. They weren't finished though…

"You never answered mine either. How could you?"

He couldn't hold back any longer, since that horrible day in May he had wanted to scream it from the highest building he could find, but he had held off because she needed space. No longer though. Subtext had died the moment she slammed him to the ground.

"I did it because I love you. Because I selfishly couldn't allow you to destroy yourself. Again."

She sighed and found a spot on the floor that seemed worthwhile. Then she looked him in the eyes with that steely determination he knew so well, "I know."

She knew? Wait, how did she…

He nearly choked on his next words, "How long, Kate?"

He could see the battle she waged inside, "I've always known. But I've known about the cemetery since the moment I woke up. Since the moment the pain became something I could bear."

His anger became too much to hold within, "So what? You just thought you would string me along for months? The three months of pain you caused weren't enough? Let me guess, it your own special brand of punishment right? I couldn't get to you and take that bullet, so you would wound me yourself!"

She expected the anger, "No that wasn't it. You held a secret from me too remember?"

"I did that for you! To keep you safe!" 

"Your reasons are mine, Castle. Every relationship I have ever been in failed because I could never give them my heart. The last thing I wanted was for you to join that list of failure."

Of course, that was not what he was expecting. How could he trust her though? How could he see past the lie? "How am I supposed to trust you?"

She knew that if they were to survive this, if they were to be one once more, she would have to be honest with him. She would have to open up, "Because I almost said it first."

"You…you almost said it first?"

"Two years ago, I broke up with Demming so that I could say it to you. I stood outside that conference room…"

"You wanted to say it to me but…"

"Gina…"

The realization hit him like a slap in the face. The years they had lost because he had been an idiot. They stood silently in his loft, both lost in the moment, and as they stared at each other, Kate began to wonder whether they could make out. Together. Maybe it was time to find out…

Without warning or preamble, the moments lost became the moments shared.

She didn't so much kiss him as attack him. They tumbled back into his office, both shocked at this turn, and as they collided with the wall, they devoured each other in a passionate embrace born of heat and desire and hurt. Kate understood the depths and the mechanics of this obsession and also knew the power of its hold over its victims, and though she had vowed to save him and bring him back, she never imagined this would be the tool she used to lift him from the abyss.

In that moment, her thoughts began to betray her. She wondered whether they should build a relationship on this foundation, whether this would just be a moment in time or whether it could lead to the kind of relationship she had decided she wanted, needed from him. They had held each other at arms length because of a need to protect the other, they held damaging and painful secrets in the hopes that the other would be whole, and Castle had fallen prey to an obsession that threatened his very existence. Were they each other's cure? Was this how each of them came back to the other?

As if sensing her reluctance, Castle showed her the way by whispering in her ear. "Let me in, Kate. Let me be the one to show you the life you deserve, let me be the one who takes that final step with you. Let me in Kate…"

This was not the turn of events Rick had envisioned when he agreed to keep her safe, but Rick also understood that this was an opportunity he could not allow to pass. This was an opportunity to reach for an ultimate happiness he had hardly experienced, for this was the woman he loved. The woman he grew to love and understand and cherish. They had earned this moment and he was determined to make it theirs.

As he began to undo the buttons on her blouse, a momentary flash of panic sought to overwhelm her but she stayed those emotions with practiced precision, and with a fierce determination, she allowed him to kiss his way down her exposed abdomen. When he stopped at her scar, he looked at her with eyes that spoke of the tragedy born of that horrible day in May, but she noticed too the love and admiration that warred with the pain. There was a reverence there that nearly left her breathless. As his lips and tongue danced along the length of the scar that adorned her side, she closed her eyes and fought the insecurity, fought the doubt, and allowed herself to believe in the man beneath her. Her scars no longer defined her but they did reveal a roadmap that spoke of where she had been and where she was going. Let him in Kate, let him in…

His office was dark from the curtains that blocked the sun from shining through and his desk was strewn with the remnants of his fall, and as he made his way down her body, she wanted to illuminate the room in light, to see him and allow him to see her. Let him in Kate…

With that in mind, she pulled him back up to her own mouth and took control by popping one button at a time on his shirt, and while she did so, she backed him towards the windows where she could illuminate the room with the healing powers of the sun. Their tongues danced and dueled for control as each had for four years, their hands sought the places they never dared touch, and they allowed each other the healing power of the love they shared. They slammed each other into the walls of his study, they danced across the floor together, and they allowed the passion of this new beginning to overtake them. They would do this correctly; they would do this right not because they had to but because they wanted to. They would fight, they would disagree, and they wouldn't be perfect, but they would be together and nothing else in the world mattered.

Sometimes though, she forgot about his own insecurities and fears. Sometimes she forgot that the millionaire playboy who could have any woman he wanted and any toy he desired, felt just as deeply and passionately as she did. When she went to open the curtains, his hands stilled her and his eyes told her the story of a man who saw real standing in front of him but feared the light that would expose his own fault and sin. He feared falling in her eyes, he feared that being anything less than perfect would draw her away from him like a moth to a different flame, and it was an insecurity that she understood needed to be corrected.

She broke from their heated exchange and placed her hand on his cheek, "Don't hide from me Rick. I forgive you. Let me see it all. Let the light show us the way."

With that, she opened the curtains slightly allowing the sunshine to illuminate the room, and as he looked into her eyes, he saw the acceptance and the want that he so desired. Quickly, she moved to pick up the remote that controlled his murder board, and before he could protest, she turned it on and stared at the musings of her best friend. For what seemed a lifetime, she stood entranced by the screen, by the leads he had produced, and a single tear snaked its way down the contours of her face. Then she did something he didn't expect, she turned it off and placed the remote back on his desk.

With an unexpected fire and frenzy, she once again surged towards him and they continued the dance that had been paused a moment prior. As stark realization hit him, he understood the meaning, he understood the sacrifice she was making, and it buoyed his heart with the power of the moment.

His hands wondered her body and hers searched for deliverance, a place to make her stand here with the man she loved. His desk seemed appropriate. With one fluid motion, she swept away the paper and the pen, she rid them of his betrayal, and brought him forth to take what she willingly offered. Their shirts would soon be joined by the black lace of her bra and the denim of his jeans while Castle roughly grabbed her ass and lifted her onto his desk. She had expected the first time to be slow, for him to take his time, but they were both overcome with a heated frenzy and a passion long over-due. They both surged forward, they tasted each other, feasted on each other, and allowed the wonderful mix of apple and cherry to accelerate their healing.

As they melded together into one, she pled with him to trust her and accept the trust she had in him and in return he worshipped her and forgave her for the mis-steps she made in this journey. Finally, after years of tension and a dance neither thought would ever end, they screamed each other's name as pleasure replaced anger and love replaced heartbreak.

**April 29th, 2012-New York City**

**Law Offices of Jeffery Horn**

**5:02 P.M**

"Lindsey, I think I am done for the day. Let's go home."

"Actually, I think we have a situation."

"A situation?"

"I have been monitoring the news from Washington and they are reporting an explosion and fire at a residence. At first, I didn't think anything of it, but they finally released the address. It's his."

"Has he called?"

"No."

"And we are sure it was his house?"

"Yes Jeff, I double checked."

"Alright then, send the packages. You know what to do."

"Close it down?" 

"All of it. Find a safe place to retire Lindsey."

"Jeffrey…"

"Lindsey, I can't lose you. I can't. Don't argue. Go."

"I love you Jeff."

"I love you too. Now go, send the packages and disappear. I will find you, I swear. When this is over, I will find you."

With tears in her eyes, "I know you will."

***-This is quote by Helen Keller. Seemed appropriate.**

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. I won't tell you what I think happened between Kate and her mom. Like Johanna, I'll leave that to your imaginations. Chapter 3 should be up soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Again, I don't own them. You know that.

Alright, so remember that dirty talk I promised? Yeah, this would be it. Again, it's more subtext and innuendo than anything, but I did want to warn you. If that's not your cup of tea, I am completely cool with that.

I also wanted to say thank you for all of the kind reviews. The reaction to this story has been quite positive, and I thank you all for that. I hope to take you to wonderful places with this story! Enjoy!

**One Day**

**April 30th, 2012-New York City**

**Richard Castle's Loft**

**2:39 A.M**

Later that night, both tired and sated from a day of sex and food and comfort, Kate laid in bed with Rick's arms around her stomach. She had to return to work Tuesday but somehow that seemed so insignificant right now. With as much stealth as she could muster, she extricated herself form Rick's arms and moved to stand in front of his window. The grey expanse of the city stretched out before her like a veil that hid the depths of the depravity she fought against daily. It was peaceful and serene.

He felt her leave his bed and for the briefest moment doubt seeped into his consciousness. He trusted her with his life and his heart, and while old habits were truly hard to break, he found that her habit wasn't the one in play here. It was a discussion he knew would come but until it did he knew that his own fault was to see every woman whom he had loved or thought he loved as someone who would eventually leave him. He wasn't good enough for any of them. It wasn't their fault, and as he was coming to learn, it wasn't his either. It was something she taught him, another gift she gave him in their unorthodox partnership and now hopeful relationship, by forcing him to dismiss the playboy and embrace Rick. It was the gift everyone at the 12th had given him. Esposito, Ryan and Lanie cared more about his well-being than his money, and they saw past his carefully crafted persona that allowed him to sell books.

Maybe he didn't need the persona after all; maybe what he really needed was to trust that people would still buy his books even if they knew the real person behind them?

The thought lifted him from the bed and stayed his feet behind her. She stood like a Goddess dressed only in her black satin panties she had hardly worn that day. She was stunning even fully dressed, but standing in front of his window like this reminded him of the giant step forward they had taken. He wrapped her in his arms and sought to envelop her in the hope of a new relationship and a fresh beginning, and her hands joined his across her naked and toned stomach.

"Hey."

She almost whispered her response as if trying to keep them from the world for a little while longer, to revel for just a moment more, "Hey."

"New York City at night has always been special to me. It's why I've never moved out of the city."

"It does take on an almost ethereal quality doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does. I remember when I first moved to this apartment, I would stand in front of this window and marvel at my own good fortune. I had an amazing daughter and the freedom to write and be the father I wanted to be."

"When my mom died, I seriously considered moving to any other place in the world. It didn't matter where, not here was just fine. Then I realized that I could never find justice that way."

"I'm glad you stayed."

"I am to. I would have left my dad and who knows what would have happened with him left to his own devices."

"You've never really talked about that time in your life."

"I know. It was a time where I was both proud and ashamed. I did some things that I know I should never have done. I put myself in positions that were dangerous and I don't think I would have cared if I got hurt. But no matter what I did during the day, at night I made sure my dad was alright. I pulled him out of bars, I cleaned him up and made sure he was home in bed every night."

"You did something noble and worthwhile."

"Maybe. But what I also did was avoid everything that I needed to face. He was an easy excuse, and it's what I built my life around. Helping him meant I didn't have to help myself."

"It is amazing that you guys have the relationship you have today."

"He made a mistake, but it was one I completely understood. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost…"

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"Kate, I'm tired of not saying the things I want to say, so allow me this. You have no idea what that means to me."

"Castle I…" She sighed. Why couldn't she say it?

"It's alright, Kate. Say it when you are ready."

That sweet, adorable dufus, "I am ready, Rick. It's not about that. There are things in this world that I am good at, that I claim some level of expertise, but relationships have never been one of them. I am just really horrible at this. I've never done it right and I really want to do it right this time."

"If I am honest here, it's not like I've done it right either. I've been divorced twice because they both decided I wasn't good enough and cheated on me."

She caught the tinge of regret and hurt in his voice, "They were both idiots if they thought you weren't good enough, but I'm glad they didn't because I do. And now we are here."

"Well…"

"I love you, Castle. I love you with all my heart. I love you," she whispered.

She turned in his arms and was met with a single tear, "I love you too, Kate."

She wiped the right side of his cheek free of the salty water that snaked down his cheek and smiled fully for the first time in 13 years. "You are such a girl."

And just like that, they had returned to a place of normalcy, "I think you have ample evidence that I am not. By the way, you are extraordinary."

"Uh huh. Ample is one word for it. And you are amazing."

She wound her arms around his waist and was glad for her lack of heels because she was able to rest her head on his chest. His arms found her back and held her close to him while his head turned and rested on her head, "You know, everyone is going to be shocked about this."

She chuckled lightly, "Let them. Who cares. We are going to have our problems but I don't think our friends will be anything but happy for us. Be prepared though. Esposito and Ryan will want to talk to you."

Castle smiled brightly, "I'm sure my mother and my daughter will seek the same."

She stumbled at the mention of Alexis but didn't let it show, "You've raised an amazing daughter, Castle."

"I sent them away because…"

"I know, Castle. I get it, I promise."

"I know you do."

"This case has come to define me but I don't want it to anymore." She thought back to her mother, "I'm tired of the obsession, of keeping people at arms length. I want to be the kind of person who doesn't expect the worst, who doesn't see loss as inevitable, the kind of person who loves without regard."

"I want that for you to. I've always wanted that for you."

"Put the case away Castle. Don't destroy it, don't get rid of anything you have found, but put it away. When I am ready, we can decide what to do. We can turn the case over to the FBI or even to another precinct. Give me a few days. But put it away."

He gently placed his hand under chin and lifted her face so he could look into her eyes but instead of the resignation he expected, he saw nothing but determination and joy. It amazed him sometimes how they could have a conversation with just their eyes. He knew then that he would give up the case, he would give up the obsession just as she was doing now. It was the easiest decision he would ever make.

"Help me?"

"Always."

_An hour and half later…_

"It's done."

"Come back to bed, Castle."

"You have no idea how long I've waited for you to say that."

She smiled, "I bet. C'mon, let's get some sleep."

"You go ahead. I have one thing I have to do first and then I will join you."

"Castle?"

"Don't worry. Trust me. I promise."

She leaned into him and kissed him hard, "Don't take too long." With that, she returned to bed. He really needed to do this quickly because he wanted so badly to go back to bed with her. But first he had a letter to write…

**April 30th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**9:14 A.M.**

"Good morning, sunshine"

"Shut up, Castle. Where is my coffee?"

"Touchy, detective. Your coffee awaits."

Kate settled at the bar and took a sip of the warm coffee, "Oh god, this is good. Thanks Castle."

"My pleasure detective."

"I'm sure."

"As was last night."

Kate laughed out loud, "I know. I was there and heard you. 'Oh God, Kate!' "Please don't stop Kate'. Yeah, I would never stop!"

"Hey, I seem to recall you finding religion more than a few times last night. You really do know how to order men around, don't you Beckett?"

"Uh huh, and you seem to be able to follow orders quite nicely."

"I aim to please."

"That's not all you aim for…"

It was his turn to laugh, "Well yeah, that was fun as well."

"You know, if I knew how dirty we were going to be this morning, I would have taken two showers."

"At this point, I don't think showers are what we should be talking about or we will never be clean again."

"And who says I want to be clean?"

"Whenever you feel the need to be dirty, you have but to ask."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Fair enough."

"So, what's for breakfast? And why didn't you wake me up?"

"You are extraordinary when you are awake and stunning when you sleep. Besides, it looked like you needed it. I did wear you out last night. As for breakfast, I was thinking chocolate-chip pancakes and fruit?"

"Uh huh, sounds wonderful, Castle. Here, let me help…"

"No, no, you just sit there and look beautiful. Let me cook for you."

"No longer first through the door, huh?"

"Well…not all of the time. And you have help now."

"And so do you."

"No more waiting."

"No more waiting."

"Only connect. That was the whole of her sermon. Only connect the prose and the passion and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer."

"Howard's End? Really?"

"I'm a writer, it's what I do. I am the prose and you are the passion. By the way, you have no idea how sexy it is that you knew that!"

"I think we have already established that I am much more intelligent and well read, Castle."

"Maybe so but when we have kids, they will inherent my rugged handsomeness."

Kate smirked at that, "…".

"Right…filter…uh, can we just forget I said that?"

"Probably not but I'll take what I can get."

"You can always have me!"

"I was looking for something a little more substantial actually."

"Tease. That's fine though, you need pancakes and I am the warden."

"Goo goo g'joob!"

Castle look on incredulously, "The Beatles, really?"

"Hey, you said it. The only boy band I will ever embrace."

"Wow, that is so hot."

"Oh Castle, you don't think you could stop me do you?"

"It might take years but I did find the end of the rainbow."

"I'm not looking for cereal, Castle."

"What can I say, you are my lucky charm."

"Yeah but I don't come with milk."

"No, you come with my hand and my tongue…"

"Castle!"

"What? I think those walls lie in ruins Kate."

They both paused at that one. Shyly, she looked down and whispered, "You can say that again."

"I think those walls lie…"

Just like he hoped, she laughed once again, "I didn't mean that literally smartass."

"But not jackass, of course."

They both looked at each other in remembrance of the day where they nearly fell apart for the final time. As if both understood the solemn promise of never again, they smiled and accepted the thanks and forgiveness the other offered.

"I wouldn't be so sure."

"Hey, you want these pancakes or not?"

"Oh, I have ways of getting them Castle."

"I've already seen you naked."

"My sig actually. Or my knee. Sorry about that, by the way." 

"Eh, I probably deserved it."

"Well, then when are going to kick me in the balls?"

"I happen to know from experience that you don't...well now that I think about it!"

"I will shoot you."

"Threatening to shoot me? Then who would cook for you?"

"Hey, I can cook for myself."

"Uh huh, I've seen your refrigerator. Scientists could study that thing; it's the perfect Petri-dish."

"Just because I don't cook often, doesn't mean I don't cook."

"The comfort food truck doesn't count as cooking Kate."

"Hey, I'll have you know that I used to cook all the time. I am an awesome cook. But I have a real job, not like some writers who can annoy people on their on own time."

"Point taken." 

"Ha! I win!"

"You may let me lead sometimes but you still have to win."

"Hey, some things are better left as they are."

"Except of course for our hunger. Breakfast is served."

What Kate found in that moment was that she could do this every morning. Their banter had returned in full force and this was the icing on her Sunday morning cupcake. They feasted on pancakes and strawberries, they bantered and laughed, and it was if the world allowed them a morning of peace and joy. They feasted on that too. When they were done, they moved to the couch where they snuggled together and decided to watch a movie. It was so domestic. It was perfect.

"In my wildest dreams, I never imagined that Kate Beckett would be a cuddler."

"There is still so much to the Beckett onion, Rick."

Rick smiled down at her, "I look forward to the tears."

Kate laughed softly, "So when do Alexis and Martha get home?"

"I think you are better attuned to my daughter this morning than I."

"Huh?"

"I called her this morning. She told me what she did."

"Oh…"

"It's alright. She was worried about me, and…she probably had good reason. You know, before that call, I never understood the obsession that drove you. When it's the woman you love, when it's the people you love, the world seems to fade to black. Like a shroud of darkness that hovers over everything and everyone that isn't pertinent. A tunnel that forces you to see nothing but the hope of a small light that offers absolution. It's both intoxicating and humbling. Frustrating and blindly horrifying."

Being truthful was so much easier than either thought it could be. Kate remembered her mother's words, if in fact that was her mother, and how she spoke of honesty and its healing power. Today, she was going to heal, and she was going to make him do so as well.

"After seeing me fall apart, I can only imagine how far you fell."

"That's not the zenith of my helplessness, but it was close."

"You helped. More than you know."

"And if you will let me, I will always be there. I can't beat back the darkness for you Kate, but I can stand beside you while you do."

"It's not something that's easy or even pleasant is it?"

"No, it really isn't."

"Sometimes I think it's the hardest thing I have or will ever do."

"It doesn't have to be."

"Ditto."

"She also told me to tell you that she was sorry. Sorry for everything. I'm guessing that conversation did not go so well?"

She sighed, "No, it didn't. It was more my fault than hers though. I feel like I should apologize to her."

"Well, they will be home tomorrow sometime. I was sort of tired of them…"

"I understand Castle. I really do. More than you know."

While they may be different in many ways, the paths they chose in life were more in sync than even they realized.

"So what's on tap for today?"

"Well, I have the day off, so I was thinking about finding a hot guy and fucking his brains out. Of course, finding the guy is always the hardest part."

"Ha ha, very funny. Though there is something incredibly sexy about the word 'fuck' coming out of your mouth, I can think of different ways for it to work."

"Uh huh, I think my mouth did enough work last night, thank you very much."

"Actually, I was thinking we could talk, but nice to know where your mind is today."

"Hey, you started it!"

"And we both finished it. Multiple times."

"That was last night."

"And this morning."

Kate's laugh rang out through the loft, "After four years of unresolved sexual tension, I'm surprised we can even be on the same couch together."

"Hey, I'm game."

She turned around smiling and patted him on the chest she was resting on, "Uh we are going to have to hold off for a little while, Casanova. And wipe that smug grin off your face. If our positions were reversed, you wouldn't be able to get out of bed."

Castle's smugness could not be contained, "I think we did that too."

He was on fire today, "Yeah, we did, didn't we?"

"I've never been the small spoon before. Kinda refreshing, I gotta say."

"Duly noted. Though sometimes…"

"Sometimes?"

"Yeah, sometimes."

"Katherine Beckett, hopeless romantic."

"It's all about misdirection Castle."

"So should we have the talk?"

"Castle, we aren't in high school. I don't need to check a yes box to tell you that I was serious about last night and I don't need to declare that we are exclusive or some bullshit like that. I've slept with my fair share of guys, Castle, but never after 4 years of friendship. Oh yeah and there was that co-ed junior year."

Castle literally turned white, "I…who…who was she?"

He sometimes made it so easy, "Easy Tristan, I was joking."

"Not in my fantasies you weren't."

"Wow, what a magical wonderland," She crowed sarcastically.

"I would never suggest otherwise detective, but I think some perspective might be in order."

"How so?"

"I feel at a distinct disadvantage here, Kate. I held a secret from you that…"

"Castle, I held one from you too. At first, I didn't see it, I was blinded by what happened, and I allowed that to dictate my own reaction. It would be a bit hypocritical, hell it was hypocritical of me to hold your feet to the fire. This isn't hell Castle and I'm not Dante. There are no fires here, at least not anymore."

"Well, except one."

Kate laughed once again, "Yeah, except that one."

"I really am sorry, Kate."

"I'm sorry too. For everything. For those three months, for those two days, for making you wait, for making you suffer…"

"You suffered as well. You were the one shot in the chest. Yin and Yang, remember?"

"Yeah…those…those three months were hard."

"I can't imagine."

"My dad tried his best, but he knew that there wasn't much he could do. It had to be such a helpless feeling. I hated doing that to him, but he was the only one. I could barely look at myself, let alone let those who loved me…"

"Is that why you didn't call?"

"Castle…"

"No, no that's a stupid question."

"No it isn't. After four years, it's finally time to be honest and open. This is incredibly difficult for me, but…

"But?"

"It's just…"

"Kate we don't have to do this right now."

"Yeah, we do. I…I would do anything for you. Anything. You are my partner, my lover, and my best friend. Somewhere in that dumb hypocrisy I forgot that. So, I will try my very best. It's why I went back to my therapist. That means that you can ask me anything and I hope the same in return. It's just…of all the reasons I had to call you, I never thought that the reason I wouldn't was to protect you. From me. I've never been a martyr; I've never felt the need. Martyrs foolishly die for their beliefs. Heroes live for theirs, and I wanted so badly to be a hero. I wanted to be your hero, like you tried to be mine. And I thought that's what I was doing."

"Saving me?"

"Sound familiar?"

"Vaguely…"

It surprised them both just how much they seemed to walk the same path. Love does not mean consuming someone else, it means enhancing their lives so that their life is just that much better, and sometimes having something in common with someone simply means that we aren't alone.

It was something Kate was beginning to realize, "I think I realized for the first time what I had really done when Espo told me that you hadn't been back after being kicked out by Gates. I thought everything would be better, an equilibrium would return, but more than that, I thought we could find a place where I could fix my problems. A place where we might have a chance to be more than just partners."

"I really did go to that hospital under some naïve illusion that you could just dump Josh right there and fall into my arms. So your assumptions might not have been so far off."

"I know that too. It doesn't mean that I couldn't have a found a better way. Guilt causes us to do horrible things, to do the wrong thing for the right reason. It's just another thing we share now. If you don't want me to feel guilty about it, then you can't either. The scars that paint my chest and side are the products of a foolish and reckless abandon that came to pass because I thought I was Achilles without a heel."

"I've always thought of you as Prometheus stealing fire from the Gods."

"And now, I've had my heart torn out by an eagle."

"I thought it was his liver?"

"I was being poignant."

He smiled, "You can do that?"

"I can also make you say apples!"

"Alright, alright. Truce?"

"Truce."

"If I hadn't opened the files three years ago…you know, I think back to that, even to this day and I still wonder why I truly did it. Sometimes, I can convince myself that I did it because I wanted to help you find some measure of closure, but then I remember who I was back then and I wonder if I did it because I was a child who wanted nothing more than to patrol the streets of Gotham every night."

"I don't think that's true. I've seen you without that mask. The real you that I always want to see. I have no doubt that you did it because you wanted to help me and that's why I let you back. I would never have found my mother's killer if Esposito hadn't helped you pull those files that night and we might not be here. I don't regret it Castle. I don't. Please, share that with me?"

"You know, I'm starting to realize something."

"What's that?"

"We are human beings and this isn't a Harlequin paperback."

"You couldn't pull off Fabio anyway. Well, you could get hit in the face by a bird that I could totally see!"

"Funny. Wait…Esposito…you know about that too?"

"Of course I know."

"He threatened to make me bleed if I ever told you."

"It's alright Castle, my lips are sealed."

"Hopefully not for long!" 

"Oh, that is it!" She grabbed the throw pillow from the couch and allowed it to live up to its name. The rest of the morning was filled with the laughter of two people who were in love.

**April 30th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**1:43 P.M.**

"Delivery for Katherine Beckett."

"Um, how did you know I was here?"

"I was told that Katherine Beckett and only she could sign for this package so I was told to search for you at four different locations. This was the second on the list. Are you Ms. Beckett?"

"Um, yeah sure."

Quickly signing for the package, she took it from the carrier and wondered back into the loft. Rick was in the kitchen putting lunch together and when he turned he looked at her and saw that puzzled look she got when a case stumped her. She was adorable.

"Hey, did you get a package?" 

"Yeah, it's weird, why would it be delivered here?"

Castle laughed, "Huh, already having mail delivered here. Isn't that a little presumptuous?"

"Please, if I wanted to move in tomorrow, you would let me."

They both paused and it was Castle who spoke, "You don't know the half of it."

"Three months, Castle. Three whole months."

"Really?"

She smiled at his obvious eagerness, "Alright, maybe two."

He leaned over the bar and kissed her heatedly, "I love you so much."

"Ditto."

"Hey, that's not going to replace 'always' right?"

Kate chuckled, "God, I hope not!"

"So what did you get?"

"I don't know, let's see."

When she did see, she automatically wished she hadn't. It seemed the universe had decided that her peace and joy would last less than a day.

**A/N: If you are wondering what letter Castle wanted to write, read my story Requiem. That is sort of a prologue to this, though you don't need it whatsoever to understand what is going on. **

**I know this one is a little conversation heavy but I enjoyed writing them together so much that I couldn't stop. I actually went a lot further than I thought I would! I also wanted to tell you a little of my reasoning of getting them together so quickly. A lot of it is about character motivation when they experience things beyond their control, and I hope that the next chapter illuminates that in the best way possible. I wanted them to be free and clear of some of those relationship problems they faced before they faced what comes next. But I also thought it would be interesting to see Kate ready to give up the case and then quite possibly be forced to pick it up again. I think sometimes motivation matters more than action, and I think that will be the theme of the next chapter. **

**Buckle up folks, the next chapter is going to take canon, take all the evidence, and reveal everything! It should be an interesting ride. **

**Hope you enjoyed it!**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I am not Andrew Marlowe, but I do wish I could write for his show!

A/N: So, this might be the most controversial chapter I will write, but it is also the most important. This is a way in which I think the case could go, and I think it would be interesting to see! Hopefully, everything is consistent with the canon that we know, including the back-stories I have written about here. I hope you enjoy!

**Darkness Rises**

**April 30th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**1:57 P.M**

Kate didn't need to look at the remaining contents of the package to know exactly what this was and what it meant. Less than 12 hours after she thought she had finally rid of herself of this suffocating weight, one letter had the power to change everything. This was not what she wanted but it had been thrust upon her.

_Katherine Beckett,_

_If you are reading this letter, it can mean one of two things. I am on the run or I am dead. More than likely, given the circumstances, I am dead, so don't waste time looking for me and don't worry about where it came from. That isn't important right now. Roy once told me that you were the greatest NYPD detective he ever trained. I hope you can live up to that endorsement Ms. Beckett because what you face now is bigger than anything you have before. You have reached the big time, Katherine. Congratulations._

_By now, I would guess that you know this is about your mother's murder and the conspiracy behind it. If you have this package you know now that the deal that kept you alive has fallen apart. I don't care why it happened or the circumstances that led to this place, you and everyone you love are now in danger and the only way out is to take him down yourself. Trust no one detective. _

_Everything you need to win this war that has been thrust upon you is in this package, but I must warn you, do not run head-first into him. Use that cunning and spunk that Roy always spoke about. _

_Finally, I feel I must apologize. Fear kept me from finishing this, fear at the scope of what we faced, and so I allowed evil to grow into the abomination contained in this package. I truly am sorry Ms. Beckett that this task has fallen to you and only you._

_Hopefully, you can do what neither Roy nor I could do. End this. _

_End this detective and make the world a better place._

_John_

"Kate, what's wrong?"

She threw the rest of the package on the bar and handed Castle the letter so he could read it. Kate didn't know quite what to feel at this point, her emotions seemed like the perfect storm raging inside her, and though she had yearned for the justice her mother deserved, she now yearned for something more. She knew that wasn't possible now. She knew that this package changed everything. It seems life thought differently.

When Rick saw the look of shock and agony on Kate's face, he knew the contents of the package were a harbinger of something horrible that lie ahead. After he read the letter, he could feel nothing but guilt. It felt suffocating and overpowering. Oh God, what had he done? The situation was horrifyingly similar to the events of three years ago. Kate had put the case behind her and his mistakes forced her back to an obsession that threatened to destroy her.

Castle could barely form the words, "I…I'm so sorry Kate."

"You know, it would be wonderful if you didn't have to keep telling me that."

She stalked the front room like a lioness in a cage, ready to attack at the slightest provocation, but it was her eyes that revealed the depths of that anger. It wasn't pain, it was simple and utter rage. The look in her eyes at that moment resembled that of a lioness kidnapped from the wild and placed in a cage at a zoo. Those who knew could always tell the difference between a big cat who was born in captivity and one caught in the wild because those who were captured in the wild held that primal instinct and thrill of the hunt in their eyes. It was a glint of what could happen at any moment the instinct roared to life.

"We could run. Pack up just what we need and hide from them?"

"So you would be willing to give up everything? Take Alexis and Martha away from the lives they know and love? And we would never be safe, they would do everything they could to find us. We can't run, Castle."

"Then turn it over to the FBI like we talked about last night. Turn it over and let this just pass us by."

"Did you read the letter? You've said it yourself, they are powerful and evidence has a way of disappearing in this case. We can't trust anyone."

"This isn't your responsibility, Kate."

She couldn't hold back the rage any longer, "What do you want me to do Castle? Seriously what the hell am I supposed to do? The deal is off and that means they are coming after us, and now I'm certain that I'm not the only one they are after. Did you read the fucking note? Everyone is in danger! Everyone! And we can't trust anyone, which means we have to end this or they will end it for us!"

Castle tried to surge towards her but she quickly backed away, "Maybe we could contact them and try to make the same deal again?"

She tried desperately to calm her nerves and squelch that rage, "Are you really willing to take that chance? With Alexis? With Martha?"

Rick paused and saw the efficacy of her words, "No…no I'm not. Kate I…"

"Just…just don't." She held up her hand to stop the words from spilling forth. "Just give me a minute Castle."

She continued to stalk across the living room, all of her nerves were on fire, and she felt like a nuclear device just ready to explode. As if she hadn't already. What could she do? She couldn't risk the people she loved just as she was getting better at letting them in and seeking their council but she couldn't escape this either. It was then that her mother's words came back to her, "_I am sorry that you are the one who must stand now. You must find it within yourself to forgive, to love, and to save those who need it most. You must rise to the occasion._"

And then she screamed. As loud and for as long as she could. He closed his eyes. He could hardly bear the weight and the sound tore through him like the bullet that had ripped her apart nearly a year before, but as she turned toward him, he understood that this wasn't about grief or failure. She was letting go of the rage, letting go of the anger that threatened them both, but more than that, she was coming to terms with what they both realized they had to do. This was no longer about justice, it was about protecting what made life worth living. It was about making a stand for those you loved because she would be damned if she let them down.

She made a split decision, "Castle, I need to take you somewhere. Now."

**April 30th, 2012-New York City**

**Legacy and Remembrance Cemetery**

**2:20 P.M.**

They stood together, Castle a little behind Kate on her left, looking towards the head stone that had come to define every January 9th. Neither had spoken in ten minutes, they just stood and took in the atmosphere. It was neither awkward nor uncomfortable, it just felt normal. Never before had she shared this with him and it gave him hope that she wouldn't see their relationship as a casualty of the battle that loomed. They could do this. Together. At least, that was his hope…

"Hello mom. I'm kinda at a loss, I don't really know how long it's been, but it's been a while since I have been here. I'm sorry about that. Today, I brought someone I've wanted you to meet for a long time. I want to introduce you to my partner, my friend Richard Castle. The man I love."

He stood behind her, as he always had, awed at the honor she seemed to bestow upon him. His mother was right, for a writer he could never find the words when he needed them most, and so he stood rooted to his spot unable to speak.

She grinned at him and lightly took his hand in hers, silently giving him both the strength he needed and the permission he sought to be himself, "Usually, I can't get him to shut-up mom, though I can't now imagine a life without his words. He is the one mom who helped me get through the worst moments of my life, and though I never did before, with all that has happened, I am beginning to believe in something. I don't exactly know what but I do. I remember how you used to rave about his novels and how you said they were so good because they always brought justice to the world. When you died, I picked them up. They helped. More than he knows. And that's why I am telling you this. I need him to know that this will not break us, this will not be our Waterloo, our roots flow deeper than that which threatens to tear us apart, and it's important to me that he knows that. This is where I choose to make my stand. With him standing by my side."

With a small urge forward by her clasped hand, he took two steps forward and stood beside her instead of behind of her. It was a small gesture but it meant so much. The last few days, hell the last few months had been nothing short of a roller coaster, one that reached to the sky and fell to the ground, but they had made it this far and together they would do their best to make it home.

He leaned over and whispered, "Thank you for sharing this with me. For making me a better man." He then let her hand fall to her side and turned to pick up the flowers he had laid on the ground while waiting to see whether she would allow him to give them to Johanna. They were lilies. They seemed appropriate. He stepped forward and placed them on the ground that held Johanna's casket and paused briefly to whisper something she could not hear. Rick placed his hand on his mouth and then touched the headstone with the same hand, while leaning down on one knee.

Kate watched with rapt attention as he stood and slowly took the few steps it took to retake his position by her side. She then asked, "Can I ask a favor?"

"You can ask me anything."

"Can I get a moment alone with her?"

He looked at her and recognized her plea, "Of course. I'll be at the car." He then leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. Without hesitation, she took his face and claimed his lips. It wasn't passionate or heated, it was comforting and told him all he needed to know.

When Castle was safely off towards the car, Kate turned to her mother, "I was ready to give this up mom. I was ready to try and live the life I want. I wanted to make my stand with him. But today I realized something. He isn't my last stand nor is this case. Whether you were real or not, I finally understand that both Castle and this case are but stops along this journey. I get it now. It's not about overcoming all that has come my way, it's about the sword and the shield and the aftermath."

She knelt down in front of her mother's headstone, "This can't be about revenge or I am no better than them. You told me to let them in and that is exactly what I am going to do. Now we all face the greatest challenge we have ever faced. We will do it together though, and that will make all the difference."

Tears began to flow down her face in earnest, "Mom, I am going to walk into hell with the help of my friends, take the Devil's trident, and plunge it through his heart. And I'm going to do it…for Castle."

She stood from her kneeling position, "Please, please forgive me."

Kate leaned down and kissed her mother's name, she traced it lovingly with her fingers, "I've gotta go mom. It's time for me to wake up."

They met back at the car and he saw the tears soaking her face. Yet, there was something different about her. The way she walked, the way she looked at him screamed something other than hurt and pain. It screamed determination and focus, the things that had first drawn him in, and it dawned on him, the meaning of what had just occurred. She had steeled herself to the coming battle like a general who saw the impending war that must be waged.

"You're ready." He took her hand in his and provided the comfort he knew she needed. They were together and he would be there for her, no matter what dragons they encountered or paths of fire they avoided.

It wasn't a question, more a statement of fact, but she nodded all the same. Let him in Kate, let him in, "I have something I need to tell you." She sighed and let her new mantra flow through her and protect her like Linus' blue blanket, "The night before I came to your apartment, I had a…dream. I think. I don't really know what it was actually but that's the only thing that makes sense. It was about my mother. We were in a white room and she helped me to both say goodbye and to realize exactly what I needed to do."

His face shown of understanding, "I wrote a letter to her the night we got together, thanking her for everything."

She smiled, "I kind of figured."

"Even in death, she, like her daughter, is extraordinary," he quipped.

She smiled at him and brought his hand up to her mouth and placed a chaise kiss on the back, "She would have loved you."

He wanted to take away the darkness for just a moment, give her a breath of life even when the darkness was around them, "I knew you were both fan-girls."

She laughed loudly, "Not fan-girls Rick, fans. Big, huge difference."

Just as he desired, her smile lit up the cemetery, "Uh huh, are you ever going to tell me your screen name?"

She couldn't hold back her patented eye-roll or the laugh that escaped her mouth, "Haven't we already had this discussion? C'mon Castle, you have to be more original than that, I'm not that boring."

He disconnected his hand from her and began to make his way over to his side of her cruiser, "Hey, you could never be boring but we all know I'm a hack."

She again laughed and allowed herself to be taken away by their banter, "Do you expect me to disagree with that?"

"Hey, I was looking for a little sympathy here, you can only bruise my ego so much Beckett!"

"Ha! That helium balloon you call an ego needs to be popped every once in a while. If it gets too big you are just going to float away!"

"Ha, ha, very funny. Just you remember, I can withhold sex from you at any time."

"Yeah right, you couldn't resist me if you tried."

As they both entered the cruiser, Castle rose to the invitation, "Is that a challenge?"

Kate quickly leaned over the seat and took his face in her hands. She began to rub her nose against his. Her breath was hot and she moaned slightly. He closed his eyes and let her play with him, and as he expected, she began to nip his ear with her mouth and tongue. Then she whispered in his ear, "No, it's a fact."

He barely had enough blood in his head to form a coherent response. Well, at least not that head anyway, "Tease. You are an amazing tease."

"And don't you forget it."

She placed her keys in the ignition, and as the car roared to life, he knew that he would never forget, "So what do we do now?"

"Actually, I was going to ask you that."

He was shocked. Not that she was unable to relinquish control but he expected her to dive into this head-first. "You're asking me?"

She looked at him and started in immediately, "Castle, this time is going to be different. I can't give up the case like I wanted but what I can do is find a balance where I don't fall into that hole again. I'll make you a deal, you help me keep my head above water and I'll keep you from falling back into the obsession that drove you the past few weeks. We can find that equilibrium Castle and I think part of that is allowing others to help and sharing when it needs to happen."

The pride was evident when he spoke, "It's a deal, detective."

"So what do you think, should we bring Martha and Alexis home?"

"I think we should, yeah. I think it will be easier to protect them here than in The Hamptons, and I want them here. I need…I need to make it up to them."

"Castle, they will forgive you. I forgive you. Don't you ever think this is your fault."

He looked down at his hands as she pulled out of the cemetery, "I'm trying. I really am."

She reached over and took his hand in hers, "I am here for you. I know that guilt Castle. Over the years, we became intimately acquainted. Don't hide it from me, alright?"

He smirked at her, "Should I be jealous?"

"Of an emotion? Are you kidding me?"

"Just checking detective, just checking."

"Castle?"

"I promise, I won't hide it from you."

She looked at him and this time it was her turn to be proud, "Thank you."

He squeezed her hand and pulled out his phone, "I'm gonna call them and tell them to come back, then we can call Esposito and Ryan and tell them to meet us at the loft as soon as they can get there. We can explain everything then."

"I think it might be a good idea to put the case back together in your study as well, we can use that package to add to it and try to get a picture of what we are dealing with."

"What about Lanie?" 

"Call her too. We are going to need all the help we can get and she is one of the smartest people I have ever met. Besides, she would kill me if I didn't tell her about this. I've already kept more from her than I should have."

"You guys still haven't fully made up?"

Kate sighed, "We have and will always be friends but we still haven't gotten past the summer. Sometimes, I forget how much damage I did…"

"Hey, yin and yang, remember?"

"I know, I know. I'm going to do my best to work on that too."

"Your best has always been good enough."

**April 30th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**9:32 P.M.**

The entire afternoon had gone according to script. Well, mostly anyway. Martha and Alexis had arrived around 6, and the tension between Alexis and Kate was palpable. Rick had spent over an hour with just them as he explained everything, and it seemed that things between them had returned to what it was before. However, Kate couldn't shake the feeling that every time Alexis looked at her, she was somehow blaming her for all of this. Was this her fault? After they had ordered Chinese food and chowed down on moo goo gai pan, pork ribs, sweet and sour chicken and beef, and far too many eggrolls to count, Martha and Alexis had excused themselves around 8:15. That left Esposito, Ryan, Lanie, Rick and Kate together again.

The entire gang had spent the better part of the day when they were alone going through the files and creating a murder board that allowed them to see the entire picture. That picture was daunting to say the least. Apparently, Roy had been a member of Delta Task Force 19 with Dick Coonan, Hal Lockwood, Mason Harrison, John Smith and two others. That fact was confirmed by a picture in the package that showed them all together. The picture was taken in 1985 just outside of Kandahar, Afghanistan. It was a part of their former bosses' history that they never knew. What they came to realize was that Kate wasn't the only one who wasn't a sharer. They also had a good idea who the sniper at Roy's funeral had been. One of the 'others' in the photo was likely Kate's shooter, and that fact was lost on none of them.

What they also realized was that this case did not begin with the murder of Bob Armand in 1992, it began in 1988 during the first Palestinian Intifada. On April 19th, 1988 PLO leader Abu Jihad was assassinated in Northern Africa while on a diplomatic mission. When news reached Gaza and other Palestinian territories, tempers flared and riots erupted. Those riots turned dangerous quickly with deaths attributed both to Israeli efforts to quell the violence and in-fighting amongst groups like Hamas or Islamic Jihad. Though Americans were warned to leave Israel and all Palestinian territories, many aid workers remained behind to help the dead, the dying and the destitute. Almost expectantly, three American aid workers were taken hostage, and after diplomatic efforts with Israel failed, the United States sent Delta Task Force 19 in to secure the hostages.

Operation Tip of the Spear was mostly a success but small skirmishes forced Delta to separate, and in the chaos, Roy was left behind. Delta was ordered to leave Roy behind but they disobeyed orders and went back in to retrieve their fallen comrade. In the process, they were forced to blow up an apartment complex which housed anywhere from 300 to 500 innocent Palestinians. Estimates put the death toll at somewhere between 30 and 60, and though Delta was able to ex-fill successfully, the Palestinians blamed the Israeli's for the incident. The Oslo Accords and The Madrid Conference were placed in serious jeopardy by the actions of Delta, and as a result, on May 2nd, 1988, all of the members of Delta were honorably discharged. They were spared a dishonorable discharge because of the resulting cover-up concerning American involvement in the downing of the apartment complex, but the damage had been done and Delta Task Force 19 could no longer be trusted.

Mason Harrison had joined Delta as a way to test himself and find something greater than the wealth he inherited growing up with millionaire parents. When the thing he found purpose in was taken, he was shaken to his core. He was the leader of a group of men that did important things in the world, they helped those who could not help themselves, and when he was no longer on that front line, he roamed the world searching for purpose and meaning. When he had his own revelation, he used his money, his influence and his contacts to create a company where he wouldn't be beholden to the whims of pencil-pushers who failed to see the complexities of the world. He created a company that he named Beati Pacifici Inc., roughly translated from Latin as "blessed are the peacemakers". It was a company that specialized in tactical support and mercenary services, he would train his own people and use them to bring peace to those who so yearned for its gentle embrace. When the company first began, he recruited all the members of his former task force and every member of the team signed on except for Roy and John. The remaining members of Delta Task Force 19 created an inner circle that sought to protect and defend each other and spread their message across the globe.

And when Roy refused to join in the cause, they determined that they would watch to make sure he would never be a thorn in their side. Those first few years were tough, they lacked the necessary funding to properly run this fledging company, but opportunity soon presented itself. After the murder of Bob Arman in 1992, Mason Harrison saw an opportunity to boost his company and place Roy under his control. He blackmailed Roy and the others into giving him the money they had collected: 29 million dollars. With a fresh infusion of capital and police officers he now owned, Mason Harrison was able to take his company and make it a dominant force in the world.

Today, Beati Pacifici was the 2nd largest mercenary company in the United States behind only Blackwater, it's influence was global and it's reach was nearly omnipresent. According to the files, they had NYPD detectives, people inside the Mayor's office, United States Congressmen and Senators on the payroll, and they used that reach to land contracts in Iraq, Afghanistan and South Korea and keep their actions from coming under scrutiny.

Though there were still questions about Roy's past, the rest of the story came into sharper focus the more they studied it. It became clear that Dick Coonan wasn't hired by Mason Harrison to take out Johanna Beckett, he was ordered to do so as one of the CEO's top lieutenants, and that Coonan's drug business in Afghanistan was just a front to keep money rolling into Beati Pacifici. In fact, that's how Coonan had been laundering the money he made from the drugs he sold, he ran it through the company as extra stock dividends or expenses paid, and when that didn't work, accountants at Beati Pacifici had cooked their books in order to hide the money and later launder it so that it looked simply like profits. Al Capone had never gone down for murder but the government had gotten him on tax evasion, and that was one avenue Beckett and her gang were going to explore. The more evidence they could gather and the more illegal things they could pin on this bastard the better.

"This is fucking unbelievable. How in the world are we supposed to fight this?"

Instead of throwing cold water on everyone in attendance, Ryan's curse caused everyone to pause and then burst into laughter. It might have been a coping mechanism but it was sorely needed.

"Yo, honey milk. Since when do you curse?" Esposito could barely contain his laughter.

Even Ryan allowed a smile to break through the enormity of the situation, "Hey, I'm Irish. It's genetic."

Castle couldn't help himself, "I thought drinking was genetic?"

"That, writer boy, is a stereotype that I would thank you not to indulge."

Esposito nearly coughed at that, "It's not a stereotype when it's true."

Ryan couldn't stop the laughter now, "Uh huh, I seem to remember a night 5 years ago when you got drunk and swore me to secrecy, so be careful partner."

Both Lanie and Kate perked up at that but for different reasons, "Ha! I remember that too, Espo. Do you really want that story out for public consumption?"

"Hey, don't hold out on me on his account. I'm going to marry the guy, I should know all of his embarrassing stories!"

They all laughed as Esposito squirmed in his seat and tried desperately to sink into the floor. Before Ryan could gleefully tell that story, a knock at the door startled them all.

Kate was the first to ask, "Castle are you expecting company?"

Castle replied quickly, "No. They are already here."

They all descended into cop mode and Kate took charge, "Alright guys, stack'em up. Castle, take Lanie into the kitchen." While Castle put himself between Lanie and the door, Kate, Esposito and Ryan drew their guns and made their way to the door. They went on three…

Kate was stunned, "Sir?"

Captain Victoria Gates walked calmly through the door and past the drawn guns of her three best detectives, "At ease gentlemen. Hello detective, I think we all need to talk."

_10 minutes later…_

They sat around the table in Castle's kitchen stunned at the turn of events. They were surrounded by the electronic murder board they had decided to move from Castle's study and by a silence that was awkward to say the least.

Captain Gates broke the stalemate, "So, I guess I should explain a few things. I received the same package today that I assume you all did. You may wonder why and that's what I am here to explain."

Castle couldn't hide his wonder, "Did you know Roy before we did?"

"Yes, Mr. Castle I did."

Kate was taken aback, "How did I not know this?"

"You may wonder detective why I seem to have taken such an interest in you. It's because Roy spoke so highly of you."

"He never spoke of you." It wasn't meant as an insult necessarily, but Gates had been a thorn in her side for almost a year now. She wasn't looking to make a new friend either.

The captain locked eyes with Beckett, "No, I wouldn't imagine he did. Allow me to explain detective, we are close."

Kate internally debated between embracing the anger and allowing her captain to speak. At least that part of by-the-book hadn't left her yet, "Of course, Captain."

"When I first came into the precinct, I can admit that I was jealous of you and part of my attitude was a direct product of that jealousy. Then I saw in you what Roy had spoken of for so many years and I decided that I could not allow you to be anything but the amazing detective Roy had admired. See, I know more about Roy Montgomery than anyone here, and that is probably the reason he never spoke of me. In 1978, Roy joined the army. After a few years of excellent service, his superiors saw something in him and urged him to join special-forces and put his unique skill set to better use."

Ryan could no longer hold back his question, "Sir, how do you know all of this?"

"I joined the force in 1996 and quickly flew up the ranks because the NYPD was desperate for female quota fillers. It's the reason I want to be called sir. I can't stand that politics and law are why I am where I am but that is the nature of the business. I decided to play the game a long time ago. In 1997, Roy Montgomery became my training officer. He was my Royce, Detective."

Kate bristled at the comment and the eyes of the room descended to her, "You have no idea whether that's true or not, Sir."

"I know that when the rumors became too much for the two of you, he left the force so that you could be a detective and work in Vice."

The look that adorned Kate's face told the captain all she needed, "But this is Roy's story. Though he was a few years older than me, we became close friends who leaned on each when times got tough. He married Evelyn in 1980, and though I knew that, I could not help but fall in love with the man who saved my life. Twice. Of course, Roy would never cheat on his wife and I am not that kind of woman. Still, our mutual attraction had many, including Evelyn, wondering whether we were in fact participants in a torrid love affair. When the rumors became too much, I requested a transfer to Internal Affairs."

Kate was the first to ask the question, "That still doesn't explain how you know all of this."

"I'm getting there detective. I would think that with your shadow being a famous writer, you above all would appreciate some build up."

Kate almost laughed, "Fair enough."

"On one of the occasions that Roy saved my life, the incident shook me badly. That night, Roy took me to a diner, Remy's I believe, and told me his story. For months, I had been on him to tell me how he became a cop and how a former member of Delta had ended up as a police officer in the NYPD. In 1982, Roy finally made it as a member of Delta Force and was assigned to Delta Task Force 19. There he met the men that I assume you have already seen. What the files don't give you is context. You see, Roy and John were different than the others in that task force and they bonded quickly. In 1983, while helping to train Afghan forces against the Soviet invasion of their country, John Smith was badly wounded. It was Roy that carried him out of there. Since then, they have been life long friends. Both are now dead. I assume you know about Operation Tip of the Spear?"

"We just read that."

"Good. That mission tore Roy up, the thought of those innocent civilians dying just to save his life and the honorable discharge that followed forced him to re-evaluate and refocus. In 1990, Roy joined the NYPD to seek penance for that day. Really, Roy just wanted to make a difference for people. That's when he met McAlister and Raglan. He told me about Arman, he told me about Harrison, and he told me that he would never again be party to an innocent person's death. I don't know if he died a hero, I may be blinded by his stupidity, but I do know that he thought you were innocent Detective. In my wildest dreams, this mess of man died to protect another innocent person. In my worst nightmares, he died a coward unwilling to face his own demons."

Silence settled over the loft while Gates rose from her seat at the table to stare at the electronic murder board with all the information they had collected in that day. It was Esposito who broke the tension, "Roy Montgomery was not a coward."

Gates turned to look at Esposito, "I know what happened that night. He told me what he was going to do moments before Detective Beckett walked into that hangar. I couldn't get there in time, though I did try. When I did get there, everyone was dead and all of you were gone. I'm the one who called it in. And I'm the one that helped all of you keep his name clean. In a final act of…hell I don't know, let's call it compassion, Roy left a paper trail that legalizes your cover-up. He knew that all of you would hide his betrayal and he wanted to save you from that. Actually, that's why I took the position as Captain of the 12th, I wanted to make sure that his betrayal didn't taint the rest of you."

Kate could hardly form the words, "He betrayed you as well."

"Yes. I owe Roy Montgomery my life. When this is over though, I'm not sure I will ever look at him as anything else."

When she was finished, none of them could talk. How do you add that story to a murder board when it hits so deeply? How do you function when you find out that a part of your own personal story was never yours to know? They thought the picture they saw before Gates arrived was daunting. Now, the story was just tragic and painful.

It hit Castle incredibly hard, and as he stood off to the side near the window on the ground floor of his loft looking out over the skyline of New York City, Kate joined him while the others fought to regain their composure.

"Castle?"

"If I had never opened that file…"

She reached over and tugged on his hand, "I told you about that guilt, didn't I? This is not your fault, Castle. It's not. Roy made that choice. Roy chose to make his stand. Whether it was right or wrong has nothing to do with you."

"Would he have had to make that choice if I didn't force the issue?"

"At some point, I firmly believe he would have had to make that choice, Castle. Something I have come to realize is that one day, whether it was yesterday or tomorrow, this case would have been forced into the open."

Castle sighed, "He might have…"

Castle was cut off as Beckett leaned into him and kissed him passionately in front of everyone in the room. Esposito laughed, "Yo Ryan, you owe me big time."

Ryan happily paid up, "At least something good came of all this though."

Lanie just shook her head, "It's about damn time."

With that, this family firmly defined how they would react to Kate and Rick. They were ecstatic for this new light that shined between them, and as Lanie leaned in to kiss Esposito, this unusual family found that the way they would survive was by being with each other. By leaning on each other and depending on the friends they trusted with their lives.

Of course, Rick and Kate heard none of this, so when they broke they were oblivious to the scene behind them. It was then that Beckett saw the red dot that adorned Rick's forehead, and for a moment, she didn't register its meaning. In an instant, realization tore through her and with everything she had she tackled Rick to the ground. At the same moment she screamed, "Everyone Down!"

Everyone dove for cover as bullets began to fly and the loft exploded in gunfire.

**A/N: Again, thank you all for the very kind reviews; it keeps me writing knowing that people are enjoying what I write. It get's even better from here folks, here's hoping you can all hang on for the ride.**

**Finally, I have to say that the hardest voice to find was the Captain's. I like her character a lot, and I know how unpopular that is. I hope that her back-story is something like this on the show. **


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I only wish I owned them.

A/N: I think somewhere along the line, I promised you action. Well, here you go. I really hope you enjoy this chapter!

**April 30th, 2012-New York City**

**Beati Pacifici Inc.**

**4:32 P.M.**

"Yes sir?"

"Operation Cold Steel is in effect. Initiate radio silence plan Alpha."

"Understood, sir. Targets?"

"Richard Castle and Katherine Beckett."

"Time frame?"

"I want it done by 2300 hours tonight, lieutenant."

"Sir, it would be more effective during the day."

"Do not question me, lieutenant. You have your orders, now get it done."

"Yes sir, I will take care of it."

"You had better or you will be next."

Mason Harrison clicked the end button on his cell phone and frustratingly tossed it on his desk. These people were far too pesky for his liking. They just didn't seem to want to die. How many damn times was he going to have to kill that detective? She was far too close for his comfort, and though they had taken out John, well he had taken himself out really, Mason hated loose ends. You don't get to be one of the most powerful CEOs in the United States without breaking some eggs, and though he hated to kill innocent people, they were a necessary sacrifice for the greater good. That's what Roy had taught him, whether he liked to admit it or not.

His cause was noble and the ends were just. Nothing else mattered.

**April 30th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**10:02 P.M.**

Chaos. Total and utter Chaos.

Kate nearly threw Castle behind the island in the kitchen as bullets reigned down upon the loft as if the sky had opened up and rained hot lead upon their heads. Glass shattered, collectibles were destroyed, and those who witnessed the conflagration sought cover from the storm's hail.

From her spot behind one of the banisters, Captain Gates barked into her walkie-talkie, "This is Gates, officers in distress at Richard Castle's loft. We need back-up immediately!"

Huddled behind the bar in the kitchen, with bullets shattering his possessions, Rick saw Alexis come scrambling out her room upstairs, "Dad!"

"Alexis stay up there, don't come down!"

Just when he thought his world could not come further apart he saw blood splatter the wall behind Alexis and he heard her scream as she fell to the floor. He could do nothing but scream, "Alexis!"

Bullets continued to pepper the loft. Kate saw the bullet strike Alexis' shoulder, and for the tiniest of moments, she wondered if this was a nightmare she could hopefully escape by opening her eyes. Be strong Kate, find what you need to deal with this situation, and cry later. That inner strength screamed at her and gave her the power to hold Rick down as he desperately tried to get to Alexis. She practically screamed at him, "Rick stay down!"

"I have to get to her! Alexis!"

Alexis had become hysterical, "Daddy!"

Kate grabbed Rick's shoulders in a forceful grip, "Rick stay down! I'll get her, I promise!"

Without preamble or discussion, Kate took off towards the stairs. Bullets chased her towards Alexis but she found purchase as the stairs she had just used to propel herself forward exploded. At the same moment, Ryan sprinted towards Rick and tackled him to the ground in order to keep him from following Beckett. Kate dove at Alexis and tackled her down the hall so that the wall and her own body could protect Alexis from further damage. As gently as possible, Kate pulled Alexis between her legs as she sat in the hall and tried her best to comfort Castle's daughter.

It wasn't doing much good. Kate spoke soothing words to Alexis, rubbed her hands through her hair, and allowed a calm that she didn't know she could find to envelop Alexis even as bullets continued to scorch the air. Alexis was bleeding from her shoulder but the wound looked to be through and through and it didn't appear to hit bone. There was no doubt that she was in pain, but what Kate feared most was the panic she saw in Alexis. Alexis was having a panic attack.

"Castle, I have her and she is safe! Stay down!"

Esposito yelled through the roaring gunfire, "Kate you got her?

"I've got her Espo!"

Captain Gates joined in, "Esposito! Ryan! Do you have the shooter?"

Ryan yelled, "I've got him, red dot across the street. Rooftop of the building."

They couldn't risk shooting back, they had all heard the stories of randomly fired bullets that came down from New Years Eve parties and killed innocent people. They would have to wait this out. How much longer could it possibly go on?

Captain Gates sought control of the situation, "Can you guys make a break for the door to pursue?"

Ryan and Esposito yelled the same thing at nearly the same time, "We've got this Sir!"

"Alright, I'm going to fire into the refrigerator. Hopefully it will give you the moment you need. On three! 1…2…3!"

Captain Gates turned and fired three shots into Castle's Frigidaire. It did little good. On the count of three, Esposito and Ryan took off for the door. They were met with gunfire but pushed through and slammed through the door, not bothering to open it. They both stumbled from the apartment and then sprinted to the elevator. Not bothering to stop Ryan yelled, "Stairs, Javi, stairs!"

They didn't even glance in the direction of the elevator, they simply flew down six flights of stairs taking as many as they could as fast they could. When they exited the building, they knew the shooter was in the building behind Rick's and they knew this put them at a disadvantage. It seemed that the bullets had stopped and the night was filled with the sirens of back-up and ambulance's racing toward them.

They took off in a dead sprint towards the building behind Rick's, and when they sighted the building, they saw their shooter escaping down the fire-escape on the west side of the building. They both shouted with drawn guns, "Stop! NYPD, freeze!"

For a moment, the shooter threw them a shocked look and they might have believed this would be easy had he not held onto the rail with his right hand and brought his gun to bear on them with his left. They dove for cover as the gunman continued to lay down cover fire for his escape. When the bullets stopped, Ryan peered out from the dumpster he had taken cover behind and saw the suspect running north down the alley. "Javi, let's go!"

Both took off from their designated hiding spots and caught sight of the suspect heading west down another alley. Ryan flanked Esposito on his left side, a little behind him, as both urged air through their lungs. They turned the corner and saw the suspect take another turn north and realized that he was going to make quick, successive turns to try and lose them in the darkness and confusion. The dead end of this alley forked both left and right, and though the suspect had taken a left, Esposito bet that by splitting they could cover more ground and catch him while he doubled back. That's how he would do it anyway.

Esposito yelled at his partner, "We need him alive, Ryan. Separate. You go left, I'll go right and meet you in the middle."

He didn't need confirmation, when they hit the dead end Esposito headed south and Ryan headed north. When Esposito hit another alley leading west, he took it and sprinted towards the sound of feet slapping against the pavement. Sure enough, the suspect was headed back towards him but then turned west into an alley they hadn't reached yet. Esposito was first through the alley and saw the suspect sprinting towards a thirteen foot-high chain-link fence. He also knew he was closing the distance. He was maybe 20 feet behind the suspect and knew that the fence would be his savior. From his position behind the suspect, Esposito saw the suspect try to use his momentum to jump the fence, and Esposito knew this was his chance. The moment the suspect hit the fence, Esposito quickly closed the distance and leapt on the suspects back before he was able to make it over. They slammed into the fence hard, knocking what little breath either had in their lungs from them. Both suspect and cop fell to the ground, moaning as they struck the unrelenting cement, their guns skidding across the cement as they were separated by the impact on the ground.

The suspect was up before Esposito but instead of trying to run, he threw a kick towards Esposito's face. Esposito saw it coming though and rolled backwards avoiding the kick. In a flurry he was barely able to avoid, the suspect threw two punches and a kick aimed at the detective's stomach. With deft and precision, Esposito avoided the obviously well trained suspect, and though Esposito's technique was precise, the suspect's speed was a valuable weapon. Without missing a beat, Esposito was engaged in a fight for his life; he dodged two more punches and managed a couple of his own. The fight wasn't going according to plan however; the suspect was backing him towards the east wall of the nearest building cutting off his ability to dodge backwards.

The moment his back made contact with the building, the suspect swept Esposito's legs from under him. The detective hit the ground hard and was met with another kick to the abdomen which lifted him off the ground and slammed him back into the wall once more. Esposito's skull created a sickening thud as it bounced off the unforgiving brick, and in the same moment, the suspect surged forward, placed both hands on his head and slammed it once more into the building. Blood oozed down the right side of Esposito's head and face from the multiple lacerations which adorned his skull. He knew he was about to pass out from the rapid blood loss and the trauma he had suffered. His lungs burned from both the run and the fight and his head only allowed stars to pierce his vision.

And then nothing. Did he pass out? No, he could hear sounds coming from a few feet away but he couldn't register what was happening. His eyes fought for clarity but the pain was blinding. As he tried to get up, a hand came to rest on his shoulder and he caught the voice of his partner, "Stay down Javi, stay down."

Ryan quickly pulled his walkie-talkie from his jacket and holstered his gun, gasping for air that seemed elusive, "This is Detective Kevin Ryan, officer down, officer down! We are on the corner of 57th and 3rd behind the Meadow Gables complex. I need back-up, a bus, and an ambulance!"

"Roger 3-Lincoln-40, ambulance and back-up are en route. ETA, three minutes. Stand bye."

On all fours, Esposito gasped for air and fought his best to reign in the pain that wracked his stomach and head. Blood dripped at an alarming rate from his head and he couldn't maintain his legs or arms, collapsing to the ground once more. Instantly, Kevin was there, "Javi, stay with me, the ambulance is on the way, hang on man. Alright? Hang on."

Esposito rolled to his side and grabbed his ribs, still gasping for breath and wincing every single time he did, "Don't get all emotional on me bro, I'm not going anywhere."

Ryan smiled but kept his hand on his partner's shoulder, "Those are the best words I've heard today."

Esposito tried his best to muster a good response while Ryan tore his jacket off and tried to wrap it around his partner's head, "What happened?"

"I got here just in time and tackled him off you. He's right over there and cuffed, so hopefully he can help us."

Ryan continued to try and stem the blood that flowed from the wounds on Esposito's head, and though he seemed to be alert and functioning, he was clearly in pain. Ryan was clearly concerned for his partner, and though he tried to hide it, the stress of the situation painted his face like a freshly done canvas on display at the Louvre.

Ryan's phone cut through the silence, "Ryan."

Captain Gate's voice rang out through the darkness, "Detective Ryan, we heard the call, what happened?"

"We got the guy but he beat up Esposito. He's going to be alright but we do need back-up and an ambulance now."

"Detective, I am sending a few officers that arrived at the loft, and the ambulance is on the way. Hang on son, they will be there soon."

Silently, Ryan wondered if the wizard had somehow granted the captain's wish for a new heart, but he forced that reply down, "Yes sir. What do you want to do with the suspect?"

"I'll come get him when I can get away from the loft. For now, make sure Esposito is alright and help secure the scene. How bad is Detective Esposito?"

Ryan almost laughed, "Well he has my jacket wrapped around his head and he is glaring at me like he isn't in pain. I'd say he's alright."

"Detective Ryan, I have a very concerned medical examiner here, can Detective Esposito speak?"

Ryan placed his right hand over the receiver of his phone and whispered to his partner, "Can you talk?"

"To Lanie? No…not right now…no…"

Ryan understood perfectly and was saved by the approaching sirens of the ambulance, "Not right now Sir, the ambulance just arrived."

"Understood Detective, though you should know she is en route now."

"Didn't want to get in her way Sir?"

Okay, where the hell did that come from? Instead of the admonishment he expected, he was met with a laugh, "Not even going to try, Detective. I try my best not to get in her way. Good luck. I'll be there as quick as I can."

"Thank you Sir." He hung up with an astonished look on his face.

"She laughed at that and made a joke!"

Esposito paled considerably, "Oh God, I'm dead aren't I?"

Ryan couldn't hold back his matching laugh, "No Javi, you are too pretty for that. Though when Lanie gets a hold of you, you might wish you were."

Esposito grinned, "Care to take that bullet for me, partner?"

Ryan returned volley, "Hey, I have my own at home, partner. I would do anything for you, but you aren't that good of a friend."

Esposito coughed, a small trickle of blood escaped his mouth, "Smartass."

Ryan's mood shifted back to serious quickly, "The ambulance is here Javi. We got you."

Javier grabbed Ryan's arm, "Thanks for saving my life bro."

"I'll always meet you in the middle, partner. Just return the favor sometime and we are even."

"All I ever do is save your ass!"

"Then make sure you are around to do it some more. Guys, over here!"

**May 1st, 2012-New York City**

**Good Samaritan Trauma Center**

**1:51 A.M.**

Everyone was fine, though a little worse for wear. Esposito had a concussion and needed 12 stitches to close the two largest cuts he had sustained. He would also be sporting a fetching flak jacket for his bruised but not broken ribs and would be required to ice them down for the next 48 to 72 hours. He would be kept for at least one night, just to be safe. When Lanie found out that he would be alright, she nearly caused a longer stay in the hospital, but after what they had already been through, she decided against causing anymore physical damage. They were going to talk about why he didn't want to talk to her on the phone, but they wouldn't do so now. Heal. They would heal first. Then she would break him.

Alexis was going to be fine as well, the bullet nicked her shoulder and it too required stitches to close. The doctors were worried about infection, as always, and her blood pressure had not come under control from the panic attack she had at the loft, so they had decided to keep her over night for observation. The members of this family that weren't lying prone in a hospital bed were told to go home, get some rest, and return at eight in the morning when visiting hours began.

Captain Gates took custody of the man who had riddled the loft with bullets, and when he was brought into the light, the gang quickly realized that he was one of the two 'other' men in the photo they had seen earlier today. It was quite possible that this man was also the man who shot Kate at Roy's funeral, though Beckett and the gang couldn't be sure. Finally, protection details had been assigned to everyone close to this family, including Jim Beckett.

Still, the mood was heavy as Castle sat with Alexis, and the rest of the gang floated between the rooms. Even Captain Gates had come by to check on her perceived progeny and with a heart that seemed to grow three sizes over-night, she had ordered Beckett, Ryan, Esposito and Lanie to take the next few days to recover.

The loft was a disaster as well, it was strewn with broken vases and glass, and though he didn't want to think about it, Castle was going to have to have his daughters blood cleaned from the second floor. The only positive was that CSU was already done with their sweep after collecting 32 rounds from the loft. The attack had lasted less than 5 minutes, though it seemed an eternity. The fact that Esposito and Ryan had been successful in capturing the suspect, whom they still did not have a name for, with the weapon in question made CSU ready to release the scene. He had fired at the loft with an ACR 6.8mm assault rifle with laser mounted site, and he had chosen the building directly across the street from the loft. Didn't that seem odd?

Through it all, Kate had been beside Rick as he tried desperately to navigate this new landscape of a life. Simply put, he blamed himself. After all of the wonderful things he had done, after searching for and finding a path towards meaning and purpose, he could see nothing but the guilt that threatened to consume him. Mistake after mistake had taken their toll, and now, the people he loved were paying the price for his failure. Beckett had been ready to give up the case, his little girl had taken a bullet meant for him, Esposito lay in a hospital bed with a concussion, and it all occurred because he wasn't good enough to overcome the obstacles he faced. He felt weak and beaten. And he didn't know whether he could fight anymore…

"C'mon Castle, let's take Martha home and come back in the morning. Alexis will be sleeping until morning. We aren't going to do any good here."

"Kate, how am I supposed to go back to that loft? My little girl's blood taints the walls of my home. I can't go there, Kate. Where am I supposed to go?" He could barely get those last words out as the adrenaline of the night finally tapered off, and he could not deny the emotion that finally crashed down upon him. He felt as though the weight of the world rested on his shoulders, Atlas condemned to Gaia by Zeus to hold for eternity, and because of his failures, the sky had fallen.

Kate took his hand and sought to provide him the strength he needed to move forward as they sat together and watched Alexis sleep, "We'll go to my apartment, Rick."

He could barely hold back the tears, "I'm lost, Kate."

Beckett leaned forward and took his face in her hands, "Then let me show you the way."

**May 1st, 2012-New York City**

**Beckett's Apartment**

**3:31 A.M.**

Martha had initially argued that she shouldn't take Kate's bed, but after a brief discussion, which basically consisted of Kate putting her foot down, Martha had acquiesced to take the bed. After a day and night they never believed they would be forced to live through, Lanie had gone home alone after convincing Beckett she would be safe, Ryan had found Jenny and sought comfort with his wife, and Castle, Martha and Kate sought comfort in the warmth of each other.

It was well after three in the morning as Rick and Kate found themselves sitting on her couch in her front room bathed in the soft light of Kate's porcelain buffet lamps. Martha had already given in to exhaustion but she made it a point to hug her son just a little bit tighter. As they spoke, Rick fingered the coffee in his hands and allowed the anger and frustration of this painful day to flow through his slumped form.

"I got my little girl shot tonight, Kate."

"Castle…"

"No, Kate. You aren't going to talk me off the ledge, it's time I took responsibility for the mistakes I've made. I got my little girl shot tonight and everything is not going to be alright. He came after me and my daughter turned into collateral damage."

"Maybe so…"

It was a mix of anger and heartbreak, "I want to kill him, Kate. Do you understand that? I want to kill that bastard with my bare hands." 

For Kate, this was like looking into a mirror, one warped by the worst life could offer. Had she really thought any differently that night 14 years ago? She answered with the wisdom of loss, "I know the feeling."

"I don't know how you do it, I don't know what it is about you that allows you to function, but I can't see past this burning desire to make him suffer for what he did tonight." 

"I used to feel that way, Rick."

"I don't want to get past it right now. I don't want to do the right thing. I just want to kick his ass."

"If I had known who he was when my mother was killed, I would have placed my gun to his head and pulled the trigger."

This admission forced Rick to turn in question, "How did you get past it?"

"I didn't for a while. I even bought a gun so that when my mother's murderer was found, I could kill him. When that comfort eluded me, I joined the academy. I became a cop because they failed to find the man who had caused so much pain. Castle, something the job teaches you is that there is a fine line between justice and vengeance. It was a lesson that took hold slowly, but eventually, I realized that justice meant more to the people I fought for everyday. The victims I sought justice for taught me that vengeance was for the scum I put away everyday."

"Did killing Coonan make you feel better?"

"No. I didn't want revenge, Castle. I killed Coonan to protect you and that's how I knew it wasn't vengeance."

"Kate, I…"

Before he could continue, Kate took his hand and pulled him towards her. The kiss was heated and passionate and was meant to heal and to pull him from the abyss on which he teetered. She pulled back for just a second and whispered, "It's not your fault Rick."

She gently pushed him back against the cushions of the couch and pressed her body firmly on top of his. She pulled away again, "We will get him Castle."

As she kissed her way down his neck, a strangled cry could be heard, "My baby girl…"

She cut him off, "Is going to be absolutely fine, Rick."

It was important to keep saying his name and keep him grounded, "I know, I know."

The buttons on her blouse were roughly ripped open and he feasted on her delicious vanilla scented skin. He couldn't help himself and she was more than happy to allow his indulgence. Her bra soon followed her shirt and his on the ever growing pile of clothes, and she found her mouth snaking down his chest and abdomen. She paused at his belly button and softly smiled, "Guilt can destroy, Rick. It can..."

She paused as her tongue swirled around his belly button and then her tongue darted its way back up to his chest towards his nipples, "Form a barrier. A wall that keeps people out and stays you inside."

At that moment, he needed to take control. He took her face in his hands and kissed her harder than he ever had, "I know. It kept us apart for too long. I know I have to let this go, Kate. Like you did."

She began to tongue his neck as his hands found purchase on her back, "It's not enough to say it, Rick. You have to mean it. And you have deal with it."

He growled as his hands found their mark on her chest and his lips skirted her jaw and nose, "I don't know how, Kate. How do I deal?"

She moaned loudly unable to keep the desire from her plea, "It's….it's easy Rick."

She grounded herself against him and swayed into his hands. She whispered her next words directly into his ear, "Let yourself feel. Let yourself revel in the love we share. Let it flow through and then out of you. Let it…die…in the knowledge that I am here and no one blames you. Let go with the understanding that we need you and we are here for you in kind."

He pulled back and looked directly into her eyes, "This feels…so right…and so wrong at the same time."

She smiled knowing that she had reached beyond the veil, "In the morning, we will go see her and you guys will laugh and cry together. But you need to be her father Rick and you cannot do that if you allow this guilt to warp you into someone who only looks like you when you look in the mirror."

As her words drifted through him and his hands played with the smooth and soft skin of her back and chest, he could almost feel the guilt leaving his body. He wrapped her in his arms and shifted them so that they were lying half on the pile of clothes and half on the couch. It should have been uncomfortable, though neither felt anything but the desire that permeated her apartment.

That night, they would make love in her apartment for the first time, but it wasn't the first time that sex had such an important impact on them. They would take a moment. Just one moment as theirs before they struck back. They faced an unrelenting enemy whose power threatened to tear down all they created, but they were powerful enough to have this moment to themselves. The love they shared that night allowed Castle to reach for a place where the guilt wasn't the most powerful force inside his head. Her voice and belief in him rang louder than any emotion could ever hope. And though it wasn't a cure, it was the beginning of his road back from the obsession, from the guilt that created it, and from a path he never sought in the first place.

**May 1st, 2012-New York City**

**Mason Harrison's Residence**

**4:23 A.M.**

Mason Harrison was rudely awoken by a phone call, "This had better be important or I'll have your ass!"

"Sir, the mission failed."

"Do they have him?"

"Yes sir."

"Fuck. Will he talk?"

"He is Delta. You know he won't."

Mason rubbed his face in frustration, "Alright, tell Mike to meet me in my office at 9:30."

"Yes sir."

"I'd like you there too, Jordan."

"I'll be there as always."

"Good. Now get some sleep and don't bother me again."

"Of course, good night sir."

He hung up the phone and nearly threw it against the wall. His patience was wearing thin and he was tired of having to deal with Kate Beckett. _You shouldn't have killed her mom_, the voice inside him rang.

No, I should have killed her!

**A/N: Just so you know, the next chapter is all about healing. They need a break and so do I. I hate putting Caste in a place where his humor and humanity can't show through, but hopefully the next chapter will bring them back. **

**I debated with myself for a while on Alexis' reaction to being shot, even though it wasn't too bad. She is so mature sometimes, but she has never faced this before and she is still a teenager. I did my best to make sure it was in character. I hope I succeeded. **

**As always, thank you all for the kind reviews and alerts. They are amazing and I appreciate them more than you know!**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Alright, I admit it. I am Andrew Marlowe! Or am I?

A/N: Stick around folks, it get's quite bumpy after this!

**Healing**

**May 1st, 2012-New York City**

**Beati Pacifici Inc.**

**9:27 A.M**

Mason Harrison stood in his office with his personal secretary Jordan Cambell, "Sir, I think we should wait."

"This should be good, Jordan."

"Have you seen the news this morning? The attempt was all over the television last night. It doesn't help that Richard Castle is a famous writer."

"We sent Ben after Beckett at Roy's funeral, do you think I fear the press?"

"That was different, Sir. She hasn't written 20 best-selling novels."

Mike Tucker chose that moment to walk into the office, "I agree with Jordan."

"Mike? Really?"

"Is that any way to say hello, old friend?"

"Good morning, Mike."

"There you go. See, was that so hard?"

"Harder than you think."

"Hello, Jordan."

"Good morning, Sir."

"No, no you call that idiot Sir. My name is Mike."

They all smiled as they stood around Mason's desk, "Mike, then."

"Jordan is right, Mason. Don't be stupid. The wolves are circling, just angling for a story and you are a high powered CEO for a corporation that made 1.6 billion dollars last quarter."

"They know…"

"They don't know a damn thing. All the files were destroyed when John died. They have nothing and they won't. It was stupid to attack the author, don't make it worse by throwing chum to the sharks. We live in a world where making money means you are evil, right or wrong."

"So back off and control the narrative?"

"Consider it a strategic retreat."

"Alright…we give them a respite but I want our sources in the NYPD working overtime. Jordan, stay on top of it and if they get a whiff?"

"You will be the first to know, Sir."

"Good."

**May 1st, 2012-New York City**

**Good Samaritan Trauma Center**

**7:57 A.M**

Castle poked his head into Alexis' room, "Pumpkin, are you awake?"

"Yeah dad, that's what having my eyes open means."

Castle forced a smile while standing at the door, "Good to see you can still make fun of me."

Alexis saw the façade, "Oh dad, you don't think I could ever stop doing that do you?"

"Hey, I do provide quite the target."

They paused at his poor choice of words, "Get in here, father."

Slowly, Castle entered the room and sat down next to his daughter's bed. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, "Good morning, how was your night?"

Alexis waved Kate into the room, "It was alright. Detective Beckett, the more the merrier."

Kate stood at the door prepared to give father and daughter a moment, and she was shocked when Alexis beckoned to her. "Hey Alexis, how are you feeling."

"Actually, pretty good. I thought I would be flush or my chest would hurt but they don't. This bee-sting on my shoulder doesn't even hurt. I really want to go home, dad."

"And so you will. I'll have the loft ready by the time you get home, sweetheart."

Alexis and Kate nearly said it at the same time, "How's that?" 

"I have a guy. He owns a cleaning company that is going to come in and clean the entire place, replace broken glass, and…"

When her father paused, Alexis knew why, "It's alright, dad. You can say it. I did sort of make a mess on the carpet upstairs."

Castle visibly swallowed and choked up just a little. Kate stepped in, "So…Alexis…did you sleep through the night? When did you wake up?"

"Not more than 5 minutes ago. It's alright guys, I understand why you had to leave."

Castle allowed his guilt to surface slightly, "I should have stayed."

"Dad…you wouldn't have been any good here driving the nurses crazy. That's all I need are more people coming after me."

"Well, were going to work on that, pumpkin."

"Hey dad, not to cut this short because I know you will be in here all day, but can I speak with Detective Beckett for a second?"

"Um…well, sure if that's fine with Kate?"

"Uh, yeah of course."

"Alright, I'll be right outside the door. If you need anything…"

"Dad, go get yourself and Detective Beckett a cup of coffee. We won't be long, I promise. Then you can cry with me while I think of how much therapy I am going to need."

Castle almost smiled, "Sure thing, sweetheart."

Castle leaned down and kissed his daughter on her cheek. It spoke of his reverence, his love, and his grief. Alexis knew her father and she knew that he blamed himself for everything, though he did seem to carry less weight than she witnessed yesterday. Kate must have done that.

That was something Alexis had planned to spend the day correcting, this wasn't his fault and she loved him unconditionally. Before she left this hospital, Alexis had made a promise to herself that he would understand that, "And dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you so much."

Castle's face lit up in the smile he deserved, "I love you too, Pumpkin."

_A few moments later…_

"Alexis…"

"I saw what you did last night, Detective."

"What I did?"

"You kept my dad from jumping into the gunfire and then you ran through them to get to me."

Kate decided to take the chair beside Alexis' bed, "You really don't like small talk do you?"

"I'm not like my dad in that respect. Or you for that matter. I like to get right to the point. Saves time."

Kate smiled, "Point taken."

Alexis understood that the jokes she made were products of a defense she had constructed as she fought to find solid ground. In her mind, she had reacted terribly to the shooting, and if she were being honest, she was ashamed that she allowed the situation to overpower her. During the night, Alexis made a decision. She would try to correct her mistake. She would force the empathy and love she felt to overwhelm the fear and shame. She failed last night. She would not fail again.

"If there were ever masters of delayed gratification…"

"Alexis!"

"What? Just pointing out facts, Detective."

"Lanie would be ever so proud."

"I bet."

"Listen Alexis…"

"Thank you."

"Thank you?"

"Thank you for saving me. Thank you for saving my dad. Thank you for…for…everything."

"I was actually thinking I should apologize to you."

"You put your body between me and the bullets. You saved my dad. I'd say we are more than even."

"I'll take it."

"Good. Now it's my turn to apologize."

"For?"

"Reacting the way I did…"

Kate reached for and took Alexis' hand, "Alexis, don't. Alright? We all react to situations like that in different ways."

"Yeah but you were so calm and level-headed."

"On the outside, maybe. I was just as scared as you, trust me."

"You didn't show it."

"I have years of training that created that mask. You know, the first time I drew my gun my hands shook for hours after it was over."

"Still, you know you would like to think that when you are in a situation like that you could react like the hero you've always wanted to be."

"I think being a hero means living Alexis. I really do. My one great failure…"

She looked at Alexis to make sure she caught the meaning, "Is that I have allowed myself to become defined by the tragedies in my life. Don't make my mistakes."

Alexis couldn't help but smile, "Ill work on that Detective."

"Please, call me Kate. I thought we went over this at dinner?"

"We did, still feels weird though."

"Well, when you are ready."

"Oh, there is one other thing I need to tell you."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Hurt him, I'll hurt you."

Kate smirked, "Simple as that?"

"Simple as that."

"I think I got off easy!"

"Don't let the red hair and the girlish screams fool you, Kate. I can be ferocious."

"Oh please, your dad's girlish screams are so much more girly. But I don't doubt it for a second, Alexis."

"Thank you again, Kate."

Where it came from Kate would never be able to say but it just seemed appropriate to lean over and kiss Alexis on the forehead, "Anytime, Alexis. Now, let's get your dad back in here."

"Ten bucks says he is leaning against the wall outside."

"Twenty says he has his ear to the door." Just then, Kate pushed on the door lightly and heard the girlish scream she wanted to hear.

Kate winked at Alexis, "I win!"

**May 1st, 2012-New York City**

**Good Samaritan Trauma Center**

**7:57 A.M**

Lanie was seated next to Javier Esposito's hospital bed, "Javi? Are you up?"

"Give me a minute. Maybe rub my…"

"Javier Esposito!"

"Wow that hurts. Don't yell chica, my head is still pounding."

"Well, it should be. You and that damn hard head. Making jokes, I oughta smack you."

"That's kind of what I was joking about." When she didn't meet his smile, Javi sighed, "What am I supposed to do?"

"Maybe…for once…take this seriously?"

Javier took Lanie's hand, "I am taking this seriously, Lanie. I promise."

"That's all I ask." Lanie paused for just a second, "So how are you feeling Javi?"

"Well, better now that you are here." Lanie's look said all it needed, "My head still hurts a little but my ribs are…painful. Every damn breath…"

"I know Javi but it will get better. We can keep the icepacks on you and get you the really good pain medication."

"I need to help with the investigation Lanie, I can't be high all the time."

"They can deal for a few days without you. And you can lay there and listen to me or I will make you."

Javier laughed, "Oh God, don't make me laugh."

"It wasn't even a joke!"

"No but it's always funny when you boss me around."

"Javi…"

"Alright, alright. Ice packs and pain meds. Got it, Chica."

"You know what else this means Javi?"

"What's that?"

"It means you don't have to help me plan the wedding for a while."

"Please, that's more for you than me."

"Well…sure…"

"Lanie, the word bridezilla has been uttered more than once."

Lanie nearly blanched, "Who said that? If it was Kate, she is so dead!"

Esposito laughed loudly, "I will not be party to murder."

"Yeah, you would never catch me though."

"I thought I already did catch you?"

"Well, yeah."

"So when can I get out of here so we can play doctor?"

"You're just lucky you have a hard head. There will be no playing doctor for a little while. Your ribs would yell at you."

"You know you can't keep your hands off me."

"Damn straight. But first, we need to talk."

"About?"

"Why you wouldn't talk to me on the phone last night."

"Lanie…"

"Don't you lie to me Javier Esposito."

"I wasn't going to lie to you. I just…" Esposito sighed.

"Javi, you don't need to protect me. I'm a big girl and you aren't invincible."

"Figures you would already understand."

"Javi, I know you. I'm going to marry you. Of course I understand."

"You know I respect you."

"Do you?"

"Of course I do!" Esposito winced from yelling.

Lanie squeezed his hand and whispered, "See, that's what you get for yelling at your fiancé."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you, but I do respect you."

"Then why don't you trust me enough not to ruin dinners or not freak out when you get hurt?"

"Lanie…"

"No, I understand. I do. In spite of that, I'm still going to say those words to you September 24th, but you have to trust me baby. If we are going to do this together, then we have to do this together. You don't get to hide behind that machismo that you think oozes out of you, especially when the only thing oozing out of you is your own blood."

"I was just worried about you."

"I know. But sometimes I get to worry about you."

"I can live with that."

"Good. Because I would kill you if you couldn't!"

**May 1st, 2012-New York City**

**Good Samaritan Trauma Center**

**9:42 A.M**

Lanie made her way into the waiting room for a moment and saw Kate sitting in a chair in the corner, "Hey girl, fancy meeting you here."

"Hey, Lanie. How's Javi?"

"Stupid. Being a man."

Kate leaned back in her chair and smiled, "So…he is just fine?"

Lanie smiled and sat down next to Kate with her matching cup, "Yeah. He is going to be in pain for a few days but he will be just fine."

"How are you Lanie?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't think I didn't see that massive bruise on your wrist. I know you are trying to hide it, which only means that it seriously hurts."

"I just…how…how did you know?" 

"I know you and Castle was preoccupied."

"Can't blame him."

"Can't blame yourself either."

"Figures you would already understand."

Lanie looked at Kate with the shock apparent on her face, "Did you and Javi practice that?"

"Again, huh?"

"He just said the exact same thing."

"Oh God, we really have to work on our banter Lane."

"You can say that again."

She thought about it for just a second, "We really have to work on our banter Lane."

Lanie turned and smirked at Kate, "You have been spending far too much time with writer-boy."

"Yes, yes I have."

"You know, I love that he puts that smile on your face. It's good to see you smile like that."

"He makes me happy Lane."

"And that's all I will ever ask. Do I have to go through the whole kill him/hide the body trope if he hurts you?"

"No, I think Espo and Ryan have that covered."

"So, about your wrist."

"Oh, I just sprained it when I tackled Rick to the ground at the loft. I am fine Lanie."

Lanie grabbed her wrist and saw the wince Kate couldn't hide, "Uh huh. I can tell. We need to get you looked at Kate."

"Maybe later."

"Later better not mean never. Here let me see…"

"Lanie…just…"

"Shut-up Kate and give me your arm."

Kate relented almost immediately, "Fine."

Kate thrust her left arm towards Lanie who began to look at Kate's bruised wrist, "Well, I don't think it's broken so that's something. Ice it down for me please."

"Thanks Lanie."

"No problem, girlfriend. So how did it happen?"

"I told you, I sprained it…"

"Not that Ms. Passive Aggressive, you and Castle."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere."

For a moment, Kate debated telling her friend, the scientist, about how their relationship had begun, but instead of hiding like she normally might, she determined to make the effort. She wasn't going to be good at this right away, her wrist was evidence of that, but she could be better. She wanted to be better.

Thus, Kate told Lanie everything. How she had that visit from her mom, how they had kept secrets from each other, how she had determined to put her mother's case away only to have it crash down around her, how they had visited her mom in the cemetery and how they were sleeping together, and when she was finished, she felt a weight lifted. Huh, that wasn't as hard as she thought it would be.

"Wow, so you have had quite a few days."

"No kidding."

"So do you think it was really your mom that visited you?"

Kate turned to Lanie and sighed, "I have no idea. I…I want to believe. Is that the same thing?"

"I think it is if you want it to be."

"I can handle that."

"So I assume you and Alexis have made up?"

"Yeah, I was going to apologize to her but she let me off the hook. It was amazing Lanie, sometimes it seems like she is where I want to be. And she's only a teenager!"

"Give her a few more years with Castle. That should sufficiently traumatize her."

Kate laughed, "I hope not."

"This is a new side to you that I really like."

"It's not really a new side Lanie, it's just…I don't want to be stunted or broken anymore. I've been working so hard on everything, on the PTSD, on my therapy, on being a better person, and it's become clear that this is what I have to do. I am going to face this down, just like I am going to face down Mason Harrison."

Lanie was near tears and reached out to take Kate's hand, "I've wanted that for you since the moment we met. I am so proud of you baby."

Kate looked her best friend and saw the pride, "Lanie…don't make me cry."

"Shut-up Kate. There is nothing wrong with crying."

"I think I am starting to realize that."

Lanie sniffled, "Our little girl is growing up!"

Kate couldn't hide her snicker but she tried to force it behind a sneer, "If only you would start."

"Speaking of growing up, I've been meaning to talk to you."

Kate knew what this was and had been expecting it, "About?"

"I uh…you…"

Kate picked her feet off the ground and held them to her chest, "What are you doing Kate?"

"I thought maybe hell was about to freeze over and I didn't want my feet to get cold."

"Funny. Ha, ha. Do you want me to continue or not?"

Kate laughed once more, "Oh, please do."

"When this is over I'm gonna smack you too."

"You would never do it. You love me too much."

"Love is a strange thing, Katie-bug."

Kate nearly scowled at Lanie, "I told you never to call me that again!"

"Uh huh, keep making your jokes. I know your secrets and the embarrassing ones are the best."

"You wouldn't!"

"Try me!"

"Payback would be a bitch. Kinda like you actually!"

"Cursing Kate? Really? Don't you think that's a little beneath us? Besides, if anyone is the bitch, it's you."

Kate stuck out her tongue at Lanie, "I'm rubber and your glue."

Lanie smirked at her, "Do you want me to ask you this or not?"

"Of course I do, Lanie."

"Can we go get a drink tonight?"

That was certainly not what she thought Lanie would ask, "Uh…I mean…"

Lanie busted out laughing, "God, you are so easy."

"Don't tell Castle…"

Their combined laughter filled the waiting room, and when they were finished Lanie finally asked her real question, "Would you be my Maid of Honor?"

Kate paused and smiled, "On one condition."

"Really? There are conditions?"

"Forgive me. Forgive me for this summer?"

Lanie took Kate's face in her hand, "You were forgiven a long time ago."

Then Kate did something she had hardly ever done, she pulled her friend into a giant hug, "I would be honored to be your Maid of Honor."

They pulled apart and had to fight back more tears, "It's a good thing you didn't say anything about making yourself cry."

**May 1st, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**9:12 P.M**

Javier and Alexis had both been released from the hospital around 4 that day, and as promised, the entire gang returned to a loft returned to nearly pristine condition. All traces of the terror that invaded this place the night before were gone. The cleaning crew had done an outstanding job in repairing the windows that had been shattered and replacing some of the heirlooms that had been destroyed. There was no trace of blood on the second floor, either. The metaphor was powerful.

Kate couldn't imagine how much this kind of service had cost, probably a month's salary, but it didn't phase her one bit. Who cared if he had more money than she had ever seen or even if people thought she was only with him for it? The most important people in their lives knew the truth. She knew the truth. Besides, his money was just an excuse for her to run from this. From what they were building. She was not about to do that ever again.

Jim Beckett and Jenny Ryan had joined the group at dinner, and to everyone's astonishment, Captain Gates accepted Castle's offer to join them that night. The dinner that night showed just how this family was going to heal and come together in joint cause. They laughed, they cried, and they reveled in each other. It was sorely needed and didn't disappoint. Around 7:30 that night, Captain Gates excused herself to be with her family, and without hesitation, Castle rose from his seat and gave the Captain a hug. Those expecting fireworks were disappointed as "Iron Gates" simply smiled. It was a moment that spoke to just how far they had come in the last few days. That smile was a plea for forgiveness and an acceptance a year in the making. Soon after, Martha and Alexis retired to their respective rooms and Jim excused himself for the night, leaving Kate, Lanie, Castle, Javier, Ryan and Jenny.

Esposito spoke up while looking at the murder board that had miraculously not been hit, "Hey Beckett, why don't we have these electronic murder boards in the department yet?"

"Would you rather be paid or have cool equipment, Espo?"

Esposito smiled, "Isn't there anyway I could have both?"

He sat down very gingerly in his seat next to Lanie at the table and marveled at the picture before him. The pain pill he took less than five minutes before would kick in soon, but before he was forced to leave his family, he wanted to soak them in as much as he could. They were all paired off: Ryan and Jenny, Lanie and Esposito, and Kate and Rick. That last one was still taking some getting used to, but he couldn't remember a time, even under these circumstances, when he saw her happier. They sat next to each other holding hands and smiling randomly and each other. It was amazing.

Ryan jumped in, "I still think we should have more photo-shoots at the office."

"What, so you can ogle some model? I think not Kevin Ryan!"

Esposito tried to hold back his laugh because it still hurt, "Dude, you are so whipped."

Jenny exclaimed, "Damn right!"

Both Castle and Kate laughed at Jenny's exuberance, "If anyone would know what it is like to be whipped, it is certainly you Esposito."

Kate turned to Castle, "And you aren't whipped?"

"I hope you are talking about bondage, Kate."

"In your dreams, Rick."

"Hey, I seem to recall a certain case…"

"Yeah and I still have the ball-gag. Careful writer boy."

Lanie just shook her head, "There they go again, off in their own world."

Castle and Kate mutually paused their conversation, "Hey, we don't do that!"

Everyone at the table exploded in laughter as they both said the same thing at the same time. Kate turned a lovely shade of red and Castle just smirked while looking at her.

Lanie turned to Kevin when the laughter had subsided, "They are one thing. You've just been whipped longer, Kevin. We understand. You've done an amazing job Jenny!"

Jenny could not contain her glee, "Oh thank you! You have too!"

Javier cut in, "Hey, I think we need a new subject to talk about."

"Aww poor babies."

Ryan wondered, "Well, should we work the case?"

Kate immediately made clear what she had been thinking all night, "Not tonight. Gates already interrogated the suspect, and as expected, he didn't talk. We need a plan but not tonight. Let's just enjoy."

The room sat in stunned silence, "What? I can be off-duty!"

"We know you can, sweetie. It's just not expected."

Esposito couldn't help himself, "Yeah, I half expected to see a pig flying by the window."

"Hey, do you want to work traffic Espo?"

"Gates wouldn't let you do that, Kate."

"Maybe not but I can make you do all the canvassing by yourself for the next few cases!"

"You are a benevolent boss who I am proud to work for."

"Uh huh, nice try, Espo."

"Wasn't really joking actually."

Javier and Kate shared a look and both smiled at the implication. This family would be fine. At least for tonight. Her brothers, her sisters and her boyfriend would heal together.

That's when something occurred to Kate. Fourteen years ago, she had lost half of her family. Since then, she had gained the one sitting at the table in Richard Castle's loft, the one upstairs in their bedrooms, and even the one who had left to see her family that night. They were truly a family of brothers and sisters, of lovers and friends, and their value was limitless. She had always believed that these people were indispensible, that Ryan and Esposito were brothers whom she could never lose, that Lanie was a sister that would never judge her, and that Castle was simply someone she could not live without. Yet sitting there in the dark ambiance of the softly lit room, Kate realized that if her mother had not been murdered then she would never know the comfort and the strength of the people she loved in this room. For as much as she had lost over the years, she had gained so much as well.

Well damn.

Castle leaned over and whispered in her ear, "You alright?"

She didn't realize that she had drifted off into her own world until Castle spoke, but when she registered the quiet that enveloped the room, she felt the overwhelming need to tell them just what they meant to her.

Kate looked at the members of her family, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just…I'm just beginning to realize how lucky I am to have you all in my life."

For the first time in 14 years, Kate beamed at the people she shared this table with because she was with family. Conversation continued into the night, they played poker together, they laughed, they shared, but most importantly, they took comfort and pleasure in each other.

**A/N: Alright, so that one was a little conversation heavy to, but after the last few days, I'm glad the story allowed it. I love writing dialogue between the guys, I really do, but I also want it to be meaningful. I hope that came through.**

**Don't worry, the case itself picks up again next chapter. A plan is formed and the gang is tested once again. For now, they get a night. Hope you enjoy, and as always, thank you for the kind reviews. I love them! Please feel free to constructively criticize anything or just tell me I suck. **

**Well, maybe stay away from that last part! Thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own them. You all know that.

A/N: Well crap, this one wasn't so much to write. There were parts that were quite enjoyable, but you will see the parts that aren't.

By the way, make sure you pay attention to the dates in the next few chapters. They are truly important! Enjoy!

**Turning the Tide**

**May 2nd, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**8:34 A.M**

In New York City, May isn't necessarily the end of spring and the beginning of summer. The chill still in the air from a spring desperate to maintain its grasp permeated the loft and made the citizens of New York curse the ineffectiveness of global warming. Mothers and fathers bundled up their kids in that early morning frenzied ritual, bankers pulled up their collars to keep out the wind, and officers of the NYPD reveled in the lull of crime this weather always seemed to bring.

In the early morning hours of a New York City Wednesday, the sun bathed the landscape with a calming early morning dew that provided an almost ghostly backdrop. Among the peace and tranquility of an early morning slept three detectives, a medical examiner, a teacher, an actress, a writer and a daughter. Yet, they were so much more than the labels they carried with them, whether they held a badge or not, they were a family that sought justice. A family that faced an arduous trek through the valley of death, and though they feared no evil, the specter of loss and a powerful enemy who seemed determined to bring the war home would force them to a place they never knew. To a place where the sun rarely shined.

"Baby, are you awake?"

"Yeah, you?" 

"Nope, I'm asleep."

"I've always found it amazing how you can do so many things at once."

"I teach children, multi-tasking is my specialty."

Ryan and Jenny lay in the bed formed from Castle's pull-out couch, and breathed in the atmosphere of family. After deciding to stay at the loft, the gang divided the three available beds amongst the couples. Javier and Lanie slept in Castle's bed because of his injuries, Rick and Kate took the pull-out bed in the study, and Jenny and Ryan took the pull-out bed in the living room.

With his arms firmly entrenched around his wife, Ryan could find no better place in the world to wake up, "You do an amazing job, those kids are lucky."

"You do an amazing job too."

"I try my best."

"I feel so useless sometimes when it comes to your job. I wish I could help you but I would have no idea where to begin."

"I don't. I know you could and I know you would be amazing, but you need to keep that innocence that I love so much."

"How dangerous is this case going to be Kevin?"

He never lied to his wife, though sometimes he wished he could, "Dangerous. I believe in what we are doing but I don't want you involved Jen."

"You don't tell me everything do you?"

Kevin sighed, "No I don't. It's not because I don't trust you sweetie, it's because I have to leave it at the 12th or it will weigh me down. I need to be whole and I can't be that way unless I leave the job in that building."

Jenny sighed, "Why can't you just be a teacher or a banker?"

Kevin smiled and kissed his wife on the cheek, "You know you are the one with patience in this relationship."

Jenny smiled too, "I must be to put up with you!"

_Two hours later, give or take a few cups of coffee…._

Captain Gates stepped up to the updated murder board, "I interrogated our suspect this morning, but as expected, he said absolutely nothing. He didn't even request a lawyer."

Esposito spoke from past experience, "I'm not surprised. He is former Delta. We could torture him for days and he might give us his name."

"Speaking of names, I ran that photo by a friend of mine at DOD…"

This worried Beckett instantly, "Do you trust him?"

"With my life, Detective. Mr. Castle isn't the only one with 'guys'."

Ryan's skepticism was palpable, "Please tell me he gave us something useful."

"Well, I don't know how useful this is but we now have names for the 'other' two men in the picture from the package. The problem is that they, just like Mr. Smith, are aliases that have almost no history. Their credit is perfect, they have no credit cards and their identities are almost brand new. Both go back only 5 years, so we aren't getting anything beyond that."

"What are their names?"

"The one we have in custody is named Ben Jenkins and the other one is named Michael Tucker, and they are both former delta members discharged in 1988."

Esposito chimed in, "Why can't we get into those files from the DOD?"

Kate answered for Captain Gates, "They are classified top-secret because of the cover-up that prompted the discharge, as are the court marshal proceedings, so unless we want to call in the FBI and turn over the case to them, we won't see those files."

Ryan wondered, "Have we re-thought that strategy?"

Gates had to wonder, "Turning over the case to the FBI?"

"Yeah, why can't we bring them in again?"

"Castle said it himself bro, evidence in this case has a way of disappearing and we don't know who exactly they have on the payroll."

Kate looked at Esposito, "Which means we can't just cut off the head of the snake, we need to attack the body first or we risk the validity of our case. Once we take away some of Harrison's advantage, once we take away his ability to manipulate the case we have against him, we can take him out and make sure that our case sticks."

Gates smiled proudly, "I agree. If we take him down too early, his money and his reach will be used to destroy the case. Take that from him and he will face justice."

"That also means that we have to break Ben Jenkins. He is the closest thing we have to updated intelligence, which means that if we can break him, he can give us up-to-date intelligence and we can use that to take out the informants Harrison has in the NYPD."

Castle spoke for the first time, "Once we do that, we play our hand though. If we take out his informants, he will know that we know much more than he thought, and how are we supposed to break a former member of Delta who I am pretty sure isn't afraid of anything?"

Esposito agreed with Castle, "Yeah, I don't think we are going to break him easily. We can't just threaten to let him go because we messed up Miranda. He will simply walk out of the precinct and we may never see him again."

Kate knowingly smiled, "Maybe. I would bet that he is afraid of someone though."

Ryan wondered, "Who?"

"Mason Harrison. We won't be able to break him on our own, we simply don't have the time or the resources to get much done but I would bet Mason Harrison does."

Castle caught on quickly, "A ruse?"

"Yep."

"Got something in mind?"

"Yep. He's still in holding right?"

Gates responded, "Yeah, solitary. I have guards on him every second of every day."

Kate just smiled at the group and Esposito looked between his two superiors, "Alright, mysterious. I like it."

Kate chimed in once more, "In the meantime, I've been thinking about ways to buy us some time and I think I have something."

From her perch on the stools in Castle's kitchen, Lanie wondered, "What's that?"

"Hey Castle, don't you think it's time we introduced ourselves to the world?"

"Why Detective Beckett, I thought you would never ask!"

Lanie was stunned, "You wanna go to the press?"

"They are powerful people, and once this case breaks, they will try to control the story in the press, not only to influence a potential jury pool but to call our integrity into question. By going first, we can control the information out there when it first begins and allow the press to act as a shield. It won't buy us forever but it might buy us enough time to put this case together."

Gates skepticism met Ryan's, "All of this depends on our ability to break Ben Jenkins, and even assuming that we do, we will be forced to take down the informants in the NYPD quickly. Whatever kind of operation you are planning Detective will get back to Mason, and we know what happens to loose ends in this case. If we don't hurry, they might all be dead."

"Let's worry about breaking him first. Once that happens, then we can put together an operation to take his operatives down."

Castle had been thinking of this for a while, "I think I know something else we are going to need. The Mayor and an ADA we can trust. If you want to get information from Ben Jenkins, we are going to have to offer him something."

Esposito looked puzzled, "Why the Mayor?"

Castle point to both himself and Kate, "We both trust him. We cleared him of murder and he goes on and on about how he owes us one. Plus, he is a politician. He'll know that if he can get on the other side of this, his re-election will be assured."

Gates spoke next, "Leave the ADA to me. I know someone that can help with that."

Lanie had to ask her next question, "What exactly do you want to say to the press? You can't just come out and say that Mason Harrison in under investigation for corruption and murder. We would all be inundated with press requests, and it might even prompt the FBI to try and take over the case."

"Well, we would need to be purposefully vague during the precinct press conference, but when it comes to us, I can just be honest to the Cosmo reporter who contacts me nearly every week asking for an interview. Fortunately for us, we have a writer who can write purposefully vague if he wants."

"You want me to write a story?"

Kate smiled at Rick, "It is one of the many things you are good at, Castle."

Ryan couldn't believe the scene before him, "I don't even want to know do I?"

Lanie was shocked, "Hell, I do!"

Kate turned a nice shade of red at that, "Anyways…"

Gates brought down the levity, "Yes, let's focus on the case please. I don't want to hear about the bed-room exploits of my lead detective and our intrepid mystery novelist."

Castle took a chance, "Not even a little?"

Gates smiled, "Not even a little."

Castle shook his head and then nodded, "Yeah, that's fair."

Esposito clapped his hands together and then winced, "Alright…so first, we break Ben Jenkins."

**May 2nd, 2012-New York City**

**12th Precinct Holding Cells**

**3:38 P.M**

The precinct stood in stunned disbelief as Kate Beckett took her Captain to school. According to the DA, the man they knew as Ben Jenkins had to be released for lack of evidence, and for Kate, she couldn't believe that her Captain would willingly oblige. Things had reached critical mass, and in an effort to mitigate the explosion, Captain Gates pulled Kate down to the holding cells at the 12th.

"In here, Detective!"

"Sir, you know this is bullshit!"

"We don't have enough to hold him and I don't appreciate being yelled at in my own department!"

Kate was wild with fury, her hands gestured wildly and her anger was palpable, "I'm sorry Sir but you know that if we let him go, he will be in the wind moments after he walks out that door!"

"You don't think I know that? You don't think I know that our best lead is basically going to be let go? We are losing this battle Detective and I can think of no one to blame but you. You are letting this case overwhelm your ability to do your job! Give me one good reason not to bench you!"

"This is my case, Sir. My mother's murder! I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you know this is just bullshit!"

Captain Gates sighed and tried to allow the anger to escape her, "I know. I know, Detective. I don't like it anymore than you do. Process him out. That's an order."

Kate resigned herself, "Yes, Sir."

**May 2nd, 2012-New York City**

**12th Precinct Holding Cells**

**4:12 P.M**

Kate hated herself. She was being forced to release their best and only lead, "So apparently, you are free to go."

Ben Jenkins could hardly contain himself. He had heard the argument that brought him his release, and he reveled in her anger, "Nice try, Detective."

"This isn't over."

"Yes, I think it is Kate."

**May 2nd, 2012-New York City**

**12th Precinct **

**4:28 P.M**

When Ben Jenkins walked out of the 12th precinct, he was a free man. As he made his way down the street, looking for a cab, he heard the tires screech behind him and saw the white van pull up. He had little time to react. The door on the van screamed open and three men with automatic weapons pulled him into the side. They didn't say a word as a needle was plunged in his neck and Ben Jenkins saw nothing but darkness.

**May 2nd, 2012-New York City**

**Somewhere, possibly in New York**

**5:37 P.M**

"Welcome back Mr. Jenkins. It's good to see you again."

As he gained his bearings and his eyes began to cooperate, he noticed the musty smell of the basement he was in and the absolutely sterile nature of the room. It was a simple wood box with no decoration, "It's…good to…be here. I think. Who did I piss off this time?"

"Mason Harrison. You failed your mission lieutenant and were captured by the police."

Three men stood in the room, two with automatic rifles and a third man who had surgical gloves on his hands. "I didn't say a word. He knows that."

The man was simply gleeful, "Does he?"

"Of course he does!"

"Then why are we here Mr. Jenkins?"

"A mistake?"

"Mr. Harrison does not make mistakes, Mr. Jenkins. So I am going to make this easy for you. He wants to know everything you told the police. He wants to know how much they know. If you don't cooperate, I'll introduce you to my friends here."

The man in the surgical scrubs lifted a towel to reveal what could only be described as instruments of torture, "If you do, I will kill you quickly and with as little discomfort as possible. If you don't, your death will be much more painful."

"I already told you. I didn't say a word and I have no idea how much the cops know."

"Have you ever heard the name, Άγγελος του θανάτου?"

"It's Greek. For 'Angel of Death'." 

"I must say, during the Bosnian Wars of the early 90's, I earned that moniker. Oh there were so many interrogations that got…messy. I loved it. The local population came to fear me. Fear rules the world, Mr. Jenkins."

The other two men stood stoically in the room as Ben Jenkins remained tied securely to the only chair of the room, "I thought that was love?"

"Jokes will not save you from this torment, Delta. I find jokes trite and uncouth. This is not a time to joke."

"Well, we wouldn't want that now would we?

"Do you really think this is the time for any of this?"

"Actually, I couldn't think of a better time."

At that moment, a flash grenade flew through the only window in this basement, and for a moment, time stood still. Ben Jenkins pushed against the floor as hard as he could, his bound hands and feet brought him down to the ground hard as the scene devolved into chaos. The flash grenade dulled his senses and dazed him but the shots he heard from his place on the ground broke through the haze.

When it was over, Ben Jenkins saw three dead men and Detective Beckett standing in front of him. She cut him loose, checked him to make sure he was alright, and ordered the scene to be secured. He had to give it to her, she was very good.

Roy would be proud.

_20 minutes later…_

Kate walked towards the ambulance where Ben Jenkins was being treated, "Are you alright…whom ever you are?"

"Name is Ben. Ben Jenkins."

"Alright, Ben. Are you okay?"

"They drugged me I think, but other than that, you stopped the worst from happening."

"Can't say I am completely happy about that but no one deserves this."

"Can't say I blame you, either."

"Do you know who did this?"

"Yes, I do."

"And?"

"And…I seem to have forgotten his name."

"Ahh, selective memory then?"

Ben smiled at Kate, "Sure, let's go with that."

"I can't help you unless you tell me."

"You know what's funny, Detective?"

"What's that?"

"They pretty much wanted the same thing."

"Big difference is…we won't torture you. I have a few more questions that you probably won't answer, but after that, you are free to go."

"How do you know I won't answer them Detective?"

"I don't know, will you?"

"You just haven't asked the right questions."

"What questions should I be asking?"

"I think I should probably leave that to you."

"Why so cryptic, Mr. Jenkins?"

"It is entirely too much fun playing this game."

"Alright, would you be willing to help us?"

"Possibly."

"Possibly?"

"You are going to have to sweeten the pot here, don't you think?"

"Somehow, I don't think immunity from prosecution interests you."

"What good is immunity if you can't use it?"

"Good point. Placing you in witness protection seems to be a death sentence. I don't think it matters where we place you, whoever is looking for you will not stop until you are dead."

"Go on…"

"What if I hid you?"

"See Detective? I knew you could ask the right questions."

Kate was a little taken aback at the swift turn in the conversation, "Why do you trust me?"

"You just saved the life of a man you clearly cannot stand. Make no mistake, what would have gone on in there involved all sorts of pain that I care not to think about. I've heard of the Greek Doctor known as 'The Angel of Death', and trust me, it would not have been pleasant."

"So that's who took you?"

"Yep. Keep me alive for a few days and I'll help you bring down the man who wanted to do this to me."

Kate smiled and leaned against the ambulance next to Ben, "Alright Ben, let's see if we can keep you alive."

**May 2nd, 2012-New York City**

**Kate Beckett's Apartment**

**10:48 P.M**

Their ruse had been a complete success. The 'kidnappers' that Kate, Ryan and the swat team 'killed' in that basement were actually members of narcotics who had played their roles to perfection. Though Ryan trusted them, they still ran financials on all three police officers to make sure they were clean, and when they were cleared, they put the mission into effect. Even Kate and Captain Gates deserved an Emmy for their rousing rendition of a heated argument. They effectively turned Ben Jenkins into an asset by tricking him into thinking that Mason Harrison was after him. They didn't really break Ben Jenkins, they fooled him.

After nearly two hours and a signed agreement for immunity from a grateful and silent Mayor, Ben Jenkins was turning into a wonderful witness with a wealth of knowledge. He gave them everything they could ever need, and as one of Mason Harrison's top lieutenants, that information represented a vast amount of data. They knew who was on the payroll in the NYPD and beyond, they knew bank account numbers, they knew how Mason Harrison's organization worked, and the gang was beginning to get an even better idea of the scope of what they faced. Ben Jenkins was Mason Harrison's first mistake. Kate was going to make sure that he paid for it.

As they sat in the relative privacy of her own bedroom, Kate turned to Ben with one final question, "I have one more question for you, Mr. Jenkins."

Ben looked up from his perch at her desk, "What's that?"

Kate finally had Ben alone and asked the question she had been wanting to ask all night, she paused for just a moment and then locked eyes with him, "Are you the one who shot me?"

Ben stared back and did not blink. His reply was short and to the point, "Yes."

Kate was both shocked at his honesty and enraged by his casual answer, "I just might want to kill you myself."

"You wouldn't do it. You don't have the heart to kill an innocent man."

Kate snarled, "You don't know me."

"I know what you fight for. I used to fight for the same thing. I thought our cause was just, but sometimes, how you accomplish your goal is just as important as the accomplishment itself."

They had all the information that they needed but even if they didn't, she wasn't sure she could hold this back, "You should know that we set up the kidnapping."

"I know. One of the 'kidnappers' you supposedly 'killed' walked in the door about an hour ago."

Kate was shocked, "Then why are you still doing this?"

"Even if that wasn't Mason Harrison who snatched me, he would have tried the same thing. Eventually."

"I'm not sure I am comfortable being compared to Mason Harrison."

"If the shoe fits…"

Kate surged forward and pointed to herself, "Then I would wear it! But don't think for a moment that you know me. Don't think for a moment that I am anything like him!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"I'm certain."

"What would you do to end this? You've already kidnapped a free man, threatened to torture him for information, and then played on his fear."

"That's different."

"How so?"

"You were never in any real danger. And technically, we hadn't released you. You were still in custody when we took you."

"Technicalities, Detective. Technicalities."

"Don't give me that bullshit! He is a corrupt, evil bastard. He ordered hits on at least 29 people and he nearly killed…"

"You?"

Kate sighed heavily and fought to control her emotions, "Yeah."

"Be careful, Detective. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. That isn't a cliché without meaning either. Make sure this is justice."

Kate's almost resigned answer rang out through the apartment, "What would you know about justice?"

"I used to fight for it. I used to travel the world and help those who couldn't help themselves. I know what justice looks like and I know revenge when I see it. Don't let yourself fall prey to its waiting arms."

Kate seemed to be dumbfounded by the contradiction which sat before her, "Why do you even care?"

"Because if I wanted you dead, you would be dead. Delta snipers don't miss a kill shot, and I know just how bad the ACR 6.8mm gun I used was for the mission."

Kate was beside herself, "Why?"

"To protect you. I remember Roy speaking so highly of you, of how much he loved you, and I just couldn't do it. If I hadn't shot you in that cemetery, they just would have sent someone else. I bought you the time needed for another deal to be put in place and to find solid ground. Still, I didn't know whether you had it in you to take Mason down, and so, I bid my time until I was sure. Tonight. This night made me a believer."

Kate nearly smiled, "How appropriate. Do you think that makes you a hero?"

Ben Jenkins laughed and then answered Kate's question with conviction, "No, it makes me a coward."

"Well then, we finally agree on something."

"Detective, I'm tired of being his lackey. I've been searching for a path out of the woods, and you seem to be my savior. I want to fight for something in which I believe. Mason has been corrupted by money and power, the things I once rode into Baghdad to fight. I don't know if this is my chance at redemption but there is something about you that makes me want to try. That makes me believe redemption is possible."

Kate softened considerably, "You are making it very difficult to hate you, Ben."

"It's my charming personality."

"Yeah, something like that."

**May 2nd, 2012-New York City**

**Kate Beckett's Apartment**

**11:16 P.M**

Castle strode over to Beckett as she stood, alone, in her kitchen and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He whispered down into her ear, "Are you comfortable with this?"

Kate's hands found a place on top of Rick's, "I think it's a little late to ask me that, Rick."

"I know we really can't go back, Kate. I'm not asking if you want to go back, I'm asking if you can move forward."

"Rick…"

"It's my job to keep your head above water, remember?"

"I know. I know…"

"Three years ago, we sat in the precinct and you kicked me out because you were afraid that your mother's killer would cut some deal. He didn't kill your mother but he almost killed you."

"It's what we had to do, Castle. It's a necessary sacrifice. I'm not fine with it right now, but I will be."

"You don't have to be the one making all the sacrifices."

"In this case, I do. You've already made enough sacrifices. Your daughter and the loft can attest to that."

Castle leaned down and kissed Kate on her neck. It was a soft kiss meant to convey the strength and hope he held in his heart, the same emotions that he hoped would lift Kate higher with this trying case stretching her. "I love you, Kate. When this is over, when the man who ordered your mother's death is behind bars, I want you to be whole. Let me in Kate…"

Kate turned in Rick's arms looked up into blue sky, "Always."

**May 7th, 2012-New York City**

**Front Steps, 12th Precinct**

**3:25 P.M**

The press conference was moments away but the shrill ring of her phone snapped Kate from the thoughts which were threatening to overwhelm her. Kate stepped away from the group gathered behind the microphone and answered her phone, "Beckett."

"Hello, Detective Beckett."

"Who is this?"

"Your favorite CEO."

"I don't have a favorite CEO."

"Don't play coy with me, Detective. I know what your Captain and the Mayor are about to say. I just wanted to say hello, to introduce myself formally, and tell you that I think it's time we meet."

Kate shuddered at the man's voice but her resolve was much more powerful, "I'll think about it."

"You do that. Oh, one more thing."

"What's that?"

"Duck."

The moment the word rolled from his lips, the third floor of the 12th precinct exploded, raining down fire, debris and the promise of more contained in a single word.

**A/N: So there you go, I blew up the 12th and made Ben Jenkins, Kate's shooter, human. Or at least, I tried. And I even have more for you! Did you like the ruse? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….**

**What did you think?**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own them. I admit it. Ha ha…

A/N: I hope you enjoy the rest of the chapter; this was such an interesting chapter to write. Pay attention to those dates, some parts of this chapter occur in flashback. Thank you all for reading!

And once again, thank you for all the kind reviews and alerts. I hope I do you all justice!

**The Fall of Katherine Beckett**

"_The depth of darkness to which you can descend and still live is an exact measure of the height to which you can aspire to reach."-_Anonymous

If you allow them, the worst moments of your life will rise up and define you. It's something Kate Beckett knew intimately, and yet, as she tried to find meaning in something other than pain, her quest seemed quixotic as her own world crashed down around her. She was the Man of La Mancha and Castle was her Sancho Panza. As always, we don't come to these moments lightly, the moments that threaten to destroy our very nature are products of our actions and our choices.

It is the greatest human frailty that brings about heart-breaking choices. When we choose our own pride and malevolence we allow that frailty to dominate. We are the makers of our own fate, as inconsistent as that may be. Ultimately though, if we create our own fate and are masters of our own choices, then the very nature of humanity demands that we yearn for something better. An optimism born of the true nature of mankind.

Though there will always be evil in the world, what we forget sometimes is the ever present light that forces the darkness to recede. When our world explodes in a cacophony of fire and turmoil, our choice is never simple and our reaction is never beyond our control. It is a gift and a curse. It is in that responsibility that some fail, that some cannot see past their own ego, but when someone rises to meet that challenge, their story becomes worthy of song and their tale shows us the way. It is in our darkest hour that we must find our brightest light.

**May 4th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**8:47 A.M.**

Detective Jason Stone, Officer Brenda Hines, Officer Karen Dost, Councilmen Jensen Scott, Councilmen Angela Luckey, and personal assistant Terry Buchmeyer. Those were the people who were taking money from Mason Harrison and who kept him in the loop concerning politics and the actions of the NYPD. After discretely running their financials, they saw the evidence as plain as the paper in front of them. As it turns out, $50,000 a year was all it took for these people to sell their souls. Since that late Wednesday night, the gang had formulated a plan to take them all at once. Using the warrants secretly served by ADA Jason Cruz, they would divide themselves into three different teams and take each informant into custody all across the city at the same time. It was an intricate operation meant to maintain control over the situation and the informants so that they could not report back to Mason Harrison. Really though, it was meant to be seen as a bold strike against Beati Pacifici, they would strike back in a swift move that would hopefully buy them some time to continue to put together their case.

In that vein, they also decided to take them on Friday so they could take the weekend and finish putting together the press conference they would call for Monday afternoon. All of it was meant to give them the time they would need to put together this massive case, and to plan an assault on Mason Harrison himself. They would take away his foot soldiers first, both with the take-down on Friday and the assault itself, and then they would take his money by using the bank account numbers they received from Ben Jenkins. Once they did that, Mason Harrison would face the justice he deserved.

As Esposito and Ryan walked into the loft Friday morning, they were met with a very snuggly Beckett and Castle, perched on the couch, "Are we ready to go?"

Kate looked up from her spot next to Castle and smiled, both getting up and walking with their partners to the electronic murder board, "Seems like it. We have all 6 informants and their locations."

Gates was already looking at the murder board and trying not to lose her temper at the couple who joined her side, "I've made sure Detective Stone won't be called out on a body and the other two officers have been assigned to the precinct today. I must take my leave, I have approved all of your vacations, but I cannot be absent. Unlike certain writers, I actually work for a living."

Castle smiled at the dig but didn't take the bait, "The Mayor assured me that his meeting with our city-council people was a go for 10:45. Both of our targets will be there."

Ryan wondered allowed, "What about The Commissioners' assistant?"

Captain Gates turned to answer his question, "He will be in the same office he's always in, Detective Ryan."

Kate was in cop mode now, "Alright, we take them down at 11:00. Castle and I are team 1, Esposito and Ryan and team 2, and Captain Gates is team 3."

Castle's concern was evident, "Are you certain you don't want someone to back you up, Sir?"

"Terry Buchmeyer is an assistant in the Commissioners' office. Mine will be easy, Mr. Castle. Besides, I will need to explain to the Commissioner why we are arresting one of his assistants and why he didn't know in advance."

Esposito took a sip of his coffee and mumbled, "Good luck with that."

Captain Gates turned to Beckett, "Go easy in the 12th, Kate. Remember the blue shield. It is something I am well acquainted with."

"Castle and I have this. We'll use his natural charm."

"Hey, don't knock my charm, it won you didn't it?"

"Yeah, I must have been crazy."

"I get no respect."

"With banter like that, what do you expect?"

"Alright children I've already been forced to stand here while you sat together and made goo-goo eyes at each other; before I lose my breakfast, I wish you all good luck."

Esposito and Ryan shared a look that wondered, d_id she really just say goo-goo?_ Castle and Beckett looked appropriately affronted at their ever surprising captain.

Esposito turned to an almost fleeing Captain Gates, "See you at 11:30, Sir?"

"11:30, 3rd floor holding."

Castle could hardly contain his glee, "Alright, Operation Righteous Justice is in effect!"

All of the detectives looked at Castle but it was Kate who spoke, "Really, Castle?"

"Hey, that name is awesome!"

**May 5th, 2012-New York City**

**Mason Harrison's Office**

**12:52 P.M.**

"I thought I told you to keep me informed, Jordan!"

"Sir, they hid it so well, I don't know how they did it! None of the informants saw them coming!"

"They have all of them?"

"All but one of them."

"How? How did they know all of this?"

"We think Ben told them."

"He is former Delta, Jordan, he didn't talk. Which means they must have Montgomery's files and they have been using them."

"If they do, then they know everything, Sir."

Mason could not contain his anger and his rage, "You think?"

"Sir…I'm sorry…"

Mason stalked towards Jordan, his rage was palpable, and she never saw the hand that rose to strike her across the face. She was thrown back into the wall in shock, and before she knew it, Mason Harrison's fist found its mark on the right side of Jordan Cambell's face.

"You should be sorry! I could have ordered them killed days ago, and now, they have enough information to come after me!"

Jordan fell to the ground and allowed the blood from her busted lip to fall to the ground, "Sir, I'm sorry…I really tried to stay informed but they…they…until yesterday were working silently behind…behind the scenes!"

She was hysterical as the crazed man who loomed above her threw another punch that landed with sickening force across her nose, breaking it instantly. "Obviously, you didn't do a good enough job!"

"Sir, please!" She screamed as she spat the blood that accumulated in her mouth onto the floor.

Mason Harrison looked at the woman who now lay on the ground in her own blood and was disgusted. He always knew Jordan was weak but this was something entirely different. Now, she was pathetic.

"Get yourself cleaned up, Jordan. Order the hit. And don't even think of failing me again."

He said it calmly and walked back to his desk. "And make sure to get my carpet cleaned. You seem to have made a mess."

**May 7th, 2012-New York City**

**Front Steps, 12th Precinct**

**3:32 P.M.**

Kate was lost as the aftermath of the bombing was coming into sharper focus and Captain Gates recognized it immediately, "Detective Beckett, are alright?"

"…Yeah…yeah I'm good. Is everyone else alright? Castle?"

"I'm alright, Kate." Castle said as he stood just behind the captain.

"Alright, Detective Ryan and I will take a few officers into the building to look for survivors and get people out, you run things from here and call it in. I want a full tactical alert for all precincts. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Detective Ryan, let's go."

Kate turned to the six officers who looked at her expectantly, "Alright, listen up! You three, secure the scene. I want the roads closed north and south of the precinct, only emergency vehicles. Set-up road blocks on every side street as well. You three, begin to triage the wounded and help EMS when they arrive. Go!"

Kate turned to Castle who placed his hand in hers giving her the strength she needed to do her job as she pulled her walkie-talkie from her belt, "Dispatch, 1-Lincoln-40, we have a possible terror attack at the 12th precinct. We need ambulance, fire and back-up immediately. I also need a tactical alert for all precincts in New York City, and send out the call."

"Stand-bye 1-Lincoln-40." A few moments passed before dispatch came back, "All precincts have been notified 1-Lincoln-40. EMS and back-up en route. ETA, 4 minutes."

"Roger that."

"1-Lincoln-40, officers from the 15th and 20th precincts are en route as well to lend assistance. ETA, 10 minutes. Stand-bye."

"Roger that dispatch. Help is appreciated."

Rick saw it almost immediately, "Kate!" 

She turned to look at him, "Castle?"

He pointed to a place near the podium, "Over there!"

They raced over together, "Of…Officer Stegner?"

When Beckett looked down upon the prone form of Officer Stegner, her breath caught in her throat. A metal bar, maybe a foot and half in length, impaled the frightened officer's stomach, "Hey…Detective."

Tears stung her eyes as Castle reached for Stegner's other hand, "Hey. Hang on, alright. EMS is on…on…the way. Just hang on, alright?"

Stegner reached out and took Kate's hand as she kneeled down, "I…I'll try Detective."

Kate could hold back her tears no longer, "No, you will hold on. That is an order officer, do you understand me?"

Stegner smiled, "Yes…yes m'am."

Castle shouted as he heard the first of many ambulances approach, "I need a doctor here, now!"

When the paramedics reached them, Kate let go of Officer Stegner's hand and instantly felt nauseous. She fought it down as best she could but those feelings only intensified as the moments, which seemed like hours now, only served to pull her further into the abyss. All she could think was, _not now_. _My symptoms have been fairly dormant the past few months, please not now. Please. They need me. Everyone needs me. Please, please not now. _

The death and destruction before her was truly an abyss and she stared directly into it without abandon, hoping that she could hold it together long enough for the people who needed her. What she didn't understand was that she was quickly being swallowed whole.

**May 7th, 2012-New York City**

**3rd Floor, 12th Precinct**

**9:02 P.M.**

Eight police officers dead, including Officer Stegner, fourteen suspects in holding including every informant they had arrested in connection with Mason Harrison, two innocent victims in the street who had succumbed to falling debris, and nearly 100 injured, both in the precinct and on the ground. The New York Police Department had not suffered such injury since September 11, 2001…

"We missed something."

Castle looked over at Kate, "This was a targeted bombing meant to get rid of the people we arrested. How did they know where we were keeping them?"

Esposito replied tersely, "We must have missed an informant."

As they all stood in the remnants of the third floor of the 12th precinct, Kate's temper and guilt were on high alert, "You're damn right we did. All that posturing, all that planning and we couldn't find them all."

Castle looked worriedly at the woman he loved, "We got everyone on the list."

Kate looked around the burned out and charred remnants of the one place she always felt safe, and as the water dripped from the destroyed remains of the 12th, she felt the anger rise with every drop of water that fell. "We obviously didn't get them all. We fucking missed one!"

Castle tried to reach out to Kate, "Kate…"

But Kate would have none of it, "No, Castle. We screwed up. Don't humor me. Esposito, Ryan I want you to run every cop in the 12th who knew we were keeping them here, every one of them, and I want that before morning."

Kate snarled her next sentence, "Find the son-of-a-bitch who turned on us and do it now!"

Kevin was beyond shocked, "Whoa Beckett, every one of them? Are we sure that placing suspicion on good officers who aren't on the payroll is the way to go?"

Kate barely heard him, "Do it! I don't give a damn whether they are good or not."

When she was finished she failed to notice the concerned looks of her friends and lover, she spun on her heal and walked purposefully from the crime scene, and Castle, Esposito and Ryan shared a knowing look.

Castle went after her and reached for her elbow, "Where are you going."

Kate turned at his touch but forced her elbow from his grasp, "Somewhere you aren't. I have a phone call to return."

With that, her meaning was clear. Castle hoped that the Kate who walked out of that cemetery just days before would win out over the Kate who fell so hard before, and so he did not follow her. He decided to trust her. He hoped he wasn't making the biggest mistake of his life.

**May 7th, 2012-New York City**

**The Coffee Shop**

**9:47 P.M.**

When she walked in to the coffee shop on 8th and Ave. of America's, she was met with a store empty of customers or employees. Three armed men surrounded a seated and smiling Mason Harrison. The man closest to her walked forward and gave her a gesture that meant he was going to search her for weapons. Kate held out her arms and spread her legs, looking at Mason the entire time. He wasn't what she expected. He appeared to be mid-50's, graying hair, thin and fit, and he was impeccably dressed in a black suit with a dark blue Calvin Klein shirt.

When the man began to search her, he leaned down and whispered in her ear, "I've been waiting to do this for a long time."

Her demeanor remained unchanged as he searched her, while it was clear that he was enjoying himself. He took his time, slowly patting down her legs and brushing her ass with his hands, and though she was disgusted, she fought to reign in her temper. When his hand got far too close to her left breast, she'd had enough. She grabbed his hand and twisted his wrist bringing the man to his knees. Without hesitation, Kate kneed the man in the face and saw the blood spring forth from the man's obviously broken nose.

The other two men surged forward but were instantly held back by an amused Mason Harrison, "Let him be. He deserved it."

The man collapsed to the floor holding his nose, "Please, Detective. Have a seat."

Kate took her seat across from him and said nothing. She couldn't. The rage was mounting inside her like a geyser waiting to spew forth, she felt like a hurricane churning and gaining strength in the warm waters of the southern Atlantic, and she searched desperately for dry land that might absorb some of the wild energy she could not control.

"I'm glad you decided to meet me."

"Why?"

"First rule of war: know your enemy."

"Are we at war, Mason?"

"It's Mr. Harrison or Sir."

"Only if I respect you."

"Young lady we are not animals, have some respect for your elders."

"Don't patronize me, jackass."

"Pity. I thought we could be civil."

"You just blew up the 12th! You killed eight of my friends! Eight police officers whose families won't have their father or their mother or their brother or their sister in their home tonight! I think civil was destroyed with that bomb."

"I'd like to see you prove that."

"Just give me time. I will make you pay for what you did today!"

"How predictably naïve, Detective. This world consists of shades that you cannot even fathom. In your world, what I do and what you believe I have done is easily placed in a box that justifies your existence. Your great failure is not a failure of the heart, it is a failure of the mind. You fail to properly understand the world."

Kate sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, "And you do?"

"With age and perspective, comes wisdom. The world is a much scarier place than your blossoming optimism can fathom and I have seen the depths to which mankind can sink."

"So your solution is to kill innocent people? How can that make sense?"

"How can it not? There are philosophy classes across the United States that ask the question, 'what is moral'? They are a waste of time. Morality is easy; it's a simple calculus that allows for the death of innocent people when they fall on the wrong side of an equation."

Kate leaned forward, placing her arms on the table, "People aren't variables in an equation! Just go ask the families of the officers you killed today whether they are just numbers in some warped equation!"

Mason matched her, "And what about all of those families that I save because I stay in business? What about all those people, the innumerable number of Africans, Arabs, and Asians that are free and alive because there are men in this world who are willing to stand in front of tanks and do battle with the worst mankind can offer? If I have to kill thirty to save thirty-thousand, then shouldn't that be an easy decision?"

"Why don't we put that theory to the test?"

In an instant, Kate flew across the table and grabbed Mason Harrison by his silver hair. She slammed his head into the table and released the locking mechanism on the gun she hid on her arm, the same one Roy used to kill Hal Lockwood. She held the gun to Mason's head and turned to his guards, "Stay where you are! Slowly, place your guns on the ground."

Mason spoke softly, "Do what she says. She won't shoot me."

The guards complied with Kate's demands and she turned her attention to the man whose head she held menacingly against the table. "By your own calculus, if I kill you I am justified aren't I? How many more people have to die to make this right, Mason? Huh? How many more people have to die before this moral calculus you spew spits out a justification for your death!"

"None. And yet, you still won't do it. You are weak, Detective. You are bound by the rules of your job and by the rules of society, unable to make decisions that the people themselves can't. They need you to make those decisions detective, they need you to tell them what is right, and yet, you allow them to make their own decisions. That's why your mother is dead, and that's why I am going to win."

Kate was unbelievably enraged. He was right. If she did this, she could end it right here and no one would blame her. Nobody else had to die. Just do it. Just do it, Kate. Pull the trigger and make the world a better place.

Just do it!

Do it!

DO IT!

The voices in her head screamed at her to pull the trigger but she paused.

…

…

…

"_What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."_

…

…

…

The seconds that passed as she breathed heavily seemed like an eternity. The war raged inside her, as the words of her mother and Castle came back to her. Esposito and Ryan weren't there to pull her off the suspect, she had walked into hell without her friends, and thus, her decision was her own.

…

…

…

"_But the thing about death is that it teaches an important lesson about life. The lesson is quite simple: it is meant to show us why the journey matters so much more than the destination."_

…

…

…

"_You are the best detective in the NYPD, you do bring closure to those who need it most, but more than that, you bring justice to a world of injustice. More importantly, you demand better from those around you. You saved your dad from the bottle and I could not be more grateful. Your forgiveness forces those you love to seek redemption and provides others the purpose they seek."_

…

…

…

"_I love you, Kate. When this is over, when the man who ordered your mother's death is behind bars, I want you to be whole."_

She might end this if she pulled that trigger, she might be able to claim insanity, but none of those defenses would quell her own regret. No, Kate. No. She could never be whole if she pulled that trigger, she had promised to be whole for Castle, she said 'always', and as the words washed over her like a cleansing flood, she was overcome with the enormity of the situation. Don't pull that trigger, Kate.

What had she done? She knew she could not pull that trigger, she knew that if she did, no matter the consequences, she would never be whole. She would take the life of an unarmed man in cold blood, and that thought made her sick. Slowly, it brought her back to herself. Her hands began to shake, her body felt weak and threatened to collapse, and so, she pulled back slightly. She pointed her gun at the guards in the room and backed away from Mason Harrison, while slowly making her way to the door.

Mason's head came off he table and he smiled at her just before she was gone, "I knew you wouldn't do it. Your naive view of the world will be your downfall."

Kate was shaken to her core but mustered one last reply, "Your arrogance will be yours."

In the next moment, she was out the door, racing back to the loft to find herself once again.

**May 7th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**10:29 P.M.**

In the twenty minutes it took to get back to the loft, Kate reeled in her emotions as best she could. Her actions had shaken her from a rage that had literally engulfed her, when she had her gun to his head it was as if she was an ethereal being watching some other person she didn't recognize, and thus, what she needed above all was something firm and unforgiving.

She could hardly control her breathing and her heart raced as she knocked on the door to the loft. When Rick opened the door, he was met with an anxious and clearly distressed Kate. She walked past him into the loft and was met with her family who looked away from the board that had become their home in the last few days. Esposito, Ryan, Lanie and Captain Gates saw all they needed to see.

"Kate…"

Kate looked at her steadily shaking hands and tried to breath evenly, "I nearly put a bullet through Mason Harrison's head! He called right before the bomb…I…he…meet…"

When her chest started to tighten, she instinctively rubbed the scars of her chest and looked towards the ground unable to finish her thoughts. She hadn't had a panic attack in two months, the product of therapy and a will that kept her focused on the road ahead, but the emergence of Mason Harrison, the bombing, the death she saw on the street in front of the 12th, and her recklessness threatened to bring her to her knees.

Castle was there instantly, wrapping his arms around her and whispering in her ear the words she needed to hear. He kept her upright while Lanie made sure she wouldn't collapse. Her friends were there for her, wordlessly giving her the strength she needed to ride out the terror of the war drums that permeated her senses. No one questioned her, they didn't judge her, they were simply there for her in any way she needed, and somehow that made it worse.

In the past week, she fought to be so much better, she allowed herself to revel in her family and had managed every day not to become obsessed with the case that drove her. Even months of therapy could not sway her from her fall, old habits and her PTSD became more powerful than her own want and desire, and it drove her to do something rash and stupid. Her actions were purely and simply a product of an agony and rage that she wanted so desperately to step past.

As her panic attack subsided, the gang decided to leave and come back in the morning. They would find out what exactly happened then, but for now, Kate needed space to breath and a loving hand on her back.

When her family was gone, Castle wordlessly took her hand and led her to his bedroom. He sat her down on the bed and knelt in front her, red and blood-shot eyes staring back at him. Quietly, he began to undress her. She didn't protest this turn of events, though she wasn't sure she could if she wanted too, and for the longest time, an act such as this would have terrified her.

He was slow and deliberate, he provided her with a pair of Alexis' sweatpants and one of his shirts, and helped her to get into bed. He too stepped out of his clothes and into his boxers and a t-shirt. He slid into bed behind her and wrapped himself around her legs and body.

They said nothing for what seemed an eternity, though it was likely more in the neighborhood of twenty minutes, and she was enormously grateful. She wasn't completely cured, their love wasn't a magical elixir that erased old habits, but it was exactly the sword she needed to keep her demons at bay.

With Castle's arms wrapped tightly around her, Kate felt safe for the first time in days, she was in a place where Mason Harrison and his corroded and antiquated views of morality couldn't touch her, and if she was honest with herself, she finally understood that she had one final lesson to learn. She couldn't lead her family to victory, she wasn't a general with troops ready to go into battle, and she couldn't be the glue that kept them together. She could simply be Kate. And that was good enough. Turns out, it always had been.

And that's when she finally, finally after years and years of repressed emotion and grief, allowed everything to collide. She did it because she wasn't afraid, and that's the gift Castle willingly provided her. She turned in his arms and wrapped her hands in his shirt; she buried her face in his chest and sobbed as she never had before with his arms firmly entrenched around her.

They say the sun must set before it can rise, and whether she knew it or not, the sun had set in that coffee shop for Kate Beckett. Whispers of past heart break danced around her, guilt threatened to invade her very being, and yet, in this safe haven, nothing could compete with the love of the man wrapped around her. She gave him the strength to fight his obsession and the ensuing guilt, and in return, he provided a home for her to finally wage a battle fourteen years in the making.

What we truly must remember about life is that our best dreams are gifts meant to become our memories. And everything else is a windmill…

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the fall of Kate Beckett. Themes run deep in this one, and I just hope I did that final lesson I felt like she needed to learn, justice.**

**Again, thanks for reading! You guys who read this are amazing and your reviews keep me going. Thanks so much!**

**Chapter 9 is soon!**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I wish I did though…

A/N: We are actually almost there, with this story. There are 12 chapters, and I could be convinced to do an epilogue. I actually want to do it, so I'm kinda shilling right there for reviews!

For now, enjoy the story!

**Where Evil Lies**

**May 8th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**7:19 A.M.**

Castle woke early the next morning to the sleeping form of Kate Beckett. He was torn between the feeling of insane happiness, which seemed either like an oxymoron or a painful truth, and a crushing dread that spoke to the events of the night before. He hadn't seen it coming, he had been so preoccupied with the case, with his daughter's healing, and with the protection of his family that he had let things slip. He didn't see the coming storm, only the battle brewing. How utterly cliché.

With everything she had, she tried to be strong for her family, and in the process, had allowed that horrible parallel to her father's decent to tint her own view of the world. It was proof that overcoming the psychological and emotional torments of a bleak past was a journey that Kate wasn't ending. It was a path she was just beginning, and it made him even more determined to help and to be there for the woman he loved as she navigated this treacherous road she chose.

When he first realized he loved her, sitting in that break-room as they built theory about the escaped billionaire and the magician, he steeled himself to wait and to see that she was happy, whether that be with him or another. That's how he knew this was different, that's how he knew that two divorces and a litany of failed past relationships could hold nothing to the flame ignited that day. When he told her he loved her, it was the product of a desperate plea for the efficacy of his words to bring her back from the darkness so that she could live the life she deserved. It was a plea to whatever Gods might be listening to save the woman he loved, to bring her back to him and allow him the opportunity to show her that life meant more than a case or a fear of failure.

His secret and subsequent obsession nearly tore them apart, cruelly ripping his heart from hers and forcing him to view the world in its ghastliest and ugliest reality. A life without Kate Beckett, without the beauty that he swore he would see blossom, without a love that scorched his very soul, and when they had been sewn back together with a string of friendship and mutual respect, he finally realized where he stood. He stood on top of the mountain leaning this way and that, teetering on an edge of which he had no prior knowledge.

Now as he lay in bed, wrapped around the woman he loved, he allowed himself a moment to reflect on what had been and all that might be. He imagined the world of possibilities which stretched forth in front of him, of the battle's they would fight together, and of the ensuing war that lie just above the horizon.

What he came to understand that early Tuesday morning lifted him to heights never before seen. As she lay beneath him, he understood that he no longer stood atop that mountain alone, he no longer feared falling because if he could no longer maintain his balance, she would be there to catch him. And he would do the same for her. He would never again fear the ground because the sky had opened itself to him.

They weren't each other's lives and they would never consume the other. What he held in his arms that morning was the woman who would enrich his life and force him to walk a path that spoke of something greater. He would bring her back from the abyss and force her to embrace the small whisper of whimsy and fun she lost 14 years ago, and in return, she would love him and show him a path out of the heartbreak and frustration of a life lived between words and fame.

The love they shared would be their instrument used to navigate lives for which both ached. When this was over, their love would be the string that sewed their lives back together. As she slowly stirred from a frigid night, he finally understood how they were the bed-rock of lives truly lived. They gave each other the greatest gift mankind had to offer, the promise of hope and the wonder of true and meaningful love.

"Kate?"

"Rick?"

"I'm here. Always will be."

She snuggled back into him, her head buried deeper into the crevice of his right arm, and sighed as she felt the anxiety and fear of the previous day wash over and around her like a blanket that only held the promise of healing.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't. No need. Just know that I will always be here, when you need a place to stand."

"A writer and his words…"

He ran his hands through her hair and softly skimmed her features with the knuckles of his hand, "A muse and her passion."

"Passion can destroy."

"Only if the passionate have no outlet, Kate."

"Are you my outlet?"

"And you are mine. Equals, remember?"

"The same amount of black and white…"

"And the circle which always returns to the place it begins…"

"Harmony."

"Love."

"Forever."

"Bathed in a single word…"

Kate looked up from her place on his arm and felt nothing but the cocoon of strength and warmth he created last night and this morning. She smiled a weak and shy smile, it spoke to the forgiveness and understanding he provided, and it buoyed her heart and her mind. She had fallen but he had caught her. As she had for him.

She whispered the next part, "Thank you. Thank you for being my outlet."

"Always."

As he kissed her, the passion and desire in the room pushed away all doubt and reservation, it strengthened her and provided him the relief and love he desired, and as they made love, he took his time, allowing his lips and his hands to stay her to this world. As she came apart once again, pleasurably aware of the parallel, she allowed his taste and feel to transport her from the agony of a day she would just as soon forget to a morning she would always remember.

_45 minutes and a few moans later…_

Castle stood in the kitchen cooking breakfast while Kate showered in his en suite, "How is my incredibly talented and lovely progeny this early morning?"

Alexis entered the kitchen smiling, "Good, how is everyone after the bombing?"

"I think we are better. Getting better, anyway."

"I'm so glad you are okay, Dad."

Castle reached out and took his daughter's hand, "Me too, pumpkin. Me too."

"And Beckett?"

"Better. Maybe not good, but better."

"I can't imagine what this must be like for her."

"Yeah, sometimes we forget the toll of war, when we see only the battles."

"How very profound. Let me guess, Patterson?"

"My lovely daughter, the comedian. Would you like some sarcasm to go with that?"

"Nope, think I've had my fill. I will take some simple prodding with just a touch of wit and guile. I'll understand if you have to send out for that, though."

"I'll try my best."

"Try harder, dad."

"My own daughter has turned on me? I am shocked, shocked I say!"

"You shouldn't be! Now, where are my pancakes?"

"You know, just for that, I might not cook you breakfast."

Martha didn't so much enter the room as glide gracefully into it, "Oh please, Richard your threats are as empty as my bank account."

"Always have to make with the grand entrance, mother?"

"All the world is a stage…and I need a drink!"

Alexis nearly choked on her orange juice, "I don't think that's the quote, Grams."

"Everything deserves its own flare, my dear. Good morning, darling!"

"Yes well, hello mother."

"So how is everyone?"

"I was just explaining that to Alexis, actually. For the most part, we are fine. We lost eight officers yesterday, and two are still in the hospital. Wait till the funerals are over. Then we will see."

Alexis' curiosity got the best of her, "Do they know how or why?"

"I think we know who and why, but how is still coming together. Esposito and Ryan are coming over this morning so we can discuss it."

"And to talk about Beckett?"

"I still don't know what happened last night. We haven't talked about it yet."

Alexis was puzzled and allowed her uncertainty to force it's way forward, "Didn't she spend the night?

"Yeah. We didn't talk though."

Martha was knowingly delighted, "Alexis, honey. I'd leave it there. Save some sanity and maybe a brain cell or two."

Alexis screwed up her face, "Ew, gross dad."

"Alright, why do you guys automatically assume that's what happened? How do you know I wasn't the perfect gentlemen?"

Martha couldn't hold back her incredulity, "Because we have lived with you before?"

And neither could Alexis, though hers was served with a side of mischief, "And we know how much you love her?"

"Funny. No, she just needed a safe haven last night, and I was happy to oblige."

"I believe you dad."

Martha didn't buy her son's answer of course, "I don't. You two should have kissed long ago…"

Beckett agreed from the door frame, freshly showered, "I agree."

"Kate! Come in, join us. We heard you had a hard night dear, are you alright?"

As Martha swept Kate into a hug, she was delighted with the atmosphere of the room, "I will be…thank you Martha. I appreciate it."

"Well then sit down! Richard, fix another plate…"

"No, no Martha I was just going to grab something on the way to my apartment, before coming back. I didn't want to interrupt your breakfast."

"Non-sense. I will not take no for an answer. Now sit…"

Alexis rose from her bar stool and made her way towards Kate, enveloping her in a hug that revealed a silent admiration and forgiveness Kate wasn't sure she had earned, "I'm glad you're here, Kate."

"Me too, Alexis. Thanks."

Kate's eyes were suspiciously blurry; this family, that in her estimation may have been better off without her appearance in their lives, held no grudge and accepted her without condition or want. As she joined this family at the bar in Rick's kitchen, she felt the final few morsels of weight that rested on her shoulders being brushed aside. She felt the fractures of her wounded psyche being set and the wounds of a fourteen year old battle finally beginning to smooth over. They did that. They did it for her. And she could not be more grateful.

**May 8th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**10:41 A.M.**

_He walked into the 12th precinct with a restrained sense of fear and dread. He never thought he would die this way, he didn't want to die this way, but if it meant that his little girl got to live a full and happy life, then he would make the sacrifice. He worried what it made him that he was willing to take innocent lives to save his little girl, but existential questions were far down the list of his things to do today. Nothing mattered when it came to his little girl. _

Esposito ran the case over in his mind before he told the group gathered before him what he had found, "His name was Jeffrey Horn."

_He made his way past the front desk with the pass provided him, he was nervous and sweaty, and he was afraid he would be confronted before he reached his objective. He walked slowly towards the elevator, careful to keep his eyes forward and as non-threatening as he could make them. _

"At 42, he was single and recently divorced from his wife of 17 years, Lindsey Huntington."

_He reached the elevator and pushed the up button as officers shuffled by him and regarded him with nothing but a nod or a quick glance. He was halfway to fulfilling his mission, a mission he was forced to undertake, and yet, those existential questions came rushing back. _

"In 2010, his twelve year old daughter was diagnosed with **Alveolar **Rhabdomyosarcoma, a swift moving cancer that requires intense treatment. He was a lawyer for a small non-profit organization out of Hell's Kitchen, and the money he made would not cover the expensive treatment his daughter needed. They caught the cancer early but the family did not have health insurance."

_How could he do this? How could he take the lives of innocent people, even if they threatened to kill his precious little girl? He stepped onto the elevator without thought or care as though he had no control over his own actions, and as the elevator ascended towards his target, he thought back to the time his little girl asked him why bad things happened to good people. He couldn't answer that then and he couldn't answer it now._

"After a few weeks of trying desperately to procure a loan from any bank, Mr. Horn's daughter began to slide down a slope. They claimed it was a miracle when the money was donated in their name to the hospital. $450,000 paid for their daughter's care. She now lives a full and healthy life in remission."

_He shook off the feelings of remorse. He made his way into the room with the holding cells but his thoughts quickly turned to Lindsey and the promise he made to his little girl. Remorse had nothing on the love of a father and a husband. He had promised to find her when this was over but it was a shallow promise that he knew he probably would be unable to keep. He had promised to make his way back to his little girl. _

"They are off the grid, no cell, no credit cards, nothing. They are ghosts in the wind."

_He would have to break that promise too, but he would do so with the promise that the people he loved were safe and the man who forced his hand would not be. When you make a deal with the devil, he owns you for life. He reached his destination and saw the six people he was meant to kill. "Hello, boys. I have a message from Mason Harrison. The deal is off." With the voice in his ear satisfied, Jeffrey Horn pushed the button connected to the bomb strapped to his chest, detonating the large device and delivering a message to those who chased Mason Harrison._

**May 8th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**5:52 P.M.**

Captain Gates stood off to the side of the group gathered in Castle's loft and silently felt the pressure of press conferences and new command centers dissipate for just a moment. There was still so much work to be done but for the first time in days, she felt at ease in the company of her three detectives and famous novelist. Roy would be proud of her tonight, "The entirety of the 3rd floor of the precinct is gone and the building itself won't be livable for a few months at least. Thus, we are going to set up a new precinct in the building across the street while the investigation is on-going so that we still have a command center."

From his perch at Castle's dining room table, Esposito spoke, "We went over the security footage. It was pretty much what you guessed."

"Suicide bombing?"

"Yeah. And from the footage, Castle was right. It was targeted. He went after the people we arrested."

Castle couldn't help but wonder, "Doesn't that mean he is getting desperate?

Kate agreed, "And more arrogant."

Ryan joined in from his space next to Esposito, "I think we have enough to take Mason Harrison down."

Esposito looked at his partner, "Not yet."

"Why not?"

"This bastard didn't have the decency to respect Montgomery. We will. First, we bury every one of them. Then we go after him."

Kate spoke next, "I agree. I think we need to find the last informant as well before we move on Harrison. Any news on that front?"

Ryan turned his attention from his partner, "We ran financials on every single police officer in the 12th and none of them popped."

Kate grimaced, "Sorry about that."

Esposito shook his head, "What did we tell you?"

"Yeah, we got your back boss."

Captain Gates smiled at the display before her but it was Kate who felt it most, "Thank you, boys."

Ryan smiled at his boss, "So we wait?"

Captain Gates broke in, "I think so too. We have a lot of information and Mr. Cruz has his hands full right now. In my 30 years of being a cop, I have never seen a suicide bombing."

"When I was in Iraq, I saw a few. Actually, I mostly saw the aftermath, but still."

Ryan had to wonder, "Do we know for sure that Mason Harrison is the one who paid off Jeff Horn?"

Kate pulled one of the files strewn across the table, "Yeah, one of the bank account numbers we have was used to transfer the money to the hospital. I guess he didn't expect us to get this far."

While Castle sat down, he passed out the mugs of coffee he brewed, "I think that gives us a bit of an advantage, he may be covering his tracks now, but back then? He is far too arrogant to think anyone would get that far."

Kate looked at Rick and smiled through the memory, "That's what I told him last night…"

Everyone turned to Kate, wondering if she was going to share what had occurred the night before, "I got a call right before the bomb went off. It was him. He told me to duck right as the explosion occurred, but first, he told me he wanted to meet. I called him back with the number that was on my caller I.D. and met him at the coffee shop. It was stupid and rash. I used Roy's old gun that I strapped to my arm, and nearly killed him right there. Maybe I should have…"

Esposito softly wondered, "Why didn't you?"

"I need to be whole when this is finished. No matter the justification, no matter the guilt, nothing could compare to taking an unarmed man's life. I would have been broken forever. I made a promise to the man I love and I intend to see that promise to the end."

Ryan and Esposito smiled at each other, "Sounds good to me."

Castle leant down and softly kissed Kate on the cheek, "I'm glad you told us."

The two lovers stared into each other's eyes allowing the conversation to transcend words, and though they were willing to give them this needed moment, her friends would need words.

Ryan spoke softly, "It sounds like you did the right thing too."

Kate turned towards him, "I guess that's something. You know, Ben Jenkins once compared me to him."

Castle responded immediately, "You aren't Mason Harrison. If anything, last night proved it."

"Maybe…I'm sorry guys."

Ryan was the first to speak, "Don't worry about it."

"Yeah, we got your back, Kate."

Kate smiled at her brothers, "And I have yours."

Just then a knock sounded through the loft, and once again, the detectives were apprehensive as they looked towards the door. Ryan and Esposito moved towards the door with their guns drawn, while Captain Gates and Kate backed them up. When they opened the door, they were once again, shocked at who stood before them.

Jordan Campbell. A broken and beaten Jordan Campbell.

_10 minutes later…_

As Jordan entered the apartment, the shocked looks on the faces of the detectives were products of the bruises which adorned her face. She wanted to go to the hospital for her wounds but quickly realized she would have to tell them how she got the deep cut across the bridge of her nose and the black eye that threatened to close. With as much care as she could, Jordan had bandaged herself in the vain hope that she could hide the horrific assault she had suffered at the hands of Mason Harrison.

Captain Gates took her by her elbow and led her into Castle's kitchen. She then proceeded to use Castle's first aid kit to clean Jordan's wounds thoroughly and re-bandage the wounds which needed the most attention.

"That should do it, Ms. Campbell."

"Thank you."

Ryan was the first to speak, "What happened?"

Jordan spoke softly but confidently, "Mason Harrison was angry with me."

Understanding permeated the loft as silence enveloped the angry inhabitants. Rick was the one who broke the silence, "How can we help you, Ms. Campbell?"

"Actually, you can't. She can…" Jordan pointed to Kate, who stood off to the side with Rick.

"Me?"

"Are you Katherine Beckett?"

"Yes I am. How…how did you know?"

"I saw what you did at the coffee shop."

"I didn't see you in that coffee shop, where were you?"

"I was in the back, waiting for Mason to finish."

"You work for Mason Harrison?"

"I'm his secretary. And…and I'm trying not to be afraid anymore. For the longest time, I was afraid to go to work everyday. When I saw you in that coffee shop, saw what you did, I realized that maybe there was someone in the world that might be able to stand up to him."

"You can do that too, Jordan."

"It's why I'm here. I…I don't want to be afraid anymore."

"You don't have to be."

"No, I don't think I do. I want to testify against him. I want to see him pay for the crimes he has committed."

Kate felt an overwhelming sense of relief, "If you testify, we will have two witnesses against him. He will go down, Jordan. And you can have your life back."

"Ben Jenkins…"

Esposito stepped in, "Is safe. And we can make you the same."

Jordan looked around the room and felt a trust she hadn't felt in a long time. Her job was dangerous, her life was sometimes beyond repair, but standing in this room, with these people gave her the strength she needed to make a stand. She pulled a thick file folder from her backpack and two flash drives, "This is all the information I have or could find on Mason Harrison's operations and dealing for the past nine years. It has his personal bank account numbers, proof of pay-offs to local, state and national officials, and everyone who has been on the payroll since 2003. I found evidence of the illicit money that comes in to the company, phone records that link him to the prison and to Hal Lockwood, Dick Coonan and Ben Jenkins."

Ryan was amazed at the pot of gold which now rested on Castle's dining room table, "Do you know who tipped him off to the location of our witnesses?"

"Yes…"

"Will you tell us?"

Jordan knew that this was the moment she dreaded but she found the strength to power through, "You have to promise to protect me."

"Of course, we will. Ben Jenkins will remain safe and so will you."

Jordan smiled for the first time in days, "His name is Raymond Zeigler."

The gang was stunned and absolutely horrified by the name of the man who had given Mason Harrison the ability to blow up the 12th. It was Kate who found the words first, "Our own police commissioner?"

"Yes. We've had him since the fall of 2009; we blackmailed him because we needed access to your investigation, Detective. As you began to look further into your mother's murder, we needed more than Mr. Montgomery's word, and Mr. Zeigler was an easy target."

"I can't…what are you blackmailing him with?"

"The same thing many married men are blackmailed over. A sex tape. We hired a prostitute to sleep with him and tape her experience. She came through and we had the Police Commissioner on the payroll."

Esposito was beside himself, "Yeah, his wife wouldn't appreciate that tape."

The entire loft was stunned at the prospect that the one who betrayed them, the one who allowed eight of their own to die simply to protect his life, was also the one who they answered to as police officers of the NYPD. It was unthinkable. Unfathomable. Yet, when they saw the evidence placed in front of them, they knew that the game had changed drastically.

**May 9th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft/Mason Harrison's Office**

**6:42 P.M.**

_Mason Harrison saw the ever growing tide beginning to surge against him, and knew that this could potentially be his last stand. Minutes earlier, his sources inside the NYPD reported the impending arrest warrant being issued for him and the tactical plans being put into effect to assault the BP building on May 16th. _

Captain Gates re-iterated the plan the gang had come up with to take down Mason Harrison. Instead of taking Raymond Zeigler down immediately, they would feed him false information in order to give them an advantage.

_Mason had determined long ago that if he were to fall, he would make sure that his last stand was memorable. He would not fall into that silent night with nothing but a whisper. He would scream his protest to his dying breath._

They would claim that their advance would take place on Wednesday May 16th, three days after the final coffin of their fallen brethren was placed in the ground, but in truth, they would move on the 14th.

_They were coming on the 16th. He would be ready. He had a cadre of loyal soldiers who would fight to their deaths to protect him and the cause they fought for, even if that meant killing a police force dedicated to keeping the peace on the streets of New York City._

They knew he wouldn't go down easily. From Jordan's actionable intelligence, they knew that Mason had a small army ready to fight to the end. They simply would not be able to just walk into the BP building and serve the warrant. Thus, a plan had been concocted to get them in and out in the quickest and least bloody way possible. They also ordered protection details to remain in place and strengthened. No member of this family would go anywhere by themselves, they would always check in with at least one other person, and they were to remain inside their homes and apartments as much as possible.

_He knew their plans, he knew what they sought, and he knew that they were coming for him. And he would win because he knew his enemy. Kate Beckett. She would be the first to die at his hands for her treachery, and then when he was acquitted of all crimes, he would take the war to the remaining members of that family that tried in vain to bring him down. She would fall because of her naïve view of the world, unable to see the betrayal which stood at her door._

When ADA Jason Cruz once again walked through the door of Castle's home, he was met with the entire strange family that had gone to war with Mason Harrison. They were on the cusp of one of the greatest achievements in the history of the NYPD. It amazed him how much the saying was proven true in this room: _'Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.'_ He didn't doubt it for a second as he passed over the arrest warrant he had received only fifteen minutes prior. This small group of people would make the world a better place.

_They thought they were making the world a better place, but what they were really doing was depriving the world of a force for righteousness and justice. Mason Harrison would not allow that._ _His cause was noble and the ends were just. Nothing else mattered. He spoke into the phone with authority and purpose, "Make sure we are ready, Captain."_

"_Yes Sir!"_

_He would win this day, even if he had to kill every detective and police officer of the NYPD to do so._

With all of the evidence turned over to ADA Jason Cruz, the man who would put together the mountains of evidence against BP and Mason Harrison, and Jordan Campbell and Ben Jenkins secretly protected by the best the NYPD had to offer at Kate's apartment, all that was left was to take down Mason Harrison.

May 14th, 2012 was a Monday. It should be sunny that day…

**A/N: Again, I apologize for the late update, school is a bear right now, but as I said, I will get this up by January 9th. There are three chapters left and an epilogue that I truly want to write!**

**Thank you again for all the kind reviews and alerts. It is wonderful to know that my words have meaning to some. **

**Cheers everyone! **

**Chapter 10 is up soon.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Seriously, I don't!**

**A/N: This is one of my favorite chapters of the story, mainly because nothing really happens in it! No, I'm just kidding about that, but I felt like it was important to set the stage properly. I have been stewing with the take down now for two weeks, and most of it is now written already. You guys will both love and hate it, which I think means I am doing my job. **

**I've said this on another one of my stories, but I feel like it's my job as someone who writes down words, to say something meaningful. I hope I have done that here. **

**Please, enjoy!**

**Fidelis Ad Mortem**

Morality isn't simple and it isn't something we easily deduce. We may have the ability to speak to ourselves and 'know' intrinsically the correctness of an action, but the shades of black and white that morality presents seem so incredibly complex that relativity might be a viable alternative. What makes any moral calculus so incredibly complicated is motivation, for we all act according to reason, and that reason is the sole blur between the epistemological and the ontological. Between what exists and what we know.

Motivation is not only a cog in morality's wheel however; it is the defining divide between justice and revenge; between heroism and cowardice. Roy Montgomery knew that when he chose his path that night in the hangar, he knew that his actions would save the woman he came to think of as a daughter and save his family from the shame of a nineteen year old murder, but he also saw his own tragic flaw on grand display. Roy might have been a hero because of his actions but he also might have been the villain because of his reason.

There is an ultimate cynicism about the philosophy of Roy Montgomery's last stand, it's constructed around the knowledge that victory is not possible, and though that knowledge is the reason behind our celebration of past heroes, it is also the reason few lived to see tomorrow. For the Spartans or the Swiss Guard, their last stand was necessary, a sacrifice born of fidelity and honor and sacrifice. What made their sacrifice unique, what made their sacrifice all the more tragic was that they sacrificed themselves while embracing a belief that the world would once again know victory. They believed in the fundamental goodness that makes up the whole of mankind and believed that one day others would know the sweet taste of victory by their sacrifice. These heroes gave up something for a greater good, they gave of themselves so that others could enjoy the beauty ever present in this world. It is the foundation of great tragedy and catharsis.

For Roy Montgomery, his last stand was born of a cynical belief that victory was never possible, that the only thing worthy was the battle, and that in the end, the best we could hope for was someone who could stand beside you as you fell.

This wasn't a battle for the soul of New York and it wasn't a battle for survival, it was a battle between the optimism of 'until tomorrow' and the cynicism of 'night', between 'there is no victory, only the battle' and 'I will walk into hell…and plunge it through his heart', and if they were victorious this day, their victory would illuminate a path through the wilderness. A path paved with the redemption of a life deserved. Kate Beckett and the family she loved would not make their last stand today. Not today. This family would come to understand that the best we can hope for is not someone to stand by you while you fall but the victory achieved when a small group of people seek to change the world.

As they sought justice, as they sought a world free of the evil of Mason Harrison, they would come to understand that the great tragic flaw Roy held in his heart blinded him to the true nature of the just and proper. Today, they would understand this most powerful of lessons.

Victory is possible, if only we believe.

**May 19th, 2012-New York City**

**Woodlawn Cemetery**

**3:12 P.M.**

_Though some had protested, everyone who mattered agreed that he deserved to be buried with full honors. The sun shone down on the only inhabitant of the cemetery who dressed in something simple and black. Simple and black. It held a certain morbid curiosity within her that black was the color of being broken, of mourning, of death. The absence of color. The absence of life. _

_She thought back five days to a setting sun that brought about stark reality cloaked in darkness. The bullet tore through his heart, destroying his most powerful feature, and when it was over and he took his last breath, it was a painful whisper of love to the woman he died protecting. _

_His lifeless form had done nothing but stare as she completely collapsed, the pain and agony of a moment only her worst nightmares could conjure, and when she was finally forced from him, either by a fall or a strong set of arms, the moment took what was left of a heart broken for the final time. _

_Or so she thought. How could it possibly be worse?_

_An insistence that she be the one to harbor his family from a state of grace, that she be the one who took Detective Raglan's place at the feet of a family torn apart by the heroism of a man in love. _

_She stood in front of this broken family, herself torn asunder and forced to live the nightmare that was this life, and brought forth the news of his death. They cried, they screamed, but mostly, they blamed her. They would never know his gentle embrace, his soft and caring voice, or his humility and humanity again. They would never be the same._

_Neither would she._

_It seemed life was most cruel. It should have been her. It should have been her._

_She paused at the large headstone and wondered how she could possibly be whole again:_

_Here lies Richard Alexander Rogers_

_Writer, Hero, Father and Son_

_He lived every day as if he was a character in this story we call life._

_We will never forget the chapters he lived or the lives he saved._

_May he be the shining example to others that he was to us._

_Since it happened, she had been strong. She had been the rock for a group of people that mourned his death, but here, standing on his grave, she fell to her knees and allowed the sobs that escaped her body to invade the cemetery. He was gone, cruelly taken from her after only a few weeks of a passion she hardly could believe existed. He was gone, along with her heart, to a place where only Gods could travel. _

_The weight of her pain would forever stay her to this world, forced to live her life in some anguished purgatory reserved only for the weak and the cowardly. She wondered how karma could break her like this, could tear her apart with such ease and precision, and if it was even possible to piece back together that which had been shattered. _

_She felt the cold hand of death on her shoulder, "Kate, you have to get up."_

_Through the tears she turned to see him standing there, "W…w…what?"_

"_It's time to get up. Wake up, Kate."_

"_You…you're supposed to be dead!"_

"_I am. You are alive. And it's time to wake up."_

"_I miss you so much!"_

"_I know, Kate. I know. I miss you too." _

"_Come back, please? I don't know if I can do this without you!"_

"_I can't. I wish I could. But that wasn't the deal."_

"_I…"_

"_Kate. It's time to wake up."_

_She was nearly hysterical, "Why do you keep saying that?"_

_He leaned down to whisper in her ear, "I did it, for you. Now, wake up, Kate."_

**May 13th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Bed**

**3:12 A.M.**

Kate bolted upright in bed, coated in a fine sheen of sweat and gasping for a breath she never knew she needed. His hand was on her back instantly, "I'm sorry, Kate. It was just a nightmare. You were having a nightmare."

The panic residing in her heart and mind held firm and held hostage the vestige of a reality free of the grief she bore, "You…you're alive!"

She threw herself at him and sought the comfort of his beating heart. It served as a metronome that counted the moments of his life and allowed her a rhythm to come back to his tell-tale heart. "Of course I'm alive. I'm here and you are safe."

She buried her head in his chest and fought back the feelings of nausea and hopelessness brought on by her imagination and psyche. For a few moments, nothing in the world mattered but the way his heart beat constantly, the way his blood flowed through his veins, the way his breath warmed her soul, and the way his arms held her close.

"Kate, what can I do?"

"Just…just give me a minute. Don't let me go…"

"Never. Just breathe, Kate."

And that's what she did. The nightmare rolled away from her, the memories of a tombstone and a distraught daughter forced to the safe haven of fiction. A fiction he could re-write with the power of his words. A fiction that once saved her from the hole she dug for herself.

An ending she couldn't bear to witness.

"Make love to me, Rick. Make me feel. Make me believe."

She turned softly to peer into the face of her anchor, the man who kept her safely tied to dry land, and though she saw the approaching storm, she felt nothing but calm waters flowing beneath her. The panic and the despair which invaded her sleep were soon swept out to sea as he lovingly embraced her.

**May 14th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**6:32 A.M.**

Slowly and delicately, she extricated herself from her lover's arms. After all of the growth she had experienced by his side, after the lesson's learned through experience and toil, Kate had earned a place in this life. What she wouldn't give for peace, for a moment, a chance at normal, and yet, it eluded her like so much before. She made her decision early, she wrote him the letter, and wondered whether this was her albatross to carry through life. What she discovered over the course of two and a half weeks was the true power of grief and failure; two millstones not easily beaten back or shaken from one's neck.

With a fire born of white-hot passion, she made the decision she felt she must. No matter what happened today as they knocked on Hell's gate, he would not be tainted by the darkness any longer. He would be whole when this was over, of that she was certain, and if she was lucky enough to make it out of the abyss, she would do all she could to be whole as well. This was neither a battle she sought nor an action she yearned to undertake, but she would see it through to the end so that the people she loved would be free of the dark tide threatening to wash them away.

Kate gathered her clothes, her badge, her gun and the watch she wore in memory, and headed towards the kitchen, careful not to wake the members of his family.

She was met with a smiling matriarch, "Hello, Kate."

Kate was startled, "Martha!"

"Someone is jumpy this morning. Darling, that can't be good for what you are about to do."

Kate laughed, "Well then don't jump out at me!"

Martha rose from her position on a stool, "I am far too old to be jumping out at anyone, dear. Here, I fixed you breakfast."

Martha pushed the plate of eggs and bacon towards the detective, "Thank you Martha but I can't stay."

Martha sighed, "No, I don't suppose you can."

A moment of understanding passed between the mother and the lover and they smiled at each other, "Yeah. It…it's for the best."

"Oh you need not justify your actions darling. I find them quite heroic actually."

"It doesn't feel that way."

"Kate, you are saving his life. I can't thank you enough for that."

Martha reached towards Kate and drew her into a tight hug which she returned with pleasure, "I…I have to Martha."

"I know you think you do, darling. But he isn't the only one we want to come back tonight. You are apart of this family Katherine, and we will miss you dearly if the worst should happen. Come home, Darling. Come home. "

For the first time since the Christmas of 1998, Kate felt the love of a mother wrapped around her slender frame. It was a feeling she thought she had lost forever. If it was within her power to do so, she would return and embrace this family again. She wanted to revel in the love this family shared, though that made her decision and her task that much tougher. She found though that she didn't mind. Martha's words gave her a strength she never knew resided in her heart to fight harder, to try harder, and to do her best to return to the people she had come to love.

"With every ounce of strength I have, with all my heart, with everything I've got, I will fight to come home."

With those words, Kate Beckett left two officers at Rick's door and went to meet her fate.

_An hour and a half later… _

Rick woke later that morning to a cold bed and a feeling of dread. He saw the letter on her pillow:

_Richard_

_You have always been the writer, the possessor and master of words, and though I use them now, I hope only that I can do them and us justice. Just as I hope that my mother finds justice today. _

_In some sense, I am being selfish. For the first time in my life, I have met a man whom I truly love beyond the words I can place on this paper. And though I know you will be angry, I cannot watch you die today. I cannot come home to Alexis and do to her what that man did to me, and so, I am leaving you this in the vain hope that you will stay within the safe confines of the loft today. _

_I swore to my mother that day in the cemetery that I would end this, that with the help of my friends I would make sure that you were once again free to live the life you deserve, and I intend to keep that promise. I also made a promise to you. A promise that I would let you in, that I would be whole when this is over, but part of being whole is the knowledge that you are alive and happy and safe. I am sorry that I must leave you behind today, but I would never be whole if you were taken from me. _

_For the first time since my mother died, I have allowed myself the luxury of pure, unadulterated love, and it is ironic that I am now faced with the prospect that I may not be around to finally enjoy what has eluded me for these fourteen arduous years. I spent those years never allowing myself to fully live because I feared the pain and agony of that heartbreak that tore me apart and created the abomination you saw before you three and half years ago. When we met, you awoke something inside me, and though it makes today even more painful, it is a pain that I no longer fear. I have embraced the wonders of life because you made me believe once more. _

_You made me believe. _

_Of course, that may sound like I am lamenting a life lost, but that isn't true. I regret absolutely nothing. In fact, as we move on the man who killed my mother, I am reminded that, if I had too, I would have once happily given my life to take him down. As I now revel in the life you breathed into me, I know that I will fight harder than I ever have to come home to you tonight. _

_I could never regret having met you. I could never regret loving you. Please understand that even if I die today, I wouldn't trade the weeks we shared as lovers and the three and half years of friendship we have built for anything. You awoke my heart from its deep slumber, you bathed me in life, and through all the hardship and frustration, you brought me back from the dead. You did that. And I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you._

_You are the best man I have ever met, and though we live in a world saturated with evil and pain, your heart and soul make the world a place worthy of an optimism I hardly knew. If I am so lucky as to have you in my life once again, I want you to know this final truth. Whatever form of me survives the day, whatever I am when this is finished, please know that my heart is yours until it can no longer beat._

_And if the worst does happen today and I am unable to make it back to you, please do one more thing for me. Live. Embrace the humanity that you thankfully thrust upon me. _

_Live the life you deserve. _

_For me._

_Love always, _

_Kate_

Rick desperately wiped at the tears which freely fell down his cheek. He understood what she had done, but this time, he would not be left behind. His purpose was clear. He was her charter out of the hell she walked into for him. He would pay her passage through Tartarus, through the depths of the underworld, and then bring her back from the torment of the abyss. It was his battle to wage.

In the sunny morning of a Monday, the day Solomon Grundy was born, the battle had begun.

**A/N: Alright, so this one is a little shorter than the others, mainly because I had a couple of things I wanted to get across before the raid. Chapter 11 is the take-down and Chapter 12 is the aftermath. The epilogue will follow soon after. I will get Chapter 11 up Sunday and Chapter 12 up Monday, and I will keep my promise to have it up before January 9th! Yay, me!**

**Again, to all the kind reviews and alerts, you guys are amazing. I want you to know that you inspire me to keep writing. **

**Thank you all. **

**Cheers**


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I admit it, I am Andrew Marlowe. Actually, wait, I am Spartacus!

A/N: Here we go with the take down. Enjoy!

**Nosce Te Ipsum**

"_I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."_ – Aristotle

Above the Pronoas in the Temple of Apollo at Delphi the Greek maxim 'know thyself' is inscribed as a reminder of the existential journey we embark upon. The quest to understand our own nature is not one undertaken lightly, it is an arduous road that may never end, and yet, the key to finding some measure of truth is the understanding that the quest itself holds the answer. Part of the wonder of life, part of the joy inherent to the quest is the search for answers, a quest to discover the unknown that is just as important, if not more, than achieving truth. It is the curse of omniscience, a knowledge of everything means we can not be surprised, we can not experience the fun of learning the new and original. It means something to be surprised. It means something to learn and grow and evolve.

It is life. As we crawled from the primordial ooze, as we evolved and became better, the course of human history tells us that we are meant to be better, that we are meant to be giants ourselves. The obstacles we face in our life are meant to show us the wonder of the world, they are meant to force you to rise above yourself and discover the depths of your own strength and passion.

Know thyself. Discover thyself.

For if we are so brave, we will discover the greatness that resides in us all.

**May 14th, 2012-Roosevelt Island**

**BP Building**

**10:27 A.M.**

The Beati Pacifici building was part of a larger complex spanning 1.27 acres at the junction of east and west Main Street on Roosevelt Island. Each building in the complex served a specific purpose and each were connected by an elevated walkway. Built in 1996, the buildings were a marvel of modern architecture and were a monument to the solitary nature of the business Mason Harrison had built. Building Four held the training facilities for the business' mercenary operations, Building Three consisted of dorms that would house civilians and soldiers in training, Building Two housed the accounting and business wing of BP, and Building One was the crown jewel of the business. At 28 stories, this glass structure stood as the crowing achievement of BP. Housed on the 24th floor on the north side of the building was the office of Mason Harrison.

From the beginning, the gang knew that Mason Harrison would not go quietly, they knew he would fight an insane battle to stay in power, and as the owner and CEO of Beati Pacifici, removing him from power through other means was next to impossible. Thus, they had devised a strategy that sought the least amount of casualties and the maximum amount of success.

_**Mom, I am going to walk into hell with the help of my friends…**_

On September 17th, 2011, a group of protestors walked into Zuccotti Park in New York City and began a movement labeled Occupy Wall Street. Their goal was simple: to draw attention to the vast economic difference between the 99% of the world's population that held little of the world's wealth. In their estimation, the elite 1% that held nearly all the power and economic wealth in the world was responsible for the economic collapse of the world economy in 2008. When Rick called Micah White, senior editor of Adbusters, he presented a target for the waning movement, and in so doing, he helped to create the distraction.

Right on schedule, 63 members of the Occupy Wall Street movement dressed in matching black trench coats made their way to the doors of Building One in the Beati Pacifici complex. They entered the lobby and spread out holding signs that spoke to the inequality they fought against, and made their presence known.

Captain Mark Strong spoke quickly into his walkie-talkie, "Sir, we have a situation."

Mason Harrison's reply from his 24th story office was immediate, "What's wrong, Captain?"

"Protestors, Sir. At least 50 have begun to take over our lobby. We think they are with Occupy Wall Street."

"Take the men you need and take care of it Captain."

"Sir, there are camera's and member's of the media within their ranks."

Mason Harrison sighed, "Alright, use the utmost discretion. The last thing we need is a media fire storm. If you need to do so, call in local police to help clear out the lobby, but I want it done."

"Yes, Sir. I'll take care of it." Captain Strong signaled to his men to follow him as he left the command center on the 17th floor and began his trek to the lobby to quell the protestors.

_Meanwhile…_

When Jordan first told them that Mason Harrison was planning on making a final stand, they weren't surprised. They recognized how difficult this would make serving the arrest warrant, they would be walking directly into his home and he knew they would be coming. Undoubtedly, he would be waiting with some of his best trained employees, and so the plan that was devised was meant to take those soldiers from him and take him by surprise. Thanks to the Commissioner, which still turned their stomachs, Mason expected them in two days, and thanks to Rick's acquaintance with the Occupy movement, they would have their distraction. Still, that meant they had to get into the building…

Using the side entrance to Building One, the one reserved for employees and janitorial services, three white vans pulled up to the gate moments before the Occupy movement made its move in the lobby. Dressed as janitors, Kate, Esposito, Ryan and two trusted SWAT teams were housed in the three vans. They used credentials supplied by Jordan Campbell and were easily allowed admittance to the parking garage underneath Building One.

As they parked and exited their vans, Kate wondered, "Are we ready?"

Her, Esposito and Ryan were all dressed as janitors but Ryan would be the one who needed to pass himself off as a janitor. Kate and Esposito would hide in the cart Ryan would push through the halls of BP.

"Yeah, I think we're ready. You know, we could have chosen a better color"

_A few minutes later…_

Kate and Esposito made their way to the 24th floor, Ryan held his station in the camera room on the 23rd floor after arresting members of Harrison's security team, and SWAT had taken up positions on all entrances to higher floors in order to keep Mason Harrison's men from re-engaging. This part of the plan had gone well, the cart Ryan used to get Kate and Esposito into the building had been a great way of hiding their numbers and keeping everything secret until they were ready, and the SWAT teams had gotten into position with little resistance after Ryan had taken the camera room.

"Kate, watch your back. Something doesn't feel right. We got here far too easily."

"Couldn't it just be a great plan?"

"Uh huh, this is us. The universe doesn't seem to ever want this to be easy."

They made their way into Mason Harrison's office only to find the office empty. They were certain he would be here but the massive office whose windows allowed for an incredible view of the East River seemed to be deserted. Did he know they were coming? How?

While Kate stood at Mason's desk searching for a clue as to Mason's whereabouts, Esposito had turned to look at the books along the back wall near the windows to search for a way out of the office they hadn't observed. They were surprised when he wasn't in the office and thought maybe he had escaped through some unknown passageway. They didn't hear the door in the back of the office open, the door which held a secret alcove where Mason could hide when needed, and it was far too late for the detectives to defend themselves. Two shots rang out. One struck Esposito in his Kevlar but the other tore through his leg and shattered the bone ten inches above the knee. He screamed in pain and fell backwards toward the window. A third shot rang out as Kate spun around and pointed her gun at a smiling Mason Harrison. To her horror, the window shattered and Esposito fell through the open hole in the building.

**May 14th, 2012-Roosevelt Island**

**Commissioner's Office**

**10:27 A.M.**

Captain Gates walked into the Commissioner's Office flanked by her two most trusted officers from the 12th precinct. A dirty cop was the most dangerous beast in the jungle, but a cop with the power of the Commissioner represented the height of hypocrisy, corruption and power.

"Hello Mr. Zeigler."

"Well, hello Victoria. What can I do for you today?"

"You can come with me, without a fight."

The Commissioner rose from his desk with a look of shock, "What?"

"I have an arrest warrant for you, Mr. Zeigler."

"And what could you possibly be arresting ME for?"

"Let's start with conspiracy to commit murder and go from there. You were Mason Harrison's lap dog, you betrayed all of us. You are the reason eight of my officers are dead!"

The look on the Commissioner's face told the story, "Good luck proving that."

"Oh we have more than enough evidence. We have Jordan Campbell. You are going to prison for a very long time."

Raymond Zeigler's faced paled at the mention of Jordan Campbell, and as if by instinct, he began to reach for his gun that sat hidden underneath the tray on his desk.

Captain Gates saw him reach for his gun and her eyes narrowed at the piece of garbage in front of her. She nearly whispered her reply in anger, "Don't do it, Mr. Zeigler. I don't want to have to kill you, though it might be a pleasurable experience in your case."

It was a stand-off, Captain Gates held her hand on her gun and it seemed that Raymond Zeigler was contemplating whether he could beat her. With the knowledge that he would probably die, his hand left his desk and reached into the air.

Captain Gates relaxed just a little, "Take him."

The two officers by her side moved around the desk and took Mr. Zeigler into custody as the stare-down continued between the Captain of the 12th precinct and one of the most powerful men in New York City.

"Raymond Zeigler, you are under arrest for corruption and conspiracy to commit murder, you have the right to remain silent…"

**May 14th, 2012-Roosevelt Island**

**BP Building**

**10:49 A.M.**

…_**take the Devil's trident…**_

Kate held her gun on Mason Harrison but could not maintain her gaze, Esposito was hanging on to the ledge of the building and he would not last long. She wanted nothing more than to help her fallen friend, but Mason Harrison held his gun on her and she knew that a moment of hesitation would lead to both her death and Esposito's.

"Give it up, Mason! We have the building, your team is cut off from the upper floors, and there is nowhere to hide. It's over!"

"I don't think so, Detective. You forgot about the heli-pad on top of the building. I am going to escape, and when I do, I will come after you and finish the job. Until then young lady, you have a choice. Stop me or save your friend."

"You know what I will choose."

"And you will prove my point. Your naïve view of the world and your friends will be your downfall. You lose, Detective."

Mason began to inch towards the door as Kate began to inch towards the hanging form of her friend. When Mason made a hasty retreat from the door, Kate hustled over to the window and looked out at the city of New York. Esposito dangled 24 floors above the ground, he had a nasty leg wound and was hurt badly from the bullet which struck his vest. Kate screamed, "Espo, I'm here!"

She quickly fell to her knees and grabbed Esposito's arm to try and give him something else to grab on to and allow him a bit of respite. "Espo, I can't pull you up!"

Esposito grunted and panted, "Just let me go, Kate. Go get him!"

"NO! Absolutely not! We are getting out of here, don't let go, do you understand! Don't you let go!"

"Kate, you can't pull me up and I don't have the strength to pull myself up."

Just then, the door to the office burst open and Ryan made his way into the office. "Ryan, I've never been happier to see anyone! Get over here and help!"

In an instant, Ryan was at Kate's side. He reached down to grab Esposito's other arm, and together, he and Kate slowly pulled Esposito back into the office. When he was finally back in the office, everyone in the office breathed a sigh of relief.

Kate hit Esposito in the chest, "Don't you ever try to sacrifice yourself again!"

Esposito couldn't muster a response as he slumped down against the bookcase in the back of the office. Ryan and Kate were relieved with the situation until they saw the blood and the wound in Esposito's leg. It was bad. Immediately, Ryan began to rip apart his sweater using the knife he held in his belt, he tied two ends together and tried to apply a tourniquet above the injury. Kate and Ryan worked together, Kate held pieces of Ryan's sweater to the wound in his leg, and though they were certain the bullet hadn't nicked the femoral artery, Esposito was still bleeding badly and in considerable pain.

They noticed too that he was on the verge of going into shock, and they were also certain that Esposito's femur was broken. He couldn't walk and they needed to get him to an ambulance.

"We have to stop the bleeding Javi. This is going to hurt."

Ryan then chose a spot mid-to-upper-thigh and wrapped the make-shift tourniquet around Esposito's leg. He tied the tourniquet tight, cutting off blood flow to the wound, while Esposito bit back the scream which ached to spill forth. The pain was nearly blinding as his shattered leg took only more punishment. Kate's decision was easy…

"Ryan, we have to get him out of here. He is bleeding out and is about to go into shock."

"What are we going to do? I can't leave you alone…"

"Yes you can. And you will. Take him down in the same cart we brought you guys up in and get him an ambulance."

"No! You can't go after Mason alone."

Esposito grabbed Kate's arm and looked her dead in the face, "You can't do this alone. I'll be fine. The blood loss is slowing and I…my head…my head…is…clearing. A little."

Kate smiled down on her fallen friend, "Since when has it ever been clear?"

"Is this really the time to…make fun of me? I am wounded here."

Kate fought back the tears which threatened to spill, "I won't lose you guys. I won't. Ryan, I promise, I will take my time and be careful. You have to get him out of here. You know I'm right."

Ryan looked between Kate and Esposito; he was clearly torn between saving his brother and being there for his sister. Without preamble, he surged towards Kate and hugged her fiercely, a terrible decision made. When they pulled apart, Kate had to once again fight back tears, "You have to come home, do you understand. No matter what, you come home!"

"I promise, I will."

"Here is the walkie-talkie I took from the guys in the camera room, listen to it and make sure you take him out. C'mon Espo, let's get you out of here."

Esposito was angry, "I told you to leave me!"

"And I'm prettier than you and I can walk. The decision is made, so shut-up partner."

Kate grabbed Esposito's arms and allowed her eyes to tell the story, "No man left behind, Espo."

Esposito sighed and simply nodded, "That includes you, you know?"

"I'll be fine, I promise."

Ryan ran back towards the camera room and grabbed the cart they used to get into the building. While he was doing so, Kate called dispatch for back-up and an ambulance. By this time, it didn't matter that the rest of the 12th knew about the raid, hopefully the Commissioner would be in custody, and thus, there was no fear of the actual date of the raid leaking.

Ryan sprinted back to Mason's office and together with Kate, they carefully loaded Esposito into the cart so Ryan could take him down to a waiting ambulance.

Ryan took one last look at Kate and hated himself just a little more. She was going after the man who ordered the murder of Johanna Beckett, and though they had promised not to let her go it alone, that is exactly what was going to happen. He didn't have a choice, this was the only option because there was no one else. He couldn't pull members of SWAT to help because they were spread thin across the five paths that led to the upper floors of Building One, and if Mason Harrison's men were able to get past SWAT, Kate stood absolutely no chance. As they left the room, both Esposito and Ryan looked back at Kate and wondered if this would be the last time they saw their sister.

_Meanwhile…_

Mason Harrison purposefully made his way to the heli-pad on top of Building One. He would make them pay for their treachery, he would escape today, and tomorrow, he would bring the war to their door-steps.

"This is Harrison. I need my chopper fully gassed and brought to bear to the roof-top of Building One. Extraction point will be marked with green flair. I need back-up. Send in Task Force 5."

"Roger that Mr. Harrison, ETA is 24 minutes."

He only needed to survive for twenty-four minutes, and as he made his way up the stairs toward the door to the room which rested on the 28th floor, he knew he would win this day.

…_**and plunge it through his heart…**_

Through the walkie-talkie now firmly strapped to her belt, Kate struck out towards Mason Harrison and the heli-pad on top of the BP building. She heard the ETA, she knew she had 23 minutes and 59 seconds to end this, and it became a race against time as she hauled herself up the stairs. If that helicopter reached the top of the building, she was certain that members of his security personal would overwhelm her, and Mason Harrison would be able to escape. She was alone, she had no back-up, and her only tools were her mind and her gun. She hoped that was enough.

Kate raced up the stairs, her knowledge of this building the product of dedication and study over the plans Jordan Campbell provided, and when she reached the door to the roof, she paused. He would be waiting on the other side. She had to get on the other side of that door, she had to get to him before the helicopter came to spirit him away. This had to end. Now.

With everything she had, she threw herself at the door. It slammed open and she stumbled through as she was met with gunfire. It was close but she was able to duck behind a near-by heating unit. A few more bullets rang out before she heard his voice, "Well, well Detective Beckett. Turns out you are more persistent than I anticipated."

"Yeah, I'm plucky. Who knew?"

"Certainly not me, young lady."

Kate cringed. She hated being called that and it didn't help that this asshole was the one doing it. Kate leaned out from behind the heating vent, her gun drawn, and saw Mason Harrison standing about 40 yards away. When she stepped away from the vent, she expected shots to again ring out, but she heard nothing. Slowly, she stepped out from behind the vent she was behind, and brought her gun up to an arrogant and proud man whose gun was trained on her.

"Give it up, Mason. Nobody has to die today!"

As she said it, she kept her eyes focused on the man in front of her, and as they began to circle each other from forty yards, she could see his amusement at the situation.

"You are too far away to shoot me with any certainty and I would be more than happy to take you out before I go. When my helicopter arrives, you will die, and I will live to fight another day. I told you detective, the first rule of war is to know your enemy and I know that you won't try to kill me from there. You want to live today and I don't mind dying. I win. You lose. Accept it."

"You know what I hate? I hate it when the bad guys devolve into a big long speech that explains their plans and exposes their arrogance. Just wear a fucking black hat! It'll accomplish the same thing!"

They continued to circle each other, guns pointed directly at the other, though neither was willing to fire and risk missing from this distance. Kate was trying to close the distance as they spoke, yet, for every step she took forward, Mason took two steps back. He knew this roof and knew that he could keep this deadly game going until his helicopter arrived. If that happened, Kate would surely lose this fight. She had to think of a way to end this…

"You still haven't learned, have you? There is no need to curse."

He was arrogant, he was mid-50's, and he thought he could beat her at anything. He thought he was better than her. Use that. Use it, Kate.

"Oh, come on Mason, is that really what you want to talk to me about?"

The voice came through her walkie-talkie, "Fifteen minutes, Sir. Stand-bye."

"There are few things more important than manners, Ms. Beckett. Of course, in fifteen minutes you will be dead, so that's pretty important."

"Mason, do you really think you can beat me?"

They continued to stalk each other, circling each other, and though she tried to close the distance, he maintained the 40 yard gap between them. She knew she had to pull him in, she knew that she wouldn't win this with her gun, and she knew that she had to do it quickly.

"Oh, I know I can."

"Then why not put those Delta fists where your mouth is, Mason?"

"You really want to fight me? You wouldn't stand a chance!"

"Maybe. This is your chance Mason. C'mon make me call you Sir!"

Mason laughed at her obvious ploy, "Do you think I am a moron, Detective?"

"The thought had crossed my mind."

"Oh really? You don't think I'm clueless to your ruse, do you?"

"Oh, I know you have it puzzled out. But can you really turn down the opportunity to prove me wrong?"

For a moment, Mason Harrison considered his options, "That thought has crossed my mind. You have been a thorn in my side for far too long, Ms. Beckett, and I must admit, the thought is…heavenly."

As Mason smiled at her, she knew she had him, "Then do your best to show me just how much better than me you are!"

Mason Harrison smiled and Kate recognized the moment he fell for her ruse, "I will take pleasure in this opportunity, Ms. Beckett."

"Good. I'd like to see you try."

Mason could not contain his excitement, "Why don't we drop our clips on three?"

Kate smiled back and met his excitement with determination, "I'm all in."

They continued to face each other, both certain in the knowledge that they would drop their clips from their guns and try to tear into each other. Kate needed to end this and Mason wanted to prove his veracity. Oh, he would drop his clip…

"On three. 1…2…3…"

On the count of three, both Kate and Mason dropped their clips and calmly tossed their guns to the side. With that, Kate was about to find out if 'just' Kate would be enough to win the day. Kate calmly removed her coat, Mason did the same, and without so much as a word, they walked towards each other, both fighting for their lives.

The fight started slowly, both circled each other for the first few seconds, but Mason then unleashed a flurry of defined and deft kicks and punches. His technique was phenomenal, his kicks were precise and his punches were utilized to maximum efficiency. Kate was easily able to dance away from them though, and in return, she volleyed. She threw two punches and a kick, but like his attack, hers were parried with ease.

For the first minute of the match, they were even, both unable to breach the other's defenses, but while Mason knew this roof, Kate did not. When she stumbled slightly over a cable that ran across the roof, Mason saw his chance and took it was ease. Mason rushed Kate after she stumbled, his shoulder tackle sent her sprawling across the roof, and before she was able to pick herself back up, Mason threw a kick that connected with her ribs.

Kate recovered quickly, though the wind had been knocked out of her, and she caught the second kick he threw at her side. With her right arm, she brought it down on his right knee with as much force as she could. She felt the tight muscles of his leg tense and try to take the blow, but his scream of agony revealed her success. With all of her strength, Kate grabbed Mason's leg and was able to use his momentum and weight to launch him over her in a leg throw. Mason crashed to the ground and Kate took the moment to recover her breath and ready herself for the next assault.

Mason was up quickly, favoring his right leg, and Kate saw an opportunity. She charged Mason and tried to throw two quick punches aimed at his head, but Mason deflected and then connected with a swift right hook to Kate's jaw. She staggered backwards and felt another quick punch to her stomach, the pain registering immediately. She tried to focus and regain control, but he was on her in a moment.

Mason surged forward and enveloped Kate in a bear hug, he had her arms pinned to her side and her legs swung wildly as his arms squeezed tighter and tighter. Desperate, Kate did the only thing she could think might work, she head-butted Mason and felt his nose break under her forehead. With a scream of pain, Mason released Kate who dropped to the ground as Mason staggered backwards. Fighting through the pain in her side and face, Kate threw an uppercut that connected with Mason's jaw, and as he threw a defensive punch towards her, she grabbed his arm and hip-threw him over her. She held on to his wrist while she did and then rammed her knee forcefully into his side. She heard the delicious sound of his ribs cracking. Thinking that it might finally be over, Kate moved to break Mason's arm. Before she could deliver the final blow however, Mason grabbed a handful of rocks and dirt from the roof and threw the dust cloud into Kate's unsuspecting eyes.

Momentarily blinded and in pain, Kate let go of his wrist and had her legs taken out from underneath her by a swift leg sweep. She could barely see through the dirt and rocks but she felt the two punches which found their mark on her left cheek and stomach. Then, much like Esposito, Mason kicked her as hard as he could in the ribs. She flew off the ground and heard the sickening crack of her ribs as she slammed backwards into a metal box she could only guess was an air conditioning unit. The pain was horrendous, and for a fleeting moment, she thought she had lost.

Then she heard the strangled laughter of the man who stood about eight feet from her, "I told you…I would…win…Detective."

They both were breathing heavily, they were both in pain, but he was the one taunting her through the blood that adorned his face. Kate began to crawl through the pain in her ribs and the cloud which seemed to envelop her from the wounds on her face. She blinked desperately, trying to clear her eyes of the dirt and rocks which had been thrown at her, and with all the strength she had left, she crawled towards her gun, which lay just a few feet from her. The laughter continued…

"Ms. Beckett, your clip is far on the other side of the roof and you have no bullets. What are you going to do, throw your gun at me? Admit it, I have won."

As she reached her gun, Mason stumbled towards her and grabbed Kate's hair pulling her head further from the ground while her hand wrapped around her gun, "Call me, Sir! Call me Sir, you bitch, and I will do you the honor of a quick death!"

With that, he slammed her head to the ground, opening up a wound across her forehead. Kate was dazed but held onto her gun through it all. As Mason stepped back a few feet, Kate did all she could to come to a sitting position against the A/C unit she had been slammed against only moments earlier. "Now…now…Mason…there is no…need for cursing."

"Defiant to the end, Ms. Beckett?"

"Of…of course…." She sputtered.

Mason continued to breathe heavily and he slouched a little from the wound he took in his ribs, "Cute. You know, it's really too bad that I will have to kill you."

Kate's head cleared just enough to ask her question, "Do you remember what I told you in that coffee shop, Mason?"

"Oh sure, my arrogance would be my downfall. I think you may have been mistaken."

"I wasn't." Kate coughed and winced at the pain in her ribs, "And I have proof."

"What's that?"

"How many bullets did I have in my gun?"

"You really think a former member of Delta wouldn't know that? Fifteen, Ms Beckett."

"Wrong, you arrogant asshole."

Mason's shocked look told the story, "I am not wrong, Ms. Beckett. Your clip held fifteen bullets."

Kate breathed deeply and felt the confusion leave her body, "You forgot about the one in the chamber."

Kate lifted her gun towards Mason and saw the fear play across his face. Before he could charge her and before he could end this, Kate took her last shot.

The last bullet left in the chamber screamed from the barrel in a puff of smoke and fire, it tore through Mason's chest and pierced his heart, ripped it apart, and sent his body plunging toward the ground. His knees hit the ground first. Mason Harrison took one last look at Kate before falling face first to the ground in front of her.

Mason Harrison was dead.

**May 14th, 2012-Roosevelt Island**

**BP Building: Heli-Pad**

**11:24 A.M.**

…_**And I'm going to do it…for Castle…**_

As she stared at the lifeless form of the man who had ordered the death of her mother, the pain from her bruised ribs and the blood from her head wound reminded her that this battle wasn't over quite yet. The helicopter was still en route. It would be so easy to give up now, Mason Harrison was dead and her family had achieved what they wanted today. A part of her wanted to give up, to swear to the world and tell it that it could finally have her after it dished out so much torment and emotional agony.

And then she remembered the words of those who loved her. Come home, Kate. Come home!

The words of Esposito, Martha and Rick flowed through her then and squashed her reluctance to fight, her own determination and fierce will rose up through the depths of her heart, and she found the strength she needed buried deep within her soul. She couldn't give up. She wouldn't give up. They made her promise to come home. The people she loved lifted her arm and helped her to crawl across the roof of Building One. She pulled herself with all of her strength towards the clip of her gun, and though she knew it might be futile, she hoped that she could defend her broken and beaten body from the onslaught of Mason Harrison's security personal. Her family continued to lift her arms as she crawled; they whispered to her, encouraged her, and pled with her to fight back. They told her to fight as hard as she could because home was waiting for her. Because they loved her.

Fight, Kate. Fight with every single fiber of your being.

Her fingers and arms burned with the effort and her breath was clearly labored. All she could think was _'get to Castle…find a way home…'_

When she heard the helicopter getting close, she was but a few inches from absolution and with all the strength she had left, she picked up her discarded clip and loaded her gun. If they were going to take her away from her family, if they were going to kill her today, they would have to defeat her and the family which buoyed her strength and will.

She prepared herself as best she could, the helicopter roared closer, and her own strength and determination steeled her to a battle she thought she might be able win.

As the helicopter closed in, what she saw in the distance was nothing short of a shock. That helicopter was blue. As the helicopter flew ever closer, she recognized the insignia on the side door. Relief washed over her. It was NYPD…

When the helicopter landed, six men she recognized from the 12th precinct jumped off the helicopter and swiftly made their way to the door. She was about to call out to them and ask for help when she saw another man get off the helicopter.

The man raced towards her as the other members of SWAT stormed the building to help their team-mates who had kept Mason Harrison's men at bay, "Kate!"

Castle raced towards Kate who fought to sit up, "Rick!"

When he finally reached her, his concern was evident, "You wrote me your first love letter."

Kate smiled and winced at the same time, "I knew you wouldn't stay in the loft today."

Castle fell to one knee and took Kate's face in his hands, "I couldn't. You aren't the only one who would be broken if one of us didn't come home. I had to be here."

"How…how…"

Castle tried to look Kate over, she had bruises on her face and her wince which accompanied every breath she took told him that she probably had injured ribs. The good news was that she wasn't bleeding anymore, the blood had clotted and created a mess in her hair and face, "Kate, the entire precinct is outside. I figured that since the Commissioner had been taken down, it was safe to bring everyone. After what happened at the 12th, did you really think any of those guys would miss this?"

Kate's breath continued to be labored, "No, no I didn't. Castle I…"

Castle kissed Kate on the lips and drew away from her with tears in his eyes, "Don't. Not right now. I love you, Kate. I promised myself that if I could, I would carry you out of hell. And that's what I am going to do."

"Castle, you can't…can't carry me all the way to the ground."

Kate was clearly struggling and needed medical attention, and if he could carry her to elevator, he could take her down to the waiting ambulance's he and the other members of SWAT had called in to help. Castle was fairly certain nothing in this world, not even his physique, could keep him from getting her there, "Maybe not, but I can get you to the elevator. C'mon, we have to get you to an ambulance. What happened here?"

Kate smiled and fought back the moans of pain that yearned to escape, "Later. Right now, let's get out of here. You sure you can get me to the elevator?"

Castle looked over at the dead body of Mason Harrison, "Absolutely. So, it's over?"

Kate couldn't hide the tears anymore, "Yes. It's over. Now…take me home, Castle."

Castle caught her eyes and the conversation they had in those few precious moments spoke volumes, "Always."

Castle leaned down and picked Kate up as gingerly as he could, he could feel the pain which coursed through her body, and he could think of nothing but getting her to the waiting ambulances outside. Mason Harrison was dead and Kate was alive. For Castle, that's all that mattered.

For fourteen years, Kate had lived a double life. Feelings of inadequacy reinforced the notion that Kate wasn't enough, that Kate couldn't solve her mother's murder, and that Kate did nothing but fail. Detective Beckett had taken Kate's place years ago and pushed the world away because it did nothing but exhibit pain and anguish. That mask helped to keep the girl's heart protected and safe after it was shattered when Detective Raglan told them the horrible news. It was a wall that kept her tucked away. And though her existential journey wasn't complete, she had earned a powerful victory today. For Kate, all that mattered was the man who swept her away.

Know thyself, indeed.

**A/N: Alright, there you go. I wrestled with this for weeks, trying to put together the perfect scenario, something both metaphorical and interesting, and I hope I achieved that. **

**I also wanted to say that everything I have mentioned in this story is real, except for the building that houses BP. I couldn't find a complex that met my needs in New York, so that building is made up, though the location actually exists as do the roads. **

**Chapter 12 will cover a couple of things that you might have questions about. We will wrap things up, throw another challenge at the gang that they will either solve or not, and answer some questions that I couldn't pack into this long chapter. I have a great idea for an epilogue, and I will post that sometime next week. **

**As we come to the end, I am reminded of the great support you all have provided. **

**And I thank you. It has been so much fun writing this! See you Sunday!**

**Cheers**

**Jerry **


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own them at all!

A/N: And we come to end our journey. Only an epilogue remains…

Enjoy!

**Life**

_If I could give you one key and one key only to a more abundant life, I would give you a sense of your own worth, an unshakeable sense of your own dignity as one grounded in the source of the cosmic dance, as one who plays a unique part in the unfolding of the story of the world. – Greta Cosby_

If you ever doubt mankind's capacity for unbridled joy, then look no further than those beacons who share a deep and powerful love. That's why love exists. Love is a reminder that for all the turmoil and ugliness our world has to offer, it will never rival or win out over our capacity as human beings to forgive, to cherish, and to embrace our own better angels. For it is when we embrace humanity, when we believe in the humanism of the world, that we begin to fully understand the deeper meaning of life itself and achieve some small measure of victory.

Our politics are divided, conservative and liberal are dirty words, and we sometimes look at the world as if only tragedy and discourse rule the day. Our goal should never be to divide, the world should never force us to embrace the darkest embers of an unquenchable flame, and it should never cause us to despair. There is no question that evil exists, that the worst of humanity can truly be horrifying, and yet, we should not question that belief and love and sacrifice are more powerful swords than the arrows evil deploys.

In the end, that's how Kate Beckett, Richard Castle, and their family won the day. They embraced their humanity and Mason Harrison did not. It may seem cliché, it may seem trite and banal, but the love and passion of this family, the belief they had in each other, and the love they embraced were the weapons of war which won them a joyous victory. They are the beacons. They are our hope.

They are a family.

And this was their story from the beginning. We are all stained glass windows.

Remember?

**May 15th, 2012-New York City**

**Good Samaritan Trauma Center**

**11:14 A.M.**

Castle poked his head into Kate's room and peered around the door to see his patient, "Hey."

Apparently, Kate was cranky, "Get in here, Castle."

"Yes ma'am. Geez, bossy today aren't we?"

"I want to go home!"

"Kate, it was only for a night."

"Then trade places with me."

"You know I would."

"You are an infuriating man."

"It took you this long to figure that out? I'm a little disappointed, actually."

"Are you really going to joke with me?"

Castle moved further into the room and pulled a chair up to Kate's bed, "Of course I am. What else would I do?"

"Anything else? Yeah, anything else would be good."

"You know, if I didn't know better, I would say that Kate Beckett is afraid of hospitals!"

"Castle, I am not scared of hospitals even with their horrid smell, clinical walls, uncomfortable beds and…and…nurses that scare the fuck out of me."

"The nurse?"

"She's scary, alright! She came in at least six times last night and kept looking at me like I was next on the menu. Like she wanted to eat me…"

"So let me get this straight—you can take down 6'4" suspects in high heels but Nurse Ratchet scares you?"

"I didn't have my gun, Castle."

"Uh huh. Someone has a fascination with Peanuts."

"Peanuts?" 

"Capital 'P' Peanuts. You know, Snoopy, Linus, Charlie Brown…"

"How in the world does that make any sense?"

"Hey, Linus. You carry that gun around like a blue blanket."

"Does that mean you are Sally?"

"Nope. Linus eventually fell out of love with Sally, so the metaphor won't work here."

"You got that right…"

"Speaking of Lanie, she wants to come see you and I just got out of Esposito's room. He is going to be fine."

"Yeah, they told me the plate and the screws would keep him from limping. He lost a lot of blood, Castle."

"I know. They transfused two units during surgery, but Kate, he is going to be alright."

"Good."

"So how are you feeling this morning?"

"I'm good."

"…"

Kate sighed in frustration, "Alright, I hurt a little. My ribs are killing me and I don't even want to look at the bruises on my face."

"Trust me, Kate. Only you could make bruises look sexy."

"That's a little dark and twisted, Castle."

"I think that makes me the Tin-Man."

"The Tin-Man?"

"Have you read Baum's original novel?"

"I can't stand _The Wizard of Oz_."

"What?"

"Dorothy is just so passive and weak."

"Wow, another layer. Though, to be fair, it was the 1930's."

"Who cares?"

"Let me guess, you hated Cinderella too?"

"Absolutely. I always wanted to be the Prince."

"Alright then, no _Wizard of Oz_."

"Yep, so don't ever expect me to sit down and watch it at Thanksgiving."

"As long as you are there, I wouldn't care."

Kate smirked but turned her attention back to the convoluted story Castle wanted to weave, "So what about the Tin-Man is dark and twisted?"

"He was history's first masochist. He chopped his own arms and legs off and simultaneously replaced them with tin. He just forgot his heart."

"That IS dark and twisted."

"A theme for which we are well acquainted."

As Castle took Kate's hand in his, the mood of the room descended with the weight of past events. Kate knew she needed to be honest with Castle, and though she had found it to be much easier than she thought before, she understood that it was a character flaw that she still needed to work on. "Castle, I…"

"No matter what you say, I'm going to forgive you."

"Would you just shut-up for a second?"

"Only if I can get into bed with you." 

Kate smiled at his obvious eagerness. He just wanted to be close to her, he wanted to hold her and make sure she was real, and if she were honest, after everything, she felt the same. He would have to be careful because of her bruised ribs and he would have to scrunch in to the little space of the small hospital bed, but Kate was certain that wouldn't matter.

She smiled, reached out her hand and scooted over in the bed as far as she could, "Of course."

Castle smiled that dorky smile that spoke to his love for her, "Alright, shutting up."

Of course, she still had to tease him a little, "You know if you say it, you aren't succeeding."

"Alright, Ms. Technicality."

"Castle…"

"…"

Kate took a quick breath, winced from the pain in chest, and pushed forward, "I…I'm sorry. About the letter. About leaving you behind."

Kate's eyes watered at the memory of that horrible dream and looked into Castle's eyes as he lay with her, his arm around her head as she turned gingerly to lay on his chest, "That nightmare I had…it…I saw you die from a gunshot wound to the chest. I buried you. I just…I couldn't do it."

Castle understood the pain she felt, for it was the same for him, "I forgive you. Of course, I forgive you. And just so you know, your fear was mine. We share more than you think, Kate."

They looked at each other, both confident that they understood, "I know we do."

"If my divorces taught me anything, it's that you have to find that person who walks the same path. My greatest mistake with both Meredith and Gina was that we were never able to find a rhythm we both could dance too. If I want to avoid those mistakes, then I know we have to walk this path together. No more secrets, no more leaving the other behind. Equals in life and in death."

"You know I'm not good at this."

"I know. The only way to get good at something though is to try. I know you can't fail if you don't try, but you can't succeed either. And I'll always bet on you."

"Ditto."

"So, do you want to tell me what happened on that roof?"

"Only if you show me yours."

"How very naughty."

"Oh good grief, Charlie Brown."

"Now that I think about it, you are probably more Lucy than Linus. You always did pull the football away as I tried to kick it."

Kate laughed a teary chuckle and playfully slapped Castle's chest, "I don't think I denied you much these past weeks, Castle."

"No, you didn't."

"Yeah, you better be smiling."

"Oh, I am."

"Uh huh. You know, you saved me on top of that roof."

"What do you mean?"

As Kate went through what happened on the roof from the moment she left Ryan and Esposito in Mason's office, Castle simply nodded along and listened intently to the story she wove. He was livid and thankful, frightened and relieved, and as the emotions flew through him, even though he knew the ending, it still tore at his heart.

"I think I want to kill Mason Harrison again."

"I don't. I'm just glad it's over."

"Me too. When I was in the helicopter, all I could think of was getting to you."

"How in the world did you end up on that roof?"

"Well, it was easier than I thought it would be. First, I basically told the truth. I told the two officers you placed outside my door what you were doing, and they couldn't wait to get to BP and help because of the bombing. That part was easy."

"And the part that wasn't?"

"Well, did you hear about the high-speed chase that occurred on the L.I.E around 9:30?"

"Vaguely, I was kinda busy at the moment."

"Well, the helicopter that was scrambled to assist landed with time to spare. I didn't really know what to do by the time I got out of the loft, so I went to the 12th and called Ryan. Apparently he was already in the camera room, so I basically got Karapowski to call in more ambulances. She arranged for me to get to the helicopter and take SWAT team 3 so we could help. When we were in the air, the hard part was finding Mason's chopper and ordering it down. By the way, if anyone asks, I am a junior member of the National Guard."

"Oh God…"

"Yep, hey is impersonating a military officer a federal offense?"

Kate was incredulous, "Yes!"

"Well, it was for a good cause…"

"Yeah, I think we will let it slide just this once."

"In the end, we got them to land at Mt. Sinai and we had some officers of the 12th meet them there. You know the rest."

"Wow, Castle. We really do need to get you that Junior Detective Badge."

"Really?" 

"No!"

"Buzz-kill."

Kate had one final query that she had to know, "Do we have a final body count yet?"

"Um…yeah…4 SWAT officers wounded, 8 members of Mason's security force are dead, and 8 more wounded. Fortunately, there were no more NYPD deaths, though Williams will have to retire."

"At least they are alive…"

"Kate, after the bombing, not one of those officers would rather have been anywhere else."

"I know."

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Captain Gates stepped through the door and met her lead detective.

"Hello, Detective Beckett. How are you feeling?"

"Better. It still hurts but it's getting better."

Captain Gates looked towards Rick who was still in the bed with Kate and made no move to get up, "Uh huh. Mr. Castle."

Rick nodded, "Captain."

"Well, I won't keep you. It seems you are both busy at the moment."

Was that a smile and a joke from Captain Iron Gates? They really had changed the world…

"What can I do for you, Sir?"

"Well, as per SOP in the case of an officer involved shooting, especially one such as this and with the press hounding us at every move, the decision has been made…" Captain Gates grimaced as she spoke her next words. "To suspend you until the investigation into the shooting is complete."

Castle and Beckett were in shock but it was Captain Gates who spoke first, "I'm certain that you will be vindicated, Detective Beckett. Let's make that clear."

Though she expected to be angry at SOP and the cowards in the NYPD who wanted nothing more than to cover their own ass, Kate simply smiled at her Captain. Together, they had come a long way, and as it stood, the mutual respect between them forced Kate to see just how difficult this was for her captain.

Her captain. Huh…

"It's alright, Sir. I understand."

Captain Gates smile was reserved but hopeful, "I already collected both your gun and your badge, Detective."

Kate held up a hand, "Please, Sir. Call me Kate. I'm not a detective anymore."

Captain Gates smiled once again, "Not if I have anything to say about it."

Kate's captain walked forward and shook her hand, "Mr. Castle. Keep her out of trouble for the next few days, understood?"

It was Castle's turn to smile, "Yes, Sir. By the way, Rick is fine with me."

Gates shook his hand and looked him over, "Victoria."

They said their goodbyes as Victoria left to check on her other detective. The mood in the room wasn't as solemn as Castle thought it would be and Kate's face didn't feature a clue as to how she really took the news.

"Are you okay?"

"Actually, I am. I don't know who I am without that badge, but maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it's time I figured that out."

Castle smiled and held Kate just a little tighter, mindful of the pain in her ribs, "There's my Scarecrow."

**May 17th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**5:53 P.M.**

As _The Thin Man_ solved a murder in Castle's blu-ray player, Alexis sat with Martha in the recliner and Kate snoozed next to Rick on the couch. It had been a joyful respite from the drama of the past weeks, they had talked and laughed together, and later they expected the gang, minus Esposito who was still in the hospital, to join them. Even Jim Beckett would be there, though this wouldn't be the first time Mr. Beckett had seen Kate since everything had transpired. When Kate was released on the 15th, Kate and her father had spent the night together at Johanna's grave, they reveled in their mother and wife, and allowed fourteen years of grief to finally lay itself to rest. For Jim Beckett, he not only had justice for his slain wife, but also a daughter whose heart had returned to its once magnificent glory. The murder of his wife and subsequent alcoholism had taken so much from this family, but now, the promise of a new day lifted Jim to a place he never expected.

The knock at the door startled them from the chemistry of William Powell and Myrna Loy, but Alexis was up before anyone else to get the door. When she re-entered the living room, her puzzled look preceded the man in the black suit.

Alexis spoke directly to Kate, "This is Mr. Ryan from the FBI. He's here to see you, Kate."

Kate was startled once more and wondered why the FBI needed her, "Uh, alright."

"Hello, Ms. Beckett. I'm sorry to disturb you but could I have a minute alone?"

Kate looked at Castle as he shrugged his shoulders and pointed to his office, "Sure. Let's go into the office."

The man followed Kate without a word, "What is that about, Richard?"

Richard turned towards his mother and then back to the retreating forms entering his office, "I have no idea."

_20 minutes later…_

"Thank you, Mr. Ryan. I'll let you know."

As Mark Ryan left the loft, Kate returned to the living room and snuggled up to Rick on the couch, "Well, that was interesting."

Castle looked at the woman he loved, "What was that about?"

"The President has initiated a task force that will investigate corruption in Washington D.C. related to Mason Harrison in the hopes that they can take down the informants and corrupted leaders that took money from BP. Since I know the case better than anyone, they offered me a job."

Martha was flabbergasted, "I didn't know you were unemployed, dear."

Kate shrugged, "Well, I guess I am. Captain Gates told me that it was temporary, but I guess these things could go either way."

Castle's concern was evident, "What does the job entail?"

"Well, I would help run the task force with Mr. Ryan and help put together cases against dirty politicians and the elite of Washington that were touched by Mason Harrison."

Castle's curiosity was piqued, "What did you tell them?"

"I told them that the only way I would even consider it is if I had my team with me, including Lanie and you. When he agreed to that, I told him I'd have to think about it and that I would get back to him."

Though he had proven himself countless times before, the ease and certainty which Kate exhibited by firmly placing him as a member of her team filled his heart and lifted his spirit. This incredible woman…

Castle felt his support rising, "So, what do you want to do?"

Kate looked up at him from her perch against his chest and then looked down, "I don't really know. It's a great opportunity but there is a part of me that wants nothing more than to be done with this case. I don't think I knew who I was until he offered me that job, but I think I finally figured it out. I want to be a member of the NYPD, I want to be a detective, and I want to do all of that…with you."

As Kate looked back towards Rick, he saw the want in her eyes, "I want that as well."

Alexis spoke up from across the room, "We want you here too, Kate."

Kate and Alexis shared a smile that spoke to their repaired relationship. It was a relationship that had been fractured, mostly because of their love for Rick, but it was one well on the mend. Alexis had welcomed Kate into the loft, especially after the letter, and they had begun to rebuild a friendship that was deeply important to everyone in the loft.

Kate turned a little red at that one, "Thank you, Alexis."

Rick laughed, "Huh, you know it's funny how the color of your face can match my daughter's hair!"

Oh, he was so getting it for that one!

**May 28th, 2012-New York City**

**Castle's Loft**

**9:37 A.M.**

In the eleven days since the visit of Special Agent Mark Ryan, the lives of this special and unique family had slowly begun to return to normal. The press was still buzzing about the death of Mason Harrison and the implications of the special panel convened by the President of the United States, they constantly circled around the gang, especially Kate and Rick, and as expected, Kate and Rick's relationship had become part of the ether.

Esposito was released to the care of a very grateful Lanie on the 19th, and after a hearing that was a mere formality, according to a grateful Mayor whose poll numbers had surged, Kate had been cleared in the investigation. She would receive a formal reprimand for dropping her clip on that roof however, and though it did not sit well with the members of the 12th, Kate accepted her punishment for the violation of the NYPD's SOP. In the process, as a family and after a lengthy discussion with the people she loved, Kate decided to turn down the offer from the FBI. The decision had been unanimous.

In the meantime, the mayor and Captain Gates had seen to it that every member of Kate's team, including Lanie, would receive paid vacation that lasted until June 6th from a grateful city for a job well done. Not one to be outdone, Castle had invited the entire gang, including Captain Gates, to his estate in the Hamptons for a week of relaxation and fun. Everyone had accepted except Captain Gates, but she promised she would make an appearance if she could get away from the new precinct.

That's where Kate and Rick stood this breezy Monday morning two weeks to the day Mason Harrison had died, together in the loft and packing for a trip with their family.

"You know, at some point, I should probably go back to my apartment. I can't imagine the dust or the bio-hazard my refrigerator has become."

Castle smiled at Kate who stood leaning against the door frame of his office, "Maybe after the trip, Kate."

When she first began staying at the loft, it was a necessity because of Ben Jenkins and Jordan Campbell, but since then, she hadn't felt the need to go home. Thus, she had stayed at the loft with Rick, occasionally trekking to her apartment for no longer than 20 minutes to gather clothes and personal items she might need.

"You don't think the food in my refrigerator is going to grow legs and try to escape to some magical food land?"

"Magical food land?"

"Hey, you are the story-teller in this relationship. I just read them!"

Kate made her way into the office and wrapped her arms around Rick, "Well, you do inspire a great deal of creativity, Muse."

"I can still break your legs, you know."

"I could take you."

"Yeah, out to lunch maybe!"

"Those self-defense classes have really paid off, actually. I could hold my own, Katie-bug."

Instantly, Kate released Rick, "What did you call me?"

It was a response equal parts mischievous and anger-filled. Rick decided, for his health, to be funny, "Lanie tells so many of the best stories!"

"I am going to kill her!" 

"After you are her maid of honor, of course."

"Maybe. What did she tell you?"

"Oh, she might have let slip the events of a hotel room in Panama City, circa 2005."

"Oh my God…"

Rick couldn't hold back his laugh nor his want to touch Kate, "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Besides, I have no secrets and neither should you."

"You don't think that will ruin the magic?"

"I thought you didn't believe in magic?"

"I don't. I do believe in something though."

"What's that?"

"Us."

Rick was shocked as his arms snaked around her back, "Katherine Beckett, I never thought I'd see the day you would be as sappy as I am."

Kate laughed and rested her head on his chest, "Yeah well, you bring it out in me. But if I ever hear that nick-name again, there will be casualties!"

Rick returned her laugh, "Alright, fair enough. By the way, I have something for you before we go."

"Yeah?"

"Hang on a second, alright?"

Kate released Rick and he dashed behind his desk in his study to gather a small rectangular box, "I think, in no small way, I've wanted to give this to you for the longest of times."

Kate looked on in wonder, "What is it?"

Rick placed the small black box in her hand, "Now, I know you said two whole months, but I'm not sure I can wait that long to start my life with you."

Rick opened the box to reveal a key to the loft, "Move in with me?"

Kate wasn't shocked per se. In all actuality, the transition had been much less painful than she ever dreamed it could be but this was a giant step to take after only a month.

Rick smiled at her hesitation, "Kate, we haven't been dating for a month, we've been in a relationship for four years. I don't think it's too soon, I think this is long past due. C'mon, I'll buy you the complete Peanuts collection on blu-ray. No girl can say no to that!"

Kate laughed and felt the hesitation melt away. He was correct, of course. They had been in a relationship for much longer than a month, they just hadn't been smart enough or whole enough to realize the truth standing in front of them. She had her doubts though, she still had that fear somewhere deep down that occasionally bubbled to the surface, but nothing in the world felt like this. Like this moment, with him.

She had fought to make it home to him while she was on that roof. Now, standing in the soft light of a Manhattan dusk, it felt so right to call this home. And so with a giant smile and a promise of a wonderful future, Kate Beckett seized the fruits of her hard-fought victory, "Well, if no girl can say no to that, then I guess I'll just have to say yes."

Rick smiled and enveloped her in a crushing hug, "I love you!"

Kate laughed at the moment, "I love you too, Kitten."

"Hey!"

"That's for Katie-bug."

Rick laughed, "Alright, alright. I won't ever call you Katie-bug if you never call me kitten?"

"Deal."

Rick leaned down and captured Kate's lips in a deep and passionate kiss. When they both needed air, they pulled apart, "We are moving in together!"

"I already knew that."

"We are going to the Hamptons together."

"Knew that too…"

"Kate, this is the start of our last great adventure."

Here in the loft, amongst the words that kept her from the abyss, and in the arms of the man she loved, Kate Beckett not only looked forward to the adventure but embraced it for the wild and magical ride only Richard Castle could promise.

Her life was finally hers.

"I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather embark upon this adventure with, than you."

**A/N: Alright, there you go. It is finally finished! An epilogue will follow sometime this week, and I have a great idea for it. Hopefully, I can get it up sooner rather than later. **

**I hope that wrapped everything up nicely, I tried to tie every loose string together, and hopefully I succeeded in that. **

**I must say that this has been such a wonderful writing experience because of your support. So, thank you all so much, once more. **

**I'll see you again for the epilogue.**

**Cheers!**


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Again, I don't own them. I just have an imagination and something to say.

Alright, here we go, the epilogue to Stained Glass Windows. Sorry it took so long, I struggled with this more than I care to admit, mainly because I couldn't commit to what I wanted to say. Originally, this epilogue was much different, but it evolved as I did.

I hope you enjoy my final foray into this story.

**Epilogue-A Thousand Days**

**The Future-New York City**

**The Loft**

**6:32 P.M**

She stood at the window of their loft and stared out at the expanse of New York City, marveling at the granite streets, the cleaning bots, and the hovering cars which drifted aimlessly down a sun drenched road. As she stood there, she was struck with the strangest sense of déjà-vu, a feeling as though she had once done this same thing only long ago. As she searched her own memories, clarity found her most un-expectantly, for that first night in the loft with Rick those many years ago that had meant so much was the harbinger of her ever changing matrix. That night, Kate placed her mother's case in the past, a beacon of a life unworthy of her only to have the specter of Mason Harrison whisper his evil into world, and yet, it was also the first night she spent in the loft together with the man she loved. It's interesting how life always seems to come full circle; how both the most wonderful and painful moments can rise from the same ashes, how it always seems to conjure memories of actions long past, how it can force us to look back and wonder, and in the end, how it can reveal to us, in sharp detail, the moments of our lives that matter the most.

Over a lifetime, Kate had come to discover one important thing. Life isn't measured in minutes, days or even years. It is measured in moments. The moments that define us, that challenge us, that break us and that lift us higher. Time is just the tool we use to keep track of the pieces of our lives. Ultimately, if your life consists of enough moments, if your life is comprised of those special times when happiness breaks through the despair and agony, then life can be a magical journey.

When Rick walked into the loft, he was struck with the momentous turn of the past few days. As one, Rick and Kate had lived lives that made a difference and provided him purpose. Since the day they were together, the woven tapestry of his life projected the color of the love and sacrifice they shared. What he realized early on was that life was death's partner, the two inexorably linked just as he and Kate, and when they faced death, their link had brightly shown a path through the darkness. His purpose, like that of any relationship, was to show her that death was worth a life of love and joy, and her purpose was to show him the road he sought towards redemption and meaning.

When he saw her at the window, he was struck with the strangest sense of déjà-vu, "Kate?"

She didn't turn, her knowledge of his presence the product of a connection that only grew as time passed, "Hey old man."

She had taken to calling him that when the grey overwhelmed him, "You know how much I love it when you say that."

He walked up behind her and wrapped his loving arms around her stomach, "Oh, I know you do, but you love me, so you will indulge."

"Of course."

"Everything is ready?"

"Yeah, everything is planned and ready to go. You did most of the work, though."

She sighed and continued to look out the window. Even after all this time, she was still a mystery, and in this light, he couldn't be sure what he saw play across her face. "I tried to get everything ready but…"

"It's alright, Kate. Nobody is good at this."

A tear escaped her eye and snaked a salty path down her older and wrinkled face. "Rick, am I a good person?"

Rick looked down at his wife of thirty years and finally understood the internal struggle she faced, "Of course. Of course you are a good person, Kate."

"I just…I just wonder whether…"

Rick caught on quickly, "Whether you have lived the life he would have wanted?"

"Whether I lived the life they deserved. My mom…my dad…did…did I make them proud? Did I honor their memory?"

"I know they were both so proud of the life you built. I'm not really sure you had to honor them, but yes, I…I think you did."

She turned in his arms and laid her head on his chest, "How do you know that?"

He looked down at his wife and smiled, "Let me show you."

Slowly Rick backed away from his wife and took her hand. He led her into Emma's old room and there he showed her the moments that made her the best person he had ever known. On the wall was a mural, painted by her grand daughter Emily that was only finished yesterday as their anniversary gift:

_**11,120 Days**_

_11,120 days since they first kissed, for real, in the study of the loft._

_10,751 days since they were married on the beaches of the Hamptons. Everyone who mattered was there, it was a joyous occasion._

_10,123 days since they found out their family would grow in number. _

_9,921 days since Emma Rose Rodgers-Beckett was born._

_9,723 days since the score was tied at 12. _

_9,722 days since they were separated._

_9,714 days since they were rejoined. _

_9,698 days since the investigation into Mason Harrison was finally closed. At the time of the close, three United States Senators and six United States Congressmen were indicted for corruption, along with thirty-two of the most powerful people in New England. _

_9,687 days since they found out their family would once again grow in number._

_9,484 days since they were blessed with Charles Alexander Rodgers-Beckett_

_9,123 days since he published the last Nikki Heat novel._

_8,846 days since she was promoted. _

_8,821 days since he started a new set of novels based on Alexis. _

_8,820 days since Alexis graduated from Columbia with a degree in law. _

_8,780 days since Alexis was accepted into Duke Law School._

_8,243 days since they nearly lost Emma._

_8,186 days since Rick decided to run for mayor._

_8,185 days since Rick's last day at the precinct._

_7,934 days since Rick became the Mayor of New York City. _

_7,674 days since the attempt on Rick's life that nearly succeeded. _

_7,456 days since Jim Beckett married Evelyn Masters. _

_7,123 days since the family lost Martha to cancer of the liver. _

_6,819 days since Alexis became the Assistant District Attorney of New York City._

_6,567 days since Alexis married Austin Williams._

_6,234 days since their first grand-child, Emily, was welcomed into the world. _

_6,078 days since Alexis was divorced. _

_5,873 days since Alexis became the acting District Attorney of New York City._

_5,134 days since Alexis officially became the District Attorney of New York City._

_5,014 days since Rick's last day as Mayor of New York City._

_4,872 days since Kate was chosen to replace a retiring police commissioner. _

_4,534 days since this family buried Captain Javier Esposito._

_4,087 days since Kate retired from the NYPD._

_3,765 days since Rick wrote his last book based on an intrepid lawyer named Alexis Williams._

_3,546 days since Rick began to write a new set of novels based on a crime-solving piano prodigy._

_3,351 days since Emma graduated from high school and was accepted at the Juilliard School of Music to pursue her love of the piano._

_2,914 days since Charles graduated from high school and was accepted at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology to study mathematics and economics._

_2,541 days since Rick's heart attack nearly took him from the family._

_2,214 days since Kate retired from her position as Executor of the Johanna Beckett Scholarship Foundation._

_2,013 days since Kate began to write her own set of detective novels in the vein of Sherlock Holmes. _

_1,546 days since Alexis left New York to work at the Southern Poverty Law Center._

_945 days since Rick wrote his last book. _

_944 days since Kate released the last of her detective trilogy._

_534 days since the accident._

_504 days since they finally left the hospital together._

_134 days since they discovered her father's lung cancer. _

_130 days since her father gave her the letter he told her to open when he passed away._

_And 1 day since her father, my great-grandfather, took his last breath, with a whisper of love and devotion, at the age of 93._

_They made the moments count. And so will we…_

The mural took up the entire south wall and was adorned with drawings for each moment that spoke of their lives together. It told their story is vivid detail. Their fourteen year old grand-daughter was quite the artist, "It's beautiful."

"It's also how I know you are a good person. You made the moments count, and I could never be more grateful."

Kate leaned into Rick and allowed him to envelop her, "We both did, Rick."

Rick smiled and held her close, "You made it easier."

Kate smiled but her thoughts turned to her father, "I don't know how I am going to get through tomorrow."

"You will do it with the same fierce determination and stoicism that you employed to face down the worst and bring them to their knees. And I will be by your side…"

Kate allowed another tear to stream down her face and turned to her husband of over 30 years, "As you always have."

_Later that night…_

Of the many nights they had spent together, few had kept him up like this. They weren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination but they had a rule. Do not go to bed angry and do not fail to say 'I love you'. It was a rule she had reluctantly agreed to, even if cliché, but one that had brought them joy and peace for over 30 years.

Of course, they still avoided things…

They were in bed together later that night when Rick reached over to his nightstand and pulled a letter from the drawer, "Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you forget about the letter?"

She sat up a little in bed and looked at the letter Rick passed to her, "No…it's just…with everything…"

Rick smiled in understanding and placed his arms around his wife, "Why don't you read it, baby?"

She looked into his eyes and grabbed his hand that was around her stomach for the support she both needed and knew he would provide. He held her close, and though she was apprehensive about this letter, she knew she couldn't hide from it. She wasn't even sure why she wanted too…

Kate slowly took the letter from Rick and opened it:

_Katie_

_When I first got the diagnosis, I wasn't scared. We should only fear death when we haven't had enough life, and for the last thirty years, I gulped it down. I did that because of you, and though I am so very sorry that I have left you, I can't help but think it's alright._

_When Johanna died, I slipped to a place only few could fathom or reach. It was an abyss, a cave of my own making, a giant hole that I dug with a shovel born of past mistakes and weakness, and yet, all I remember from that time in my life was the ever present constant in my life. You. I don't remember the alcohol, I remember you. I was so grateful then, and I'm not sure I can express how grateful I am now. You brought me back. You forced me to face my own demons. I could never thank you enough._

_As our lives went forward, I finally realized that while I may have lost Johanna, I always had you. When you and Rick began this magical ride you embarked upon, I saw the life and the passion with which you met life. By doing so, you both inspired me to truly live once more, and for many years, I finally embraced a life I never thought I could. _

_As I come to the end of my life, I am reminded that a father's primary purpose is to see his daughter achieve a life touched by the wonder and majesty of this world. And I succeeded. Somewhere along the way though, you became my hope, my inspiration. You forced me to live. _

_And now I must return the favor._

_I must ask one final thing of you, Katherine. Please do not mourn my death, do not allow death to taint this life you have created, and if at all possible, revel in the joy that I felt because you were brave enough to allow others into your life. If you must, celebrate my life, and know beyond a shadow of doubt that I died a happy and fulfilled man. _

_Death is not the end, Katie. It's not the worst possible ending to a wonderful tale. Death is simply another twist on this road we follow. For you, the road stretches out much further than mine, it is a road full of love and unbridled joy, and if you ever understood my meaning, please now understand me when I say that I want you to embrace those moments that you have created. And have yet to create. _

_Do not waste a moment. Not one single moment, as I did those many years ago. Learn that one lesson from me, Katie. _

_Learn the urgency of life. _

_I love you so much, baby girl. You and Johanna made life worth living. _

_Thank you._

_Now, go and embrace the years you have left. Live them for Johanna. Live them for me. _

_But mostly, live them…for you._

_With all my love_

_Dad_

Kate finished reading the letter and did not fight the tears which tore down her face, threatening to quench a fire deep within. She sobbed for her father, and as she fell, as he always had, Rick was there to hold her up, to catch her, and allow her heart to beat back the grief. As it had done so many times before.

She looked into the green eyes of her husband and found solace in the same place she had for over thirty years. Tomorrow was another day she would cherish, as she had the 11,200 that had come before, and though she would be burying her father, she understood the great power of the joy they had brought each other.

As the night passed, she cried in his chest for her father, she laughed at Rick's tales of her father's life, and later, when she was ready, she would celebrate his life and the moments he had created.

But more than that, she would live. As she had for thirty years. In memory of all those who touched her and made her a better person. In memory of the man she called father and the woman she called mother.

Her heart had conquered her darkness, had won out over the guilt, and the trials of a once tragic life. For Kate Beckett, when the grief collided with her powerful heart, when the agony of tragedy threatened to destroy her, she fought back with the most powerful muscle in the human body. Her heart. Her light from within.

She was a stained glass window.

As we all are.

And now that you know, it's your turn to shine.

**A/N: There you go. It's done! What did you think? **

**One final thing. If you take anything from this story, please hold in your hands the idea that life is much more powerful than death. Live it. Embrace it. And do yourselves worthy of this gift. Live. **

**That is my plea to you.**

**I just wanted to say, thank you all once again. Your support has been amazing! Cheers everyone!**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: They are AM's characters. Except the ones I made up…

A/N: So, apparently this story was nominated for a Castle Fan Award, and being that I think that is wonderful, I thought I would write this as a thank you. Plus, I always had the notion to pay off something in chapter 2. Oh and the dates are important! Enjoy.

**Epilogue-Part 2  
>On Golden Streets<strong>

"Tell me not, in mournful numbers, life is but an empty dream! For the soul is dead that slumbers, and things are not what they seem. Life is real! Life is earnest!And the grave is not its goal; Dust thou art, to dust returnest, was not spoken of the soul." – Longfellow, _A Psalm of Life_

**The Richard Castle Building- New York City**

**January 7th, 2062**

**9:07 A.M**

In 50 years, the only major change to the hallway which led to her parent's home were the holographic paintings which now shown on the walls. Emma walked slowly down the hall and marveled at the ambiance that still managed to surprise her when she returned home. Cars flew by the window, the sun shone brightly down the hallway, and at the door, waiting for her, was her brother Charles. Her lovely, wonderful, intelligent, and snarky younger brother, the namesake of Dickens, stood just outside of this magnificent place they all called home. Though they each maintained a different address, this was their home.

This place of love, sacrifice, and honor. This place of life.

This place of death.

Emma smiled and walked purposefully towards her brother, "Bro."

Chuck smirked, as usual, "Sis." 

They hugged each other hard, allowing themselves to sink into the warmth and love each offered the other, and when the finally broke, Emma kept her hand on Charles arm. He was her anchor in this most trying of times, he was her rock, and just as they had been for each other over 40 years of marriage, brother and sister stood united and together.

Emma smiled up at her taller brother, whose slight wisps' of grey hair proved no match for his bright and shining blue eyes, and noticed how casual and comfortable he was in his own skin. He returned her smile in kind and placed his hand on top of hers, "You know, our father was a best-selling author, our mother loved the logic of a well sought case, and our sister-in-law was one of the finest lawyers of the 21st century. You'd think we could come up with better nicknames."

Charles smile lit the sun-drenched hallway, "Em was never good enough for you."

Emma's gaze shifted down shyly, "Em is easy. It's a letter in the alphabet."

"And Chuck is rocket science?"

"That idiom doesn't have the same punch it once had…"

"Yeah…who would have thought we would terra-form Mars?"

"Any number of video games or superhero stories." 

Charles gave his patented eye-brow raise, one he swore he didn't steal from his father, though everyone knew he was his father's son, "Brett is partial to that new superhero, The Badge."

Emma lit up at the mention of her and her daughter's favorite superhero and followed Charles into the loft, "Oh, I love her. She is so strong and full of heart. Reminds so much of…"

Charles turned and looked at his sister, the pain beginning to win out a little over the joy of seeing her once more, "Yeah, me too." 

Emma smiled and continued, "I love you brother."

"Oh dear, sweet sister, I love you too."

Emma sighed quietly, taking in this feeling, and took his hand in her's, "So, how's mom?"

Charles paused for a moment before sighing and allowing his gaze to find his sisters. Softly, almost in a whisper, Charles spoke the words he never wanted to, "It's time."

Emma felt herself break just a little, "It's….it's time…"

As they made their way to the back bedroom, Charles wrapped his arm around Emma's shoulders, and gave her the comfort she needed, "I'm so sorry sis."

Emma wrapped her arms around Charles slender stomach, placed her head on his shoulder and continued to trek back towards the bedroom, "I knew it was close, I just…"

"Wanted more time…"

"You always knew me better than I knew myself bro."

"Sis, we all want more time. Always. But…"

"I know. I do. I'm just…"

"Not ready to let her go."

"Dad was so hard…"

"Mom will be the same…"

"Yeah." 

"For both of us…"

When they reached the door, Emma paused, "I hate death."

Charles looked up at her and leaned against the door sill, "I'm not too fond of it either."

Emma matched his movement against the other side, "Do you think she will meet dad someday?"

"I don't know. I know that I hope so. I never thought we would explore the universe as we have, I never thought the universe would be full of benevolent aliens, and I never once thought that those old Star Trek shows would be a primer to our new reality. And yet, yesterday I watched on live television as the first inter-galactic peace treaty was signed on Hercules. There is so much that we don't know."

"I think that's our purpose as human beings, bro. We are meant to explore, to discover, and to understand that the answer will only lead to grander and grander questions."

Charles smiled brightly, "My big sister, always the optimist." 

Emma followed suit, "My little brother, always following my lead."

"Hey!"

"Hey, what?" 

"I'm pretty sure a doctorate degree in mathematics and astronomy is the very definition of my own path."

Playfully, Emma leaned forward and took Charles cheek between her fingers and squeezed gently, "You're so cute when you are indignant."

"Yeah, yeah. And you are simply repugnant when you are smug!"

"If I were 30 years younger, I'd kick your ass."

Charles smirked again, "Nearly 50 years old and you still can't watch that potty mouth."

"Watch it buster, I still have a mean left hook."

"And my jaw thanks you for your control."

"Tell your jaw that it is welcome."

"Smart-ass." 

"Now who has the potty mouth?"

"How about wee cheeky bastard? Is that better?"

Emma looked down and smiled her at her sarcastic and witty brother, "Not as much as you might think."

"I learned from the best."

Emma sighed once more and knew that they had more important things to do, "We should get in there."

Charles smiled once more, "Everyone is waiting. Lead the way Em."

As they entered the bedroom of the loft together, they noticed immediately an air that seemed to permeate the room. It was solemn and happy, a joyous mix of a life lived and one on the brink, and while every milled about, the attention of the room was solely focused on the person in the middle of the bed.

She lay in the bed underneath the lilac comforter, lithe and slender, elegant and listless, and yet, there was still life visible in her eyes. There in the deep color of old eyes was the passion and desire that had formed a wonderful life from its own tragic beginnings. She was a testament, a pillar to the ideal that one's life is yours to do with what we want, and though it may begin in tragedy, it is what you choose to make of that life that matters. She was proof that tragedy did not have to define and guide our lives. Her husband had shown her the way, and through years of toil and struggle, she had forged the life she always desired.

They were the shining example for the family, this family that had grown into children, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, both of blood and not, and as each stood in the room, all eyes fell on brother and sister.

Son and daughter.

None of them, Kevin nor Jenny, Emily nor Alexis, Jake nor Jay, William nor Michelle, April nor Lanie, would be any other place.

Emma slowly took the chair next to her mother's bed, deftly avoiding the machines that whirred quietly, "Hello, mom." 

Kate's eyes focused on her daughter and her hand found her daughters, "Em…Emma?" 

Emma fought back the tears and allowed her thumb to caress the wrinkled hand which enveloped hers, "Hey mom." 

Kate smiled and relished her daughter, "You….you made it."

"I got here as fast as I could, mom."

"My sweet baby…"

"My crazy mother…"

"I…I waited…"

"I know mom. I know."

"Wanted you…"

Emma could no longer hold the tears back as two fell from each eye, "I'll always be here mom. Always." 

Kate saw the love and pain in her daughter's face, she knew Emma would never be able to hide it because she never had been able to, "Oh my sweet baby girl, everything is going to be ok."

Kate slowly disentangled her hand and used her finger to wipe at a few of the tears on her daughters face. Emma closed her eyes and relished the feeling, "We are all here mom. We all love you so much…"

A cough interrupted them but Kate was determined, "I love…you…too…"

Their hands grasped once more, "Mom, you are the greatest woman I've ever known. Thank you so much, for everything."

"Al…al…always, my…my angel…" 

**Flashback, July 5th, 1986**

**Jamaican Islands**

**4:13 P.M.**

They stood on the beach bathed in the sun and the ocean, the breeze wafting through the air cooling them, the water washing their feet as it fell back and forth on the shore. Mother, father and daughter stood together enjoying this vacation together, and when little Katie looked up she saw her mother, "I love you, Mommie!"

With pride her mother beamed, "I love you too, Katie-bug."

**Flashback, January 7th, 1997**

**New York City**

**8:29 A.M.**

She couldn't believe what she saw in front of her. A new car!

Kate jumped into her dad's arms, "Oh dad, thank you!"

Jim smiled and laughed at the same time, "You are so very welcome, Katie."

**Flashback, January 9th, 1999**

**New York City**

**2:17 P.M.**

She knew this would not be good but she never imagined this kind of pain, "Hello, my name is Detective Raglan, I'm with the NYPD. Can we have a seat?"

…..

"No! God, no!"

**Flashback, March 9th, 2000**

**New York City**

**5:42 P.M.**

She was just another fan to him but it didn't matter, "And who can I make it out it too?"

"My name is Kate. Kate Beckett"

"Well Kate, Kate Beckett, I'm happy you came out today."

"Thank…thank you."

Castle laughed heartily, "No need to be nervous. It was my pleasure, Ms. Beckett."

**Flashback, May 7th, 2014**

**The Hamptons**

**6:32 P.M.**

They stood on the beach, surrounding only by their best friends, and she shined in her white strapless dress that hugged her hips, "Do you, Katherine Beckett take thee Richard Alexander Rogers to be your lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold. To love, honor and cherish. For better or worse, till death do you part." 

Kate smiled widely and did not fight the motion that flowed down her face. She was on fire, he had lit a spark within her heart, and her whisper carried around the world, "Always." 

"And do you, Richard Alexander Rogers take thee Katherine Anne Beckett to be your lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold. To love, honor, and cherish. For better or worse, till death do you part." 

Rick looked back at his daughter and the people who had come to accept him, and when he looked into the eyes of the woman he loved, she infused him with a flame that burned brightly in his heart, "Always." 

"Then by the power vested in me by the state of New York and the internet itself, I Kevin Ryan, do pronounce you Wife and Husband. That last part was her idea! You may now kiss the bride."

Rick smiled and took Kate into his arms, "Bought time…"

Kate laughed and allowed herself to be pulled in, "Agreed."

**Flashback, April 3rd, 2016**

**The Loft**

**5:12 P.M.**

She heard the door slam open and the hurried feet of her husband pound through the loft, "Kate? Kate? KATE? They said you came home early and I…"

Kate walked into the kitchen and saw her frantic husband, "Rick…"

Rick turned and quickly made his way over to her, "Kate are…what's that in your hand?"

"It's my pregnancy test."

"Oh? And…"

Kate smiled and looked at her husband, "It's positive…"

"It's…It's positive?"

Kate laughed and started shaking her head, "We're having a baby."

Rick paused for just a second, "Whoo hoooooo! Baby, we're having a baby!"

Kate couldn't hold back her laughter as her crazy husband danced around the living room, "I know…"

Rick paused and then rushed his now pregnant wife and took her swiftly into his arms, "I love you, I love you, I love you…."

"I love you too, Rick."

**Flashback, November 28th, 2016**

**New York Presbyterian**

**11:42 A.M.**

She couldn't believe it. Emma Rose Rogers-Beckett lay quietly in her arms. She was perfect, "Kate…she is beautiful."

"She is the most precious thing I have ever held."

"You did it, Kate."

"We did it."

"We did it…mom."

"That is going to take some getting used too."

"You can do anything. You are going to be a great mother…"

"For her? Always."

**Flashback, September 6th, 2017**

**The Loft**

**1:12 A.M.**

The ride home from the hospital took forever, for neither of them wanted to speak after what had happened this evening. When Rick took that bullet, Kate Beckett saw her life flash before her eyes, and the anger that she felt at him leaving her tore through her like a knife to a kidney.

She was furious when they walked in the door of the loft, though thankfully, Emma was with Lanie, "You can't keep following me around, you are going to get yourself killed and leave Emma without a father!" 

"Oh so it's ok for you to be cop and nearly get yourself killed, but not me? That's rich! She would miss you even more!"

"She would miss us both!"

"And neither of us have to do this everyday. You could quit."

"I'm not a trophy wife, Rick!"

They tore into each other, life and love versus duty and honor warring itself within the loft, "I don't want you to be! But that doesn't mean that I don't worry about you everyday. You don't have to do it Kate, we have enough money to last us three lifetimes!"

"This is who I am, Rick. This. Right here! If you can't accept that, then you shouldn't have married me."

"Sometimes I think you never wanted me too!"

Both paused in shock. They had never gone that far, and though they argued frequently, this was different. Castle could only shake his head, "Dammit."

As was so often the case, her eyes told the story, "Get out."

"Kate. No, don't do this…"

If she was going to lose him, then dammit it would be on her terms, "Get out! Just…leave. Leave now…" She screamed at him and pointed towards the door.

He could barely process what she was saying, "For how long?"

She sighed and began to cry just a little, "I don't know…"

**Flashback, September 14th, 2017**

**The Loft**

**6:31 P.M.**

He stood at the door, tired and disheveled, a mirror to her and her state, "Kate…"

She sighed at the sight of him, "Rick…"

"This isn't working."

"What isn't?"

"Being apart."

"I know. I missed you so much. I'm so sorry, Rick. I'm so, so sorry."

"I'm sorry too, Kate."

"Please…please, don't leave me again."

"Never. Never, I swear."

**Flashback, October 16th, 2023**

**The Loft**

**5:51 P.M.**

The moments that really count are the ones she could look back and know that she made them count. She put numerous criminals behind bars, she did important work, and she did it for the citizens of New York. More importantly, she did it for the little girl covered in flower and running towards her.

Emma slid forward in her socks and collided with Kate and her leg, "Mommie!" 

Kate reached down and steadied her rambunctious daughter, "Umph….hey sweetie, how was your day?"

"Daddie, Charlie and I made cake!"

Kate's smile filled her face, "I can tell! You are covered in flour baby girl…and so is your father. Rick?" 

Rick walked forward, covered in flower, with a towel over his shoulder and a smile plastered on his face, "It got a little out of hand."

"Mommie, Daddie has a surprise for you too!"

"Oh God…"

"Yay, come look! Come look, mommie!"

Just as she wondered what could possibly be more surprising than coming home to this, her son Charlie barreled into her other leg, "Umph…there is my adorable baby boy. Also covered in flower."

Charlie smiled shyly at his mother, the differing personalities of her children on wonderful display, "Love you mommie…"

Kate couldn't hide the joy at coming home to her children, even when they were covered with flour, "Come here, baby." 

Kate picked up Charlie and held her on hip, while being led to the kitchen by the hand of her precocious daughter. When she saw the cake, she beamed with pride. It was gorgeous, if not completely lopsided.

"Oh sweetie, I love it! That is beautiful, did you guys make this for me?"

Little Emma bounced on her feet and clapped her hands, gleefully happy that her mother loved her cake, "I did, I did!"

Charlie hid his face in his mothers shoulder but whispered, "So did I."

"I love it angel, I love it." Kate leaned into her son and placed a kiss on his cheek, eliciting a small giggle from her shy little boy.

"And we have one more surprise for you too!"

Kate turned to Emma, "Oh another surp…"

When she least expected it, Rick tossed some flour into Kate's hair and yelled, "Surprise!" 

Kate paused in utter disbelief, and turned swiftly to her son, "What do you say Charlie, let's get 'em!"

Charlie's smile told her all she needed, and she grinned deviously as she turned back to her family, "Oh you are both so going to get it!"

Kate swiftly set Charlie down and ran at his father, while Kate chased her daughter around the island in the kitchen. When she caught her, she began to tickle her mercilessly, and her giggles and laughter filled the loft with the most beautiful of music, "AHHH! Mommie! Daddie save me!" 

Rick had his own problems, "Sorry baby girl, you are on your own!'

**Flashback, January 7th, 2055**

**The Loft**

**9:05 A.M**

Cancer. Cancer had made the last few months painful. For both of them.

As Lanie stood with her hand on Kate's shoulder, the mood in the room was solemn and mournful. Kate could barely ask the question she knew she needed to ask, "Is it time?"

"I'm sorry, Kate. But yeah…it's time."

_A few minutes later…._

He laid in bed, tubes everywhere, and she could see his struggle even through the mask he tried to desperately to maintain for her. He always did that. He always tried to save her, to guide her, but over the years, they had found that when they tried to save each other, when they both thought of each other, the bond they held was stronger than anything that might tear them apart.

Kate sat down in the chair next to Rick's bed, "Rick…"

Rick reached out and took her hand in his, and she leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. As she sat back down, she could hardly hold everything back, "I love…you…darling…"

"Oh Rick, I love you too, baby."

Rick coughed violently, "I think…I think…I…have to go now, Kate."

She knew it was selfish, he was in so much pain, but the thought of a life without this man made no sense to her. It was illogical. It didn't make sense. Death never does, and so, she pleaded, "No, please…please…you said you never would…"

Rick smiled and struggled to stay awake, "I don't think I can fight this anymore…my love."

"Oh God, Rick. What am I…what do I do?"

"Like you once…implored of me. Live. Live baby. For me." 

"I don't know if I can. I love you so much…"

"You can. And you will. I did all of this for you. Now, live. For me." 

"You made my life so much better…"

"I k…kn…know."

"Rick…I love you baby! I love you…."

**The Richard Castle Building- New York City**

**January 7th, 2062**

**9:13 A.M**

After a few moments of silence, Charles reached up and turned off the machines that surrounded his mother. The room was bathed in sadness, and Emma could no longer hold back the raging river, "Mom?"

Charles hand tightened on his sister's shoulder, "We love you so much mom…"

Emma squeezed her mothers hand softly and plead with her, "Mom?" 

Charles leaned forward and joined his sister for just a moment, "Mom?" 

Another agonizing moment passed as the reality of the situation sunk in to those in the room. Charlie had to bring his sister back, "She's gone Emma. Emma…love. She is gone."

Emma looked up at her brother and sobbed, "Mom…mom…"

**Somehow, Your Imagination**

**Someplace, Your Dreams**

**Sometime, Where it Doesn't Matter**

The enormous green field stretched for miles in all directions, the sun shone brightly, and the cool wind bathed her in comfort and solace. When she woke, she was disoriented but soon regained her composure. When she turned, she saw those she never thought she would see again, "Rick?" 

Rick smiled and walked towards the woman he loved, "Bought time you got here."

Kate didn't understand this turn, the last thing she remembered was going to sleep, "I...how...Rick..."

Rick wrapped his arms around Kate and brought her into his chest, "I told you I would never really leave you."

Kate eagerly returned the hug and then over his shoulder saw someone she had only seen once since she died, "I don't under…Mom?"

Joanna smiled as she stood in the field, hand in hand with Jim, "I told you so."

"Where are we?"

Rick looked directly in her eyes and allowed the joy of the moment to sweep them away, "Together. Always."

-fin


End file.
